Why can't I remember much from when my kids were babies

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samon
samon Member Posts: 100
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

This really bothers me.  My youngest is almost five and I look back to the baby days and I feel like I don't remember anything about it.  I see young mothers with their babies and they comment about how they just watch them explore their hands or feet and make cute sounds etc. etc. and I just don't remember doing much of that even though I was home with him 24/7.  I think I remember more from my first child then I do from my second.  Of course, I don't have many videos or pictures of my second child like I did for my first.  I was the last child in my family and I always noticed there weren't many pictures of me either so I vowed to not do that to my kids and here I did the same thing. 

Is that normal to forget all that baby stuff???  I just feel like I don't remember anything.  I just watched the video from when he was a baby and I have maybe 20 minutes of tape from zero to one year compared to a whole tape or more of my first child.  What was I doing during that time???? I feel horrible that I can't remember anything.  My bc diagnosis came when he was 15 months old so I can understand that time period being a blur.

I don't remember singing songs to him or doing any normal baby things.  I must have done something with him because I was at home with him every day.  I know part of my time was consumed with my older child too.  When you have more then one child you have to share your time with all your kids and not just concentrate on your baby.  I had all these nice books that had "baby games" ideas and I never even used them. 

I remeber when I would feed him I would watch tv or read at the same time because he took at least 45 minutes to eat and then there was the burping yet.  I hear these other young moms talk about just staring at their kids as they ate and watching every moment and savoring it and I think of how bad I was not even paying attention. 

So my question is...do other people live through that time in a blur too or is it just me.  Do other people have more pictures and things from their first then of their other children.  I think I remember more of my first child's "firsts" then I do of my second child and it makes me feel so bad. 

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  • hooptiedoo
    hooptiedoo Member Posts: 100
    edited December 2008

    The same thing happened to me when mine were growing up. At the time it's happening, it seems like everything they do is so wonderful, you'll never forget it, but as time goes on, the poor old brain just gets too full to remember it all. When I see a baby now, I can remember how it felt and how much I enjoyed my kids..Also, now that I'm 56 and a BC survivor, a lot of memories from the past will just pop into my head for no reason, including memories of my kids.  It's not the details that are so important, it's the overall experience. Relax and enjoy your kids and live in the here and now. They won't remember much of their childhoods, either!

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited December 2008

    Well said!  I doubt many who have more than one child remember all that stuff and it's a known fact that almost all families do fewer pics with each additional child.

    Please quit beating yourself up, as you said you were dx'd when he was so small, I wonder that you actually remembered to feed him with all you had going on!

    I'm 65 and my kids are 39 and 36--I only remember a few things about each as wee ones.  But those few memories are special and I treasure them.  Don't sweat the small stuff!  You have TIME to make more memories and to enjoy your kids as they are now and will be later.

    Blessings!

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  • ebann
    ebann Member Posts: 3,026
    edited December 2008

    I only have one and I can tell that there is apart of her life I do not remember. She is 19 now. I have all kinds of pictures but I skipped years here and there. So I do not recall what happened in that time. I do cherish what I have collected and I get excited when I remember something. I scrapbook and that has really helped me put somethings together. Though she has big gaps here and there cause I never got more pictures. I did not finish filling out her childhood book. My intention was there just never happened. I agree with hooptiedoo, enjoy what you can remember. Cherish the time you have now. Life is so precious and do not beat yourself up. No one is perfect and believe me I am far from it.

    Blessings; Elizabeth

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  • LorenaB
    LorenaB Member Posts: 937
    edited December 2008

    I only have one child who will be 8 in March. I constantly feel guilty because I didn't take enough pictures or videos, never did a good job of organizing photo albums, never remembered to write down all the "firsts" in a baby book.  They were such a big deal at the time, it felt like I would remember them forever, but now, as you say, it's all a big blur.  My son is so talkative and has such a big vocabulary now, it's hard to remember him when he was 3 and said all those cute preschooler phrases. When I see people with babies now, I really struggle to remember that stage with my son.

    I know that part of the reason it's such a blur is that I was so busy and also suffered from a bit of post-partum depression.  I had to go back to work FT when he was just 2 months old, and my husband was working a night shift and going to school, so I guess I have an excuse for not spending loads of time making scrapbooks and cataloging memories. But still, it bothers me the way it bothers you.  My son asks me what he said/did when he was little and I have a hard time remembering.

    Kids grow up so fast! Luckily mine still likes to give me hugs and sleep in my bed sometimes, I'm treasuring these days because I know they may end soon.

    Lauren

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  • carolsd
    carolsd Member Posts: 358
    edited January 2009

    samon, you're not alone. I have twins who will be 14 on Saturday. I only remember vague moments of their babyhoods. When I watch videos, it's like... "oh yeah, I remember Steven used to cry that way" but before the video I didn't think of it.

    Don't beat yourself up!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2009

    What an interesting topic. 

    I am 62 and my girls are 39, 37, and my youngest will be 36 on the 9th of this month.  I always had two in diapers and two cribs.  I can remember a few more things about my first than my other two.  What I do remember is my middle dd carried a blanket and sucked on it..LOL  And she was not night trained until she was about four.  My youngest..I'll NEVER forget this one...she was abut four months old.  Our friend took us out for Mother's Day.  The little seafood restaurant we went to had little private areas to eat.  Everytime we walked in to the restaurant the baby would scream.  I went to the car with her thinking she had a tummy ache...she took a little of her bottle and pooped..thought that would end the screaming problem.  Nope!  It ended up that I sat in the car while dh ate, then he took over and I ate.  What a memorable Mother's day!  I could never figure out why she yelled so much when we went into the restaurant and shut up when we got into the car.

    There are soooo many things I cannot remember.  But now I'm a grandmother of two and I look at those two little spoiled kids..LOL..and thought..MY KIDS NEVER ACTED LIKE THAT!  I'm sure they yelled and played loudly, but one thing they NEVER did was talk back to me..like telling me NO.  As they got older they may have gone on their rooms, slammed the door, and no tell what they may have called me..but not to my face. LOL

    Like everyone says..don't beat yourself up.  What happens NOW and each day is important.  Having more than one little one around makes it hard to make memories last..and sometimes we don't WANT to remember..LOL

    Have a great New Year with your children.

    Shirley

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