Tried of Being Sick and So So Depressed

carpediemocc · January 2009

I wasn't sure where to put this post. I suppose most of my mental state right now is a result of feeling sick from the chemo.

I got another big dose of THC Friday. Yesterday I had to get my son to the airport so he could go back from Christmas break. I got a call some 3 hours later that his flight was delayed till today. I just wanted to get him away from me and all this sickness. He doesn't need to be around the stress that's happening here. We don't know where his luggage is.

Add to that my significant other (who happens to be a raging alcoholic) is without a job. The electric/gas bill is up to $600 some dollars, his car is in danger of being repossessed any day now and we are way, way behind on rent. We are getting food from the church.

As far as medical bills I really don't know where I can get help for that. I have insurance, but there are the co-pays every week and the PET scan the insurance decided not to pay for.

Plus I was too sick to go to work today so I'm worried about my responsibilities at work.

If I weren't sick from this cancer and chemo I could think clearly and maybe do something about all of this. I'm going to try and work on one crisis at a time.

Anyhow thanks for listening!

PuddinTame · January 2009

Wow! You do have a lot going on. I'm sorry you have those big concerns when you have cancer to worry about. I don't know where you live, but maybe the American Cancer Society could help with some of this--referrals to other resources. Locally (in sort of small town Texas), I would ask the United Way or the local version of YWCA for help or referrals. Maybe your church could also provide referrals to other resources for help with the stress, the PET scan, co-pays, and/or rent assistance.

I hope things turn around for your soon.

Lori

smithlme · January 2009

I am so sorry you are dealing with so much. I had to learn that today is the only day I can live in, not yesterday, not tomorrow, only today. If that is too overwhelming, take it by the hour. I know how difficult it is to think clearly when your world is turned upside down. I can offer nothing but a huge gentle hug and let you know that I am thinking of you and sending you strength...

Linda

nobleanna007 · January 2009

Hi,

I am so sorry you are going through this it will get better. I had a terriable time with chemo, but as you the stress made it worse. You need to do what you said above it take one step at a time. Get on the phone call your Oncology dept. and ask for a socialworker who can help you with everything from finding you assitance and also and with your depression thats what they are there for and I believe at least in my clinic it was a free service. Call your local or State helpline and talk with someone, believe it or not some are nice and will direct you to some diffrent resources. Check in with the Susan Komen Website they have alot of imfo and will help with certain bills, The BrestCancer Coalation will help with rent food fuel etc. Please call a friend and both of you try to get a hold of some services. I feel so sorry and if I had a million dollars I would help you out. Knowone should go through this alone. What did your son say you need to not hide it from people let people help you.

Also is that a picture of a POM? I have one named Callie and she is a party mix and the love of my life. She is sharing me with a rescued chiuaua (SP) named Brandy who looks like a mini of her its so cute.

Good-luck to you and make those calls!!!! I know its hard but your fighting for your life and there is help out there. I am sure more people will be reponding to you with other ideas.

Hugs!!!!!!

debisongbird · January 2009

Good Lord! I was feeling sorry for myself alittle, but then I read your post. I can't imagine having to deal with where food or electricity will come from while dealing with the side-effects of chemo. I don't know where you live, either, but I know that not only could United Way & ACS be useful, but there is an organizaton called "Catholic Charities" which (at least used to) help with medical expenses, etc...You don't have to be catholic to receive help, either. At least last time I heard of the organization. Also, contact the American Red Cross. They may also be able to help with food or electricity. God Bless You. Don't worry about others right now. Just take care of yourself. God Bless, Debi

dlb823 · January 2009

carpediemocc ~ One of the other women on this board had put together an incredible list of resources for women with bc. Since she hasn't come across your post yet, let me give you a link to her website: http://bb67.wikispaces.com/

I'm sure your family finances and DH's problems are overwhelming to you right now, and that the stress of bc and SE's of chemo must make it difficult to do anything more than get through the day. Is there anyone you can reach out to to help you make some phone calls? I know the ACS has volunteers for all sorts of needs (like transportation), and I'm wondering if maybe they would have someone available to help you organize your needs and start calling potential sources of assistance? Or perhaps a large local church -- maybe a retired member who is good with budgets and making phone calls? Surely there are people out there who would be only too happy to step up and help you if they know of your needs. And often churches have emergency funds for non-members in dire situations -- and having bc, being on chemo, and not being able to pay utility bills certainly fits most criteria. Please try to reach out, and I will be praying that you find someone to help you through this ~ Deanna

carpediemocc · January 2009

Thank you for the encouragement ladies. I haven't really accessed any services except for the ACS for a wig and some literature on nutrition. They just seem like they'r too busy.

I will check some of those resources!

THANKS!

P.S. Yes that is a POM in my siggy, his name is Grizzly and he was rescued from an abusive home. He's still a little nuerotic.

PuddinTame · January 2009

Carpe, I sent you a PM. HTH!

kerry_lamb · January 2009

Smith hit the nail on the head. You can only live in THIS day. When I woke up and realised that, all the other stress was put in perspective. Chemo does make you muddled and sad and crazy, so who can possibly plan ahead and be organised and fantastic?? lol Don't worry about your boy (easy said, I know!). You don't say how old he is but maybe this is his chance to step up to the mark as a man. Love and strength coming your way!

lizzy68 · January 2009

wow carpe I wish you all the luck to get the help you need financially and medically.. Your son is of collage age he should be fine... Just do what you can per day and please don't stress to much as that is going to help either... I know easy to say. Please talk to the pastor at the church your getting your food from now, they should be able to send you in the correct direction for help and maybe even help you with those calls...

Sending hugs and good wish's your way. Lizzy

nobleanna007 · January 2009

Carpe,

How is everything going??? Have you been able to find some help??? I hope the imfo everyone has sent your way has helped.

I love the name Grizzly!!!! Your a good person. to rescue. I to rescued both mine. My new one is a litlle neurotic wants to be in my lap always!!! and my pom she is got OCD she constantly laps you and everything none stop but she is a sweetie and its better than her being ugly!!!

Hugs-Bridget

carpediemocc · January 2009

Nobleann - I literally had to redirect the man who was taking him to the pound. The owner was a friend of our feind and his wife no longer wanted "the dog." I can't say he is "cured", but at least he's better than when I first saw him. Poor little thing was crated most of the time by the wife and didn't even know he was supposed to go outside to pee and poo.

I haven't had a chance to call anyone. Too busy being sick these last few days and worried about work.

I talked to one of the ladies at work yesterday and she told me not to worry about it, they could handle it. There was only one person at work I was worried about, the one who would be picking up the slack for me. I'm sure she's none too happy about it and I'll get a lecture about how I organize my things once I get back to work. Oh well *shrug*

I'm better today, mentally and physically. It's hard for me to be sick and unable to do anything. I have always been the "fixer" and it's difficult not to be able to fix everything around me ARG!

Saturday I will be traveling to another city to get a free wig that was won off of a radio show LOL!

I'm pretty excited about that!

nobleanna007 · January 2009

Carpe,

I am going to face the same challenges as you with my new little one, she has never been outside and is doing pretty good with the piddlepads but still has acciedents. I am going to wait till spring to try to do some housebreaking. She was in a puppymill and also in a cage so she does not understand about the whole bathroom thing.

I know how the sick thing goes I was a manager and now I don't work at all and pretty much worked all my life and loved my job. It really depresses me some but I need to get healthy first.What stage are you ? our BC is the same I am also triple positive 5/28 lymphnodes positive.I am stage 111a and it is a tough long road. although I had a bilateral with reconstruction I still needed Rads due to lymphnodes. I am still going through Herceptin and thats not so bad, Tamoxifen gives me a few SE but dealing. I need to do more reconstruction due to failed expander and I am going to go another route on that one. But I have had neuropthy and something else going on so physically although I want to complete everything by the summer I need to get healthy enough to get through a long surgery. How many more TX do you have to go through? Please call your oncologist and tell them whats going on and I know if they are worth a dang they will find you the help and someone who will help with all the phone calls etc. My Socialworker was and still is a godsend. I am off today to try to find out some more imfo on what is causing me so much pain which is unrelenting and I am seeing a Rheumatologist. I just love going to one Dr. after the next. Hopefully he wil find something in my bloodwork that indicates something. I worry all the time I have bone mets and I need to get it out of my head. I do go for all my scans this month so hopefully all of this will ease my mind.

Good-luck on the new wig and before you know it you won't have to wear one it goes by fast!!!!

Bridget

carpediemocc · April 2009

I'm DONE!

Actually I had my last about a month ago, but just now posting. Glad it's over now on to the surgery!

Tried of Being Sick and So So Depressed

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