Not doing too well these days.

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited January 2009

    (((((((Bren)))))))

    Your pic of you and your dad reminded me so much of mine....I just have to share again. I'm not sure if you knew or not but, I lost my dad to cancer a year and a half ago, 3 days after my birthday, while I was in the throws of chemo. It was brutal.

    I'm not trying to hijack your thread, I just thought it was so cool we had almost, the same picture with our dads.

    Hugs girl,

    Traci

    Photobucket"

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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited January 2009

    Bren,

    I'm so sorry to hear of all the illness in your loved ones.  I hope the time you have your dad soon will be the best that it can be.  

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  • WendyInCalif
    WendyInCalif Member Posts: 172
    edited January 2009

    Oh Brenda, my heart goes out to you.  I hope you're strength will get you though this.  Have a safe trip.  Your father, I bet, will find great comfort in having you near him if even just for a short while.  Bless your heart, girl.

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  • Boo46
    Boo46 Member Posts: 539
    edited January 2009

    Bren,

    I'm so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your Dad.

    Sue

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2009

    Bin I just saw this.  So much saddness in this one little community. 

    I am so sorry to hear the news about your dad.  He looks so special and may I add, "cool."  What a good looking man. 

    As a mother of grown daughters I KNOW they love me.  Do you know how much comfort I get from that?  The wonderful things you and your siblings are doing for him will be so comforting to him.  And knowing that you love him will be the most comfort. 

    I now you heart is breaking.  I have no words of wisdom.  He looks like a man who has lived life to it's fullest.  I pray you can find peace after seeing your dad.  Prayers for you, your family and your dad.

    Hugs

    Shirley

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited January 2009

    Bren, for some reason things like to come in waves...The surf board of life can get a little difficult.

    Your dad looks so handsome. Prayers for strength during this challenging time. I love all of the pictures! so much fun.

    Janis

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2009

    Thank you all so much.

       Traci ... I remember what a hard time you went through.  I love the pic of you and your dad.  It looks like our dads would've liked each other! 

        Wendy ... my friend, thank you for writing.  Let's try to catch up when I get back.

        Janis ... "the surfboard of life"  I'll remember that .. cause I was raised on a surfboard in San Diego.  Even when the waves got big and scary, I still held on.

       I'm anxious and afraid.  Need to finish packing and leave early in the a.m.  My dad had a setback two days ago and radiation to the stent has been postponed.  He's so weak now that he can no longer stand in the the shower.  I have so many "I wish" thoughts running through my head right now.  Mostly, I wish this wasn't going to be the last time I see him.

    Love you all and I deeply appreciate the kind words and support.

    Bren

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited January 2009

    Hugs & prayers for the journey Bren. Your last post touched me so deeply. If it is any consolation, at least you get to go & share this special time with him. I didn't get a visit with my dad & KNOW it would be the last--wish I had.........

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited January 2009

    I am so sorry to hear your terrible news lately.  Your dad is such a vibrant man and made such a wonderful impact on you as a person.  I am sure you will have a wonderful visit no matter how hard it may be.  Go and enjoy your dad and make the memories of a lifetime with him.

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  • rsben70
    rsben70 Member Posts: 137
    edited January 2009

    bren so sorry to hear of your dad, prayers to you and your family and friends.

    your dad reminds me of mine i lost him 17 years ago to cancer.  just love him with all your heart with the time you have.  that is what you will remember..

    becky

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  • Traci-----TripNeg
    Traci-----TripNeg Member Posts: 2,298
    edited January 2009

    Bren,

    I thought about you all day today. I've not been able to get you and your dad off my mind since I saw your pic.

    I hope you are doing o.k. girl. I'm so sorry....................

    Hugs, Traci

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  • cmb35
    cmb35 Member Posts: 1,106
    edited January 2009

    Bren,

    I just saw your post, and I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad. Sending your warm hugs, and thougths and prayers to you, your dad and the rest of your family. Colleen

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2009
    Hello my friends,

    I finally got home on Wed (a day late). My plane broke in Vegas and the engine was smoking!! Geez. We were sitting at the gate in the plane for TWO hours. They finally let us off and put us on another plane to Dallas. Of course, I missed my Greensboro connection by 30 minutes. I had to stay in a hotel in Dallas that night w/o my luggage. I slept in my clothes and didn't even take a bath or wash my face. I didn't have a brush or face moisturizer with me ... so why even bother. Finally got to Greensboro yesterday afternoon.

    I am swamped with work ... which was expected.

    I managed to pick up some kind of "bug" on the trip. I am sicker than a dog! And whatever it is has settled in my chest, throat and sinuses.

    The visit was overwhelming. I saw my son and the kids Sat and Sun afternoon and for dinner. I would spend the mornings with my dad. I did spend all day Monday with my dad. That's when we had our adventure in the jeep. I'm surprised he could even do it! He barely takes in 300 calories a day, can't walk w/o help and uses an oxygen tank.

    When I left Monday night, Lynn walked my sis and I down to our rental cars. We could hear my dad sobbing up on the patio. My heart shattered into a million little pieces. The pain is extraordinary. My heart broke for him as he knew he would never see me again.

    He hasn't got long. I'm glad my sis and I were able to watch the DVD we had made with him. A wonderful memory I will cherish. He said he adored me. He's never said that. And the jeep ride! I knew he could do it. It was his "swan song."

    I'm kind've numb, just keep typing and stop once in awhile to grieve.

    Love you all so much.
    Bren
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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited January 2009

    ((((hugs)))))

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  • Jorf
    Jorf Member Posts: 498
    edited January 2009

    So, so sorry for all of this. Hugs to you.

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited January 2009

    WHERE THE HECK HAVE I BEEN - JUST SAW YOUR POST MY FRIEND -

    Photobucket

    Love ya.

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  • Sierra
    Sierra Member Posts: 1,638
    edited January 2009

    My heart goes out to you

    and your Dad

    He looks like a fine gent

    You take good care of him

    and yourself now.

    Hugs, Sierra :)

    (late to post

    no puter at home)

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  • althea
    althea Member Posts: 1,595
    edited January 2009

    {{{{more hugs}}}}}

    words are so inadequate

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited January 2009

    Hugs Bren---I'm crying with you......words are inadequate, but maybe a shared story/memory can help us know we are not alone in sorrow.

    My dad had a series of heart attacks & health issues that would supposedly kill him, but for 10 years he kept getting back up (maybe he showed me how to do this mets walk)  Anyway, at the end of a visit he always said good-bye to us in the driveway & would encourage us to come back soon cuz he didn't know how long he'd be here! He said the same thing EVERY visit!

    The last time I saw him he didn't come out til the last minute & was upset that we almost missed saying good-bye......I cried for an hour after we left cuz he insisted, "your mum & I will be out for a visit with you soon!" When he said that I KNEW I'd never see him again.....and it was true.

    Your recounting your dad's sobbing tore at my core----my dad didn't seem to realize what was happening & yours is devastated by it. I wonder which is preferable....

    HUGE HUGS & prayers for you; strength, courage & peace.

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  • mzmiller99
    mzmiller99 Member Posts: 894
    edited January 2009

    Bren - hugs. 

     He knows how loved he is...he'll take this with him when his time comes,and he'll cross out of the pain and  back into spirit.  Your love will be his strength for the journey.  His love for you will be your strength for the days to come.

    My dad died 10 years ago this month.  After all of his pain and suffering, he deserved to go back to spirit and be whole again.  He visits my daughter.  She always knows when he's around.  They had a special bond, and still do.

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited January 2009

    So very sorry about your dad.  Hugs and prayers.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2009

    Thanks everyone for your kindness,

       I spoke to my dad briefly yesterday.  He can only talk about 2 minutes before it becomes too hard for him to breathe.  My brother will be with him for a few more days ... I wish I could get back there to be with him.  Hospice will have to have an aid with him in the mornings while his wife is at work.  He is getting weaker by day and taking in only about 300 calories a day.

       I just stay numb, can't focus and I don't want him to leave me.  I want to tell him to stay ... but know that's not possible.

    love,

    Bren

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited January 2009

    I can not imagine the pain you are going through now.  A loss is difficult in the best circumstances but I can not think of one that doesn't hurt the soul of loved ones left behind.  May your dad find a peaceful end when his time comes and may you find peace with your suffering now and impending loss.  You have my prayers for you, your dad and all your family.  I wish we could lessen your pain.

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  • Maryiz
    Maryiz Member Posts: 975
    edited January 2009

    Cancer stinks.  Maryiz

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  • AccidentalTourist
    AccidentalTourist Member Posts: 365
    edited January 2009

    So sorry you have to go through this.  Hope you are able to find people to support you.  Lovely pictures of your dad. Best Nena

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  • SheriH
    SheriH Member Posts: 785
    edited January 2009

    Bren, prayers are with you.  I hope you feel better! I hope you can get another trip to visit your dad.

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited January 2009

    Hello my friends,

       I just spoke with my dad, and today is a bad day.  He is vomiting blood and toking on the water bong my brother made for him.  This is his only relief.  I couldn't stop crying, while I was trying to be strong for him.  My sis arrives back in San Diego tomorrow to help care for my dad so he isn't alone in the mornings while his wife is at work. 

       When hospice tells us there are only a few days left, I will hop on a plane and get right back out there.  It breaks my heart to be so far away right now.  My dad was my hero and I always wanted to be like.

    Thank you again for all you wonderful kindness and words of support.

    Love,

    Bren

    My dad and his wife Lynn at my son's house.

    At my dad's house in San Diego.

    Sitting is my sis ... back row l-r, my dad, me, my grandson Isaac, my mom, my son (Isaacs dad) , my cousin and my brother. Lynn was taking the picture.

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  • livesstrong
    livesstrong Member Posts: 1,799
    edited January 2009

    Oh Bren -

    What can I say?  Sending hugs & prayers across the miles. Love you sister.

     Valerie

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  • shokk
    shokk Member Posts: 1,763
    edited January 2009

    (((((((((Bren))))))))........oh jeez Bren I am just so sorry about your Dad..........you look like him.........I think it is so sweet that your Mom is there as well as your Dad's wife...........what a wonderful family you have...........I wish there was someway to take away some of your heart break.........keeping you and your Dad in my prayers.........love Shokk

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited January 2009

    Bren,

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's illness!!  You have a wonderful family!  Thanks for sharing the pics!!   I feel for you...  there are no words for how sad I am feeling...

    HUGS
    Harley

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