Just diagnosed, how long until ny life has some normalcy again?

sam - So sorry you're here.  The very short answer is that your life will never be normal again, as you think of normal. 

 Meaning that even when the flurry of operations, radiation, chemo, hormone suppressors, etc., is finished, you still have a diagnosis of cancer.   It is a life altering sentence.  You realize in the fullest sense, your mortality.  You will never be the same. 

 That being said, you do learn to live with it, and it fades somewhat from your every waking moment.  There are triggers - doctor's appointments, scans, checkups, a new ache or pain, that will bring it all rushing up to the front of your brain again.

Someone told me how lucky I was to just have bc, because they can cut it out and, poof, I'm all better, not like MS, etc.  I wish it were that simple.  The nightmare may be over when the treatments are through, but the bad dreams just hang on.

I can't say how long you'll be in treatment, because I had neither chemo or recon.  My dx was in May, surgery in July, and radiation ended in Sept.  With the chemo and mast, I'm sure you'll be much longer.

Hugs and wishes.  I apologize for sounding so morose, but I think it's part of the bc syndrome -ups and downs.  And, this must be a down day.

7 months and counting for me. Depends on treatment plan. In my case I have 5 more months of treatment and reconstruction then hopefully life will return to a new normal. I do not know how old your kids are...mine are 17 and 14. We talk a lot about what is happening and I assure them by next Christmas "Mom will be back". I figured that I would add a few months for good measure and just in cases!

I'll be thinking about you,

Kris 

Sorry you have joined us...but it will be a new "normal".  And it all depends on you and your treatment.  I was diagnosed September 25, had a bilateral mastectomy on October 24th and am currently going through chemo treatments.  I have my third tomorrow and will have one more.  Then my exchange surgery will be in March.

But I am not letting cancer define me.  I went back to work right after surgery.  I have my own business and I teach Zumba classes.  I was back to teaching three weeks post op and am teaching six days a week now...through chemo.

So again, it depends on you and your treatment!

Blessings!

Lisa

I am a year out, and doing ok.

My onc's nurse told me to expect 1 awful year, and that then it would all be over. Pretty much sums it  up.

I read somewhere (back in the beginning of diagnosis) that most women do not give themselves enough time for both the physical AND emotional healing.  The book talked about a 1 to 4 ratio (if I remember it all properly).  For every month of treatment, from time of diagnosis to end of treatment, to include reconstruction, etc., allow yourself 3-4 month recovery time.  This is supposed to allow you the time to emotionally heal.  I don't know how true the time period was for me but I do know that I did need extra time to emotionally cope.  I think that it's different for each person, just don't expect to finish treatment and suddenly be "normal."  (Though some people seem to want us to)

plainjane64 - if ever you needed support, this is definitely the place to be!!  These wonderful women are warm, caring, knowledgeable, and committed to their "sisters"!

Big hugs and welcome!

I went back to work 3 weeks from double mastectomy, but the ladies that get reconstruction have a much longer haul. Longer time in surgery and to heal. I admire you for your decision, I just couldn't go through it!

At least as you go through your treatment you have the carrot of new breasts at the end as a reward.

Welcome to the new world! 

I love how Lisa said it would be a "new normal" because I don't expect my life to ever really be the same again.  I am going to change on a emotional and mental level and that will be life long.

As far as procedures and the time associated with that, it all depends on your particular case.  In my situation my process is going to take approximately 9 months from start to finish but I am mentally preparing myself that it will take one year.

You mentioned that you would need chemo - again that is based on how your oncologist wants to proceed.  Some people get chemo treatment weekly.  My chemo treatment will be bi-monthly so chemo alone is going to be a 4 month process.

Hang in there, I am told that the time will pass very quickly and I am keeping that thought in my head as I proceed forward.

Surgery (lumpectomy and SNB), chemo and radiation will be about 9 months for me. And I an allowing for another month or so to recover physically from the effects of rad.  Without radiaiton, if I had had a mastectomy without reconstruction, it would be about 7 months.

I went back to work (I work from home) about 2 days after surgery and have mostly worked through chemo so far. Lisa and I are at the same point in our chemo. 

Like Lisa I will have Herceptin for a year if my MUGA stays good, but that isn't suppose to have much in the way of side effects so I think I'll be pretty back to normal after the time I mentioned above. For those who are hormon positive, the hormon treatment goes on for 5 years usually.

I think it will be back to the same normal for me. I know the statistics for recurrence for my cancer and treatment and I don't expect to worry about it. As others have said, the emotional reaction varies depending on the person. I was in another much more life threatening situation, an armed robbery, and I know that I recovered from that almost immediately while others involved were very traumatized and took months or years.

I'm worried about the emotional recovery time for my husband. I know that right now he is being strong for me but that really he takes these things harder and is more of a worrier. Even just my childbirths were harder on him then me.

Donna, they can't fully stage the cancer until they have operated so chemo and rads are normally decided after (unless the tumor is very big and then they may do chemo first to shrink it). For example, after ultrasound and biopsy, they thought my cancer might be as big as 3.5 cm which would make me Stage IIa if my nodes were negative and higher if my nodes were positive. When they removed the lump in a lumpectomy, they found that the IDC part was less than 1 cm. The rest was DCIS and a benign cist. My nodes were negative too. That made me stage Ib.

Because I'm HER2+. I decided to have chemo even though the IDC was so small. Recent research says that is a good choice as for HER2+ women who didn't get chemo with cancers that small, recurrence was higher than previously thought, >20%.

This was my first major operation too (or at least much more major than anything I've had before - other than that, my biggest one was getting my wisdom teeth out).

I have finally learned to live "in the moment". Never quite could understand it, but as I said to someone today, "I live for now, not for ever." That's when it hit me what it all means.

What's normal anyway? That's like when disfunctional families were the minoritiy, now functional families are fewer.

Have some fun with it. 

samiam, DonnaDio, and anyone else just starting this journey ~ I wanted to say a couple of things I don't think others have said yet.  First, how you look at your treatment and being normal again depends a lot on where you are in your treatment.  If you had asked me that question a few days after my mastectomy, or when I was just starting chemo, you would have gotten a very different answer than you will today when I am about halfway through radiation and beginning to feel a lot like myself again.  From a practical point of view, I've heard it said that you need to figure a month of recovery for every hour of surgery, to get your energy level back to where it was.  Add chemo +/or rads -- often right on top of each other -- and you can see how women get discouraged when they don't feel like themselves in a few short weeks, when, in fact, it will probably take several months.

As far as changes go -- of course, there will be some.  You'll have some scars, and maybe some new aches or pains from various drugs you've been on.  But how you adjust to it -- whether you let it ruin your life or just be a challenging bump in the road -- will be very much in your control -- perhaps not initially, but surely by the time you have finished treatment.  Personally, I believe there are blessings to be found in everything that happens to us, and bc has been no different.

A wonderful R.N., herself a bc survivor, told me one day as I was in tears a few days before my mastectomy and voicing my fears about it changing my life -- that bc would change me -- for the better.  And, I have grabbed onto that possibility and expectation.  I also read something absolutely wonderful somewhere else on this board recently that I wanted to share with you.  Sorry, I don't recall who posted it -- I'd just saved it because I liked it so much -- and I hope they won't mind me borrowing it to give you here:

"It's a BIG WORLD out there. You haven't been given a death sentence. You've just been given a new perspective."

Lastly, if you haven't found it yet, there's an interesting discussion thread on here called something like, Do You Consider Yourself Sick?  It's worth looking for, because it illustrates how very differently people can view similar circumstances.

You will soon all realize that you are all already strong -- stronger than you know ~   Deanna 

Deanna and Michele..

                     I wish I could hug you both as it is just the experience,strengh and courage of stories that make sense. I WISH I coulds cry for myself. I can cry for everyone else and have not been able to reach my core yet.

One step at a time and that is all we can do. My husband decided to paint the kitchen!!! After I got the house cleaned for Tuesday's surgery.. it is truly hysterical to me and am letting him be HIS NORMAL!!!

A SAYING from a book I read.. instead of having cancer.. it is called your LIFE ENHANCING CANCER!! It is all attitude and perspective and will try to remember this and all said and told to me prior to me being knocked out for surgery.

Thank you and continued well and healthy wishes to you!!!!

DonnaDio ~  I'm sitting here smiling about your DH painting the kitchen.  As odd as it sounds, I get it, and I'm sure you do, too.  He just needed to do something that he had control over -- something he could fix -- and he probably hoped it would make you happy to have a newly-painted kitchen.  What a great guy!

You've already identified a key element to dealing with a dx of bc, which is "one step at a time."  The learning curve can be frustrating -- especially when you realize that some choices are up to you (such as what kind of reconstruction), and if you can stay focused on the step and decision at hand, it's much easier.

As far as the crying goes -- trust me, it will come.  When we are first diagnosed and start hearing words like mastectomy and chemotherapy, we compartmentalize a lot of what's happening.  But eventually our minds slowly let that information in, and when that happens, you may have a day when you are very angry and possibly lash out at your DH or kids, or very sad and can't stop crying.  But it's all very normal, and it will pass, and you will feel strong again.  That's why this site is so wonderful.  Because we've all been through it and will be here to pull you along when you need it.   (((Hugs)))    Deanna

Samiam-

I have been a lurker on these boards since my dx on 10\16\08 and I just started participating in several discussions. My dx came as a complete shock from an annual mammo on Sept 28! I can only describe that first month as a complete out of body experience. Since I have been fortunate enough to have never had a tragedy in my 53 years, I do believe it was my first experience of what true mind numbing shock is. Everything happened so fast, had a bilateral mast. on Nov. 10th with immediate expander recon. Think I'd do the same thing even though I had a horrible infection which set me back weeks. Already knew I wasn't a candidate for any other recon procedure and couldn't even imagine not having a chest so it was an immediate yes to that. Though I was thankfully able to keep the expanders after infection, they won't be filled for quite awhile so as to let the scar revision heal. So I have no chest anyway! Point is, it is an experience that is completely overwhelming and not understood by anyone who hasn't been there. And there is a wealth of info. being thrown at you because there are so many variables to each particular cancer. You will have your moments of despair and my advice is to just go with them..cry cry and cry some more if need be. It clears away the negative so that you get the positive you need to make decisions. No decision will come without questions, but the right one for you will come. I just had my first chemo on Friday. Mine is a 3 week on one off for 12 cycles...which brings me up to May. I have seen many posts by DEANNA and she and I think alike. There IS much to be gained from this awful experience if you choose to see the lessons. And then use those lessons to help others. I have already gotten two of my friends to schedule years overdue mammos. My ex and I are on wonderful terms (too bad it took cancer for him to be nice again but I'll take what I can get...including the financial support he has offered!). Our daughter is getting married in July and I plan on being in pretty good shape for that 3 months post chemo. The blessing is that I will be there period! Just go where your emotions take you, good, bad or ugly and then move on and do what you have to do. This is my mantra as I begin to feel some se's from chemo..it's NOT forever, I know I will need to be reminded of this when I am down for the count. I can get that here as well as from all the amazing people I have in my life who up until now I had not understood just how lucky I am. Best of luck to you and definitely read whatever Deanna posts...she is an awesome inspiration which someday you will be to others. I believe that is our mission in this along with the spiritual growth which can sometimes be downright mind blowing!

Best always,

Ellen

Wishing you the best tomorrow Donna! We both have big days as I will be returning to work since this all began in November. Had a very unpleasant chemo effects day yesterday but was lucky enough to sleep through 18 hours of it! Today feeling much better. Not "normal" but I've resigned myself to two things: One is that I won't be feeling "normal" at any time during chemo. My perception of feeling good is different for sure! Feeling bad remains the same...cancer or not! The second change is that the life as I knew as normal will never be again! There's no way to not be changed by this diagnosis. My "normal" is forever changed but that does not have to be a bad thing. I'm hopeful that once treatment is over, my normal will be even better. Taking time to smell the roses so to speak and for sure a slight rearrangement of priorities!

I'll be looking forward to your update. God Bless...you WILL get through this!

Ellen