Starting chemo January 2009?

thanks to (((everyone))) for your kind words of support, especially (((brenny))), (((holtbolt))) & (((ddlatt))).

readying my list of questions for the oncologist tomorrow. i've decided to come home after my appt and just stay home. the weather's going to be sucky, work today kicked my arse (i just wanted to rip off these damn expanders! argh!) ... i'm just going to come home, digest & absorb.

babysteps. le sigh.

Hi all:

Alo123-food porn--love it! But Hawaii is one of the happy places I go to in my mind during chemo and when I can't sleep. That black sand beach on the big island, specifically. I pretend I'm a sea turtle in the sun  (sorta weird, I know).

Ddlatt--hope the 2nd AC went well today.

Chris--good news about the 3rd going well for you.

And to everyone else--we're putting one foot in front of the other, and pretty soon we'll be done (well, most of you will finish way before me--I start T x 12 after my 4th AC, so I won't be done til sometime in May, then rads, then maybe more Avastin if I'm in that arm of the trial).

Learned how to do Lymphedema massage today. Interesting. I still have some swelling from surgery under my incision, and I hope it doesn't get worse. Don't need to be wrapped yet, and still waiting for my insurance to give me a referral for a sleeve. Does anyone have a compression bra or cami--where'd you get it?

My onc said to have no fresh fruits or veggies that are not cooked or peeled.  This cancer center errs on the side of caution with the bactera issue I guess.   I have a friend who had a stomache scare so I am being super careful so far.  I'll need to keep figuring out what to eat.  

I am day four after my second chemo.  I am so glad to hear some of you are feeling well but I am not!  I feel rotten truly.  I'm just very tired.  I sleep 12 hours a day or something. I can't even count right now.  I seem to be getting flu like syptoms at night with a moderate fever, about 99 tonight.  I have not been to work since my second chemo.  I know the mgmt will make an issue of it soon.  Oh well.    

My oncology clinic gives everyone a questionairre with each visit.  One of the questions is whether or not I feel guilty on a scale of one to five.  I always lie and report zero guilt.  I am trying to let that all go.  This is a rebirth.  

I did have reconstruction.  I think I am glad for it. It was the right path for me right now.  I will say that I am really happy with it so far.  I look so much more pink and healthy than I did eight weeks ago.  Sometimes I wonder how I would feel to not have had it.  

I know I shouldn't gush like this but thank you all for putting up with me.  I have been a loner too much and am not really good with stuff like this.  I don't now what the heck I am doing.  Thank you all for being there.       

Hi all,

Haven't posted for a while.  Sometimes I just need a break from this whole cancer thing.  I'm sure you all know what I mean.  We do much research and find things that are uplifting and others that are just depressing.  I will be getting my 2nd tx this Thursday.  I'm staying in the hospital overnight this time since I had that bad episode with the low sodium count that landed me in the hospital after my 1st treatment.  They are going monitor me this time around.  I'm feeling a lot of anxiety this time.  I just don't know if the SEs will be better this time or worst.  I also didn't get a Neulasta shot the 1st time only 3 Nuepogen shots.  I felt a lttle achy with those shots.  I'm wondering if the Neulasta will be worst.  I feel like this is the 1st time all over again!

YearoftheHat - Could it be that low grade fever is night sweats?  I had the same symptoms a few nights ago.  I thought it was a fever because I was kind hot and queasy then I broke out in a sweat.  Then I remembered that when I went thru menopause, I had those similar night sweats.  My onc said I would be going thru a 2nd menopause with this treatment.  Oh yay!  Hope you're feeling better.

Babyc - I started molting on day 14 also.  Now its day 20 I have half hair and half baldness. It was traumatic when I 1st started losing the hair but now I wait for it to all come out.  Its such a nuisance!  I'm going to my hair stylist to have the rest shaved off tomorrow.  Can't wait.  She is also going to style a wig for me.  I've been wearing scarves but I don't know if want to continue with it.  If the wig turns out okay I may wear that. 

Chris - Its nice to hear that you are not having cumulative side effects.  That's my worst fear that it will get worst with each treatment!

Alo123 - I agree with you.  I would really love to go to Trader Joes also!

Hobolt- Did you have CA in both or just one.

Hawaii - I asked my nurse about the sodium and blackouts.  She thought it might have to do with drinking too much water to hydrate and suggested mixing it up with juice and gateraid and the like. 

Lisalisa - What is the difference between the underhair and the halo?  

Yearofthehat - Sorry you are not feeling better.  I hope you get some energy back soon.

I made it through today without any naps but went to bed soon after dinner and let DH take care of DS bedtime routine. I read for a long time with a heating pad on my tummy, back or feet.  Then I may have slept  for awhil.  DH came to bed at midnight and I got up to sit in the bathroom for awhile.  The colace seems to have helped move things along.  I feel a wee bit cramped with gas now but not bad.  I think I will take an ativan and be able to sleep.  But I had to go downstairs for some cookies and milk first.  I love Trader Joes cookies.  I had two of the vanilla joe joes and three triple ginger cookes (they are small but strong) with some milk.  Of course then I had to brush and rinse my mouth again.

 They are predicting snow tomorrow. DH plans to work from home.  I was going to go in to the hospital for a QiGon (sp) class and to drop off some medical forms for my Ono but I don't think I want to drive in the snow with my level of distraction/fatique.  I think DS will get to stay home tomorrow.  Maybe we will bake something and watch a kids movie on TV.  I hope he does not want too much active interaction.

What is the problem with grapefruit?  I did have half of one a few days ago?  Do they react with one of the Chemo drugs?  I know they can react to some drugs.

Year of the hat, hope you feel better soon.  I hear you.  This thread stays upbeat which is good, but the downside is those of us having a harder time and feeling bad with chemo start feeling like we're doing something wrong.   Like you'd only feel better and this would all go away if you just stay positive.  I decided to get a walk in every day and beyond that refuse anymore to pretend I'm feeling good when I feel like crap.

Jess,  I feel for you.  I don't like my wig either.  I'll wear it for those times I'm someplace where I don't want co-workers to know what's going on,  but I doubt it will get much use beyond that.  Scarves have never been a good look on me.  So, I picked out a few different cheaper hats that were the best I could find and Im running with that. The good thing about the chemo hitting so hard and even walking up and down stairs being a major effort and making me short of breath is that I just don't have the energy to look in the mirror much.  Lucky for me my DH thinks I'm cute like this and loves the hats, so I think I'll stick to listening to how he thinks I look and stop looking in the mirror. 

Hope it is not too late to join...I just came across this thread.  I started T/C q3 weeks X4 on 1/15. 

Kmmd - The first real live BC warrior/initiate I spoke to had very bad SE and commented that she kept hearing about woman who were having an easy time with chemo and felt like a Chemo failure.  But she is through her treatment now and getting her strenth back.  You are not alone and everyone reacts to all this differently.  I positive attitude can and does help but it will not guarantee it.  And this is a time when you can embrase being exactly what you are at the moment, including tired, cranky, angry, whatever. 

Year of the Hat-Thanks for the tip.  I did go to the cancer center who has a lady there.  I guess I just got sucked into her sense of style and it isn't me.  I should have gone with my gut, ordered the acs wig online and gone from there.  Instead I went with the "expert" and I don't like it.  Perhaps It is just gonna be yucky no matter what.  I can deal withit; I just needed to vent. 

Berkeley Kim-I've done the lymphedema exercises-what do you think of them?  I have found they help.  Big thing for me is to not forget and over do it with the arm.  My doc also has set up an appointment for me to get an arm covering for support while I exercise. 

One more week and a day till treatment # 2.  Nervous....However, as so many others on this thread and other spot on BCO have said--it is doable. 

Rock on January Jewels.

rsben - I am posting like mad this morning.  I need to find an FML support thread. 

I am getting into unpaid leave here which is tricky for me.  There are some essential, annual projects coming up to which no priority is given, that may really be bungled with me working so little.  I'll bet they will just be dumped on a supervisor and slapped together.  I am sorry for that but I am putting my health and, yes, even my comfort first.  I had a few good job interviews just before my diagnosis but no offers.  Ten years is way too long to do underpaid, thankless office work.  Cancer puts all of this into clear focus.  It's onward ho for me, but my health has put the search on hold.  I might want to watch for changes in the economy too before I venture out again.  I also need to seriously consider going back to school......once I am healthy again. 

Nobody cared when I had mestrual cramps, couldn't have given less thought to my migraines, wanted me to come to work with the flu but with cancer I have their attention.  Why does life require cancer to get a decent break?  By no means am I abusing my time away, but I am trying to take it without guilt.  My supervisor is an expert guilt tripper...known far and wide for her uncanny ability to make people feel like crap.  Life is too short for this nonsense!

Wecome Shannon!  Sorry you have a need to join but you are certain very welcome.

YearoftheHat - When you describe your boss I picture you reversing the guilt. Coming into work bald and with no attempt to hide the cancer effects with make up or what not and being sure that everyone can see that you are there because your boss thinks that what happens in the office is more important that what is happening inside your skin and heart.  But you know, we do it to ourselves as well.  We don't allow ourselves to "enjoy" being sick now and then.  By enjoy I mean taking advantage of a honest excuse to stay in bed all day, eat comfort food, read a book, watch bad tv and let other wait on us a bit, without a stitch of quilt, like kids naturally do.  

I had an OK night last night.  Ended up sleeping in the guest room because by the time I finished my snack and read a bit it was late and I did not want to disturb DH by climbing into the bed in our room. I skipped the ativan so did not fall asleep that quickly but my head was not on full speed and I had rested all evening so it was all in all OK.  No real pain, a few aches in joints but not bad, gassy but not crampy.  Things are finally moving along so to speak.  Now I am dealing with a bit of indigestion.  A pressure thing in my diaphram.  I need to remember to take the med my nurse gave me for that before lunch.  The instructions are very specific about how it is to be taken.  

We are all staying home today due to the snow.  I made a good simple breakfast for DS and myself. (instant oatmeal with ground flax seed, flax seed oil, wheat germ, apple sauce, dried fruit, frozen blueberries and aqava syrup) then found myself sanitizing the kitchen with a spray bottle of vinigar.  I am going to go take a shower now and then bake something with DS.  

I think there is definately something to this chemo brain.  The other day I went to a website for my town to check out our distance from the elementary school and I could not remember the name of my own street.  Now we have lived her less than a year but it is getting pretty close to a year.  

Tomorrow I go to see if a local wig salon has any free ACS wigs that would work for me.  That should be interesting.  I had enough of a problem picking out styles from the hospital boutique where they have a large selection and then order the ones you want in your color to make a final choice.  They even cut and style if for you and if you don't like it you don't have to buy it, but it is expensive - $400 I think for the whole package. I have to get a script from my doctor for it and check that there are no restriction from my insurance on where I can get the wig.  

The coffe tastes good today!!!!  A large victory!!!!

Last Wednesday was tx1 and today coffee got it's flavor back!!!  There is a G-D!!!!  My bone pain from yesteday seems to have left e a quickly as it came.  One thing I can say is that the changes that go onw with my body are very strange!!!!  I am hoping I am on my way to 2 good weeks until next treatment......not the most pleasant week.....but "doable" jusy like the vereans all say!!!

I know everyone is on or getting reday for tx # 2.....so I will be reading intently and hoping everyone sails through.......

BabyC, thanks for the positive thoughts. I know intellectually what you say is true, and I think that in time I'll come to terms and get there emotionally too. I too had a neg mammogram 2 months before my nurse pract found the small lump. I've had dense breasts for years. I'm just grateful my surgeon ordered an MRI before I went ahead with the lumpectomy, or lots would have been left behind. With the mastectomy I feel it's otta there.

For what it's worth my story has inspired many of my friends to push for ultrasound in addition to mammograms, especially if they tell us we have "busy breasts" like one mammo tech. told me.

I'm feeling fine today--and I'm going to make the most of it before treatment tomorrow.

Has anyone here started getting Taxol weekly?