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Angie68
Angie68 Member Posts: 19
edited June 2014 in Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
My Mil has been sent home to die. She has breast cancer that spread to liver and bones. Dr said that liver & kidneys are shutting down. Sent her home last Saturday with Hospice. Mil was already yellow in hospital. Onc told her she would go home and sleep more and more until she went into coma and died. She said it wouldnt be long but would not give us a guess as to how long. Hospice really isnt making any guesses either. I was there from 8 to 3 today and she slept the whole time. Even gave her a bath and she didnt wake. She just kind of moaned when we turned her. She also has a gurgle coming from her throat. I just called to check on her and family says she is still sleeping. Anyone have any experience with this. How much longer do you think we have with her? Once she goes into a coma...how long could that last? I know everyone is different. Just wondering what some other people have experienced
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  • rsben70
    rsben70 Member Posts: 137
    edited January 2009

    It just really depends had a good friend pass recently hung on longer than we thought then everyone said good bye and that it was ok sometimes people just wait to hear it is ok to go

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  • sdg605
    sdg605 Member Posts: 273
    edited January 2009

    Hi Angie.  I've worked as a hospice volunteer and as it becomes closer to death our extremities will become cold and discolored.  I'm not sure about the gurgle you are describing, but there is a death rattle in breathing toward the very end.  Things that will help your MIL in this process are keeping a peaceful setting for her and allowing her to go.  Sometimes people hang on for their loved ones.  My father died about 11 years ago and I remember how people frowned on giving him morphine beause they assumed it would hasten the dying process.  But in hospice training I heard that it only seems that way, and that relaxation from higher doses allow the dying to slip away with more ease.  Do ask your hospice volunteer - they should be able to help with some of your questions.  I hold you all in love and compassion.

    Sandy

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  • cats_love_me
    cats_love_me Member Posts: 109
    edited January 2009

    I can only post what happened with my mom.  Is she still eating or drinking anything at all?   I'm kind of assuming she is getting some type of pain medication.  What type of schedule are you giving the pain meds, and is she still able to swallow pills, or are they injecting the morphine sub-q?

    My mom'd hospice nurses kind of thought she was going to pass about 1 week before she actually did pass.  The 2 sats before she passed, she was having problems controlling pain, added a new pain med which didn't seem to work well, made her confused and not able to function.  Her abdomnim was extremely distented (she had a stint because of lynph node near the uritor was blocked, and so were guessing her kidneys were failing, and she wasn't able to eliminate her waste properly, she was passing blood.  So, the hopsice nurse thought she wasn't going to be around past that wed, because my dad was going out of town to take care of funeral stuff, as it hadn't been planned yet, as they were worried he was going out of town.

    That weekend lots of visitors came on sunday.  She was up and around doing things walking.  Then tues i came and her sister came in from out of state. 

    She started out on tues walking, wed needed to start using the walker, by thurs evening she needed the wheel chair to get around.  Then friday we took her to the hospice center. 

    First mom stopped solids, then did brothes and then just water, then finally we had these swabs to moisten her mouth and those saline eye drops to keep her eyes moiste.  We still did the swabs and eye drops the whole last week. 

    What i remember of the details, sat she was eating some stuff. 

    Sunday i only think liquids  monday i don't think we did anything. just did the swabbing and eye drops.

    On sat/sun i believe mom would recognize and look at you in the face if you touched her in the face, and she would try to talk and mumble some. 

    i believe on monday i wasn't able to get her attention or really to look at me at all.  I think she responded slightly that day to my dad. 

    Tuesday the death rattle started, it had started some time at night or early morning, as i had gone home (mom was in a hospice center, my brother did the night shift).  When i got there in the afternoon the rattling had started, and she passed at 2 or 3 am in the morning.  Its a loud sound, and never heard anything like it.   

    Her eyes became more and more yellow, and her skin became more and more yellow, and you could smell an odor from her skin, since she wasn't able to really eliminate the wastes. 

    Each person dyding process is different.  The person next to my mom was ok coherent, he was eating, He was talking with the nurses one evening, and by the next morning he had passed.  He did have the death rattle, at the time i incorectly assumed he had lung cancer, and was just having problems breathing.

    I'm not sure if you wanted that much information.  I don't post to often anymore, so i just gave all of it out.

    Big hug during the time

    Connie

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  • Angie68
    Angie68 Member Posts: 19
    edited January 2009
    My Mil passed this morning at 4:10. It didnt go anything like we thought it would. All day yesterday she just slept. It seemed like a sleep instead of a coma because she was snoring. Took in no fluids yesterday. We have all been taking turns staying with her and last night was SIL & her husbands turn. She called my husband (her brother) at 4 & said Mom had vomited and now her breathing was really shallow. My husband told his Sister to call Hospice. She called & Hospice must have known it was a bad sign because they told her they were on their way and for her to call all family. She called us and then turned right around and called us back and said Mom was already gone. We went straight over and the Hospice nurse was there to confirm what Sis had suspected. She was gone. The nurse said that she didnt really vomit.  She just brought up mucous which often happens upon death. We are just glad that this is over. I suspected it was close but didnt think it was that close. Thanks for all the answer and prayers. We are going to be ok, because  my sweet, dear Mil is in glory!
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  • dmacw
    dmacw Member Posts: 886
    edited January 2009

    Oh Angie I'm so sorry.  I lost my mom 4 years ago to this nasty beast.  May they rest in peace.

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  • JapanLynn
    JapanLynn Member Posts: 471
    edited January 2009

    Angie, I'm so sorry for your loss, but as I read your posts I couldn't help thinking what a wonderful death your MIL had, with her family close to her.  I know she felt the love and care.

    "Wonderful death" probably sounds weird, but death something all of us will experience.  It can be traumatic, violent, lonely...or peaceful like your MIL's.  God bless you all for taking such good care of her.

    Lynn

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  • Angie68
    Angie68 Member Posts: 19
    edited January 2009
    Lynn, It was a wonderful death. It was so peaceful and you could really feel God's presence. She wasnt in any pain and she was surrounded by someone who loved her at all times. We made a pact that 2 immediate family members would be there at all times. No, we didnt all make it there before she died, but we are ok with that. She knew we were there all week and she knew we loved her. When this battle started we were determined to beat it and not let her go. We just couldnt stand the thoughts of it and would not let our minds "go there". But cancer makes you ready. It makes you want them to go. We were ready and accepting of this. We have to deal with missing her and adjusting to life without her. But she is right where she needs to be
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