Advice for a son who may not deal with this very well?

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Megan_D9206
Megan_D9206 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My super sweet mother in law found a lump in her breast just before Christmas and received the call this morning that it is cancer. I'm obviously worried about her, but she's a very strong woman will have great doctors and my father in law is amazing too. I know we'll all get through this together. Unfortunately, I'm also worried about my husband and how he's going to deal with it. I've not gone through this kind of thing before (thank God) and I'd really appreciate some advice on what I can do to help him through this. He loves his mom a lot, but he's not one to show a lot of emotion and doesn't deal with illness or sad news all that well. Until she's better, I'm afraid he's just going to bottle everything up and be angry because he won't talk about it. This may be premature, but I know him well and if I know how to help from day 1, then maybe I can make it all a little easier for him.

I'm not the kind of person who can just sit back and wait (though I know that's part of it) so I was hoping someone out there can tell me what I can do to start helping immediately. (any advice - for me, mom, dad, hubby - is appreciated)

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  • NancyNJ
    NancyNJ Member Posts: 128
    edited January 2009

    Hey Megan - I can only help from the Mom side and how my son reacted. I was diagnosed 12/1/08 surgery 12/12. My son and only child ( 22  & law student) was coming home for the holidays so I decided not to tell him until he got here. We have always enjoyed a very close relationship and I knew he would be mad that I had waited to tell him but I also knew he needed to see my face and hear from me that I was OK. Mothers and sons have a unique relationship - sometimes good and sometimes bad. He's been great , wants all the information and is being really supportive in my recovery. Your husband will be fine. My best to you and your family.

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  • Megan_D9206
    Megan_D9206 Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2009

    I hope my husband comes around. I don't think he's even talked to his mom yet. I've done all of the calling... I hope he soon realizes that ignoring things doesn't make them go away.

    Good luck with your recovery! I hope all goes well and I hope that you have a wonderful 2009!

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  • pk0199
    pk0199 Member Posts: 586
    edited January 2009

    Megan,remember men react very differently than women. If they can't 'fixit' then they tend to feel very inadequate. Keep talking but don't push, be there when he needs you.

    My son (16) still won't discuss it, I just tell him what he needs to know, going for this going for that. Hubby is very supportive but again doesn't show very much emotion to me. He has had however back trouble ever since this has started-keeps all his stress in his back.

    I just keep my eye on them, we talk when they want to.

    Best of luck to you.

    P

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