reconstruction or not ?????

I really needed this thread this week--talk about good timing.  I'm 52, had a uni mast 3 years ago this month and had opted for no reconstruction.  I adjusted well to having a flat side (gotta love that Amazon warrior look--no breast to get in the way of the bow!).  Going braless at home and on errands in loose clothing was fine, but at size D cup, the remaining breast was hanging a bit low and uncomfortable without a bra.  I retrofited a few old bras by removing one cup and attaching a stretchy fabric in it's place that would lie flat against the boobless side.  This was actually pretty comfortable, but clothing just does not fit properly when you have one flat side and one D side. My tops would get all twisted around me.  Even those that were fairly loose would shift toward the boob side.

My first prosthesis (a size 09/D) was an Amoena "temperature controlled" model (can't remember #).  It was heavy and by the end of the day, I just wanted it away from me.  Last January I replaced it with a somewhat lighter Amoena model, but I still don't like it.  I've gone to several stores (Nordstrom, specialty boutiques, etc.) and they tell me the fit of both the bra and prosthesis are correct, so that's not the problem.  I don't like it because: a) it's still noticeably heavy on my chest wall, b) it often migrates toward my remaining boob, and c) when I lie down while wearing it, it sits up firm while my own sags to the side.  (You wouldn't think you do much lying down in public, but you'd be surprised.  I have this horrible photo of me last year lying back to kiss the Blarney stone and all you see is this big protruding mound!)  Not the fault of the prosthesis, but I also only have cleavage on one side (kinda odd in bathing suits or certain tops).

My girlfriend went through a breast reduction this summer and raves about the results, so I started thinking about a reduction on the remaining boob.  But 3 weeks ago, I had "abnormal" results on the mammo screening and even though they don't think there is any cancer, I've realized that I don't want to go through this "what if" anymore and I'm now discussing a prophylactic mast with my onc surgeon.  She totally supported my decision 3 years ago to not have recon, but she also knows that I have not been happy with the prosthesis. She recommended a consult with a PS.  I loved the guy (empathic, took lots of time to explain everything) and came away considering reconstruction on both sides.  But then I remembered all the reasons why I chose not to recon the first time around--major surgeries, and the associated risks, to implant or rearrange my healthy (accept for the cancer) body, pain, discomfort with the idea of having foreign objects in me, pain, horror stories I read on discussion boards, did I mention pain? 

So here I am back in a discussion board, reading your posts, and wondering what to do.  I think I'm really ok with flat-chestedness at home, with friends, out and about in the neighborhood, but I'm not so cavalier at work.  I teach at a university and there are 20 pairs of eyes staring at me as I stand in front of the classroom.  It may be a projection, but I swear that when they are bored with the lecture, they all spend their class time judging my appearance (oh, that sounds really narcissistic!).  If I eventually get beyond this self-consciousness, then boobless it shall be, but right now I can't imagine being flat-chested at work.  If I don't opt for recon, this means TWO falsies and I already don't like the one!!!  Common sense tells me I can get smaller, lighter falsies, but are they really comfortable???  Anyone else go through this "hate the falsies" issue and come out happy? 

Sorry for the long, long post, but I really needed to get this off my chest (haha!) today.

Anianiau, thanks for putting it into perspective for me!

I am newly diagnosed with DCIS.  I elected to have mx.  Set for Jan 20.  Like everyone else I'm scared to death.  My mom died of breast cancer about 32 years ago.  It seems like I have just been waiting all my life for this.  I am overwhelmed and just don't want to have to decide about reconstruction on top of everything else.  I am leaning towards just waiting?  Any comments. This is a great site.  Thank you all.  The support is unbelievable.

yes - don't feel pushed into deciding now if you have doubts - I almost did the recon just because I felt pressured by my surgeon - I am glad I waited - I didn't end up doing it (10 years out now) though I know many have success and are happy with it, for me, the surgery etc was just not something I was comfortable with. I have had ups and downs re forms - I've tried many and continue to search for something I really like. I know of women who love the forms they have - are very happy with them. It's a journey - day at a time! Best of luck with the mastecomy - give yourself time.

Hi There,

       My surgery is sch for Monday dec 29, I have decided against recon, I am 55 there seems to me that their are a lot of bras out there that would work better than the items that you don't like??!!

                           I went and looked at those and they do not look comfortable. Lots of people say they just use the puffys they get at the hospital. I am anoius to get this over with and hope I am not tooo sad at the whole thing!!  I know their are gel bra's out their too could we not rmove one side?? Just a thought. Good luck with your decision!! Pamela

I'm only ten days post surgery, but have not missed my breasts at all. I've looked at my chest every day since surgery, and besides thinking it looks bizarre in its current state of puffy, slightly bruised, taped, stitched bumpiness, it doesn't bother me to look at it at all. I can't imagine, for me, going through further surgery, pain, and recovery just to have them back, especially if they feel as oddly tingly/numb as my chest feels now!!!

Hugs to all, no matter their recon decisions!!!

Hi Everyone, well think of me at 530am tomorrow!!!..............I am going to fight with mysurgeon to try to stay 2 days, I only have my husband and daughter and neither are tooo excited about helping with the drains!!!

                 I had my chemo first, which was never really explained to me, so i am hpping not to have to do it after!!  My lump is gone or at least I cannot feel it anymore, thank you sooo much for all of your comments, they really help. Because of all the negative recon comments on here  and my own personal choice I decided against recon, too much pain for me.

                 Wish me luck and i will be on again as soon as I am able too!!! Pamela 

"Gryffin Song,  How are u feeling after 10 days.  How's it going with the drains.  I am very nervous about that.  I guess it just something else to focus on. "

Physically, I feel quite good. I can walk around, do minor tasks, carry light things, and so on. The drains are a little uncomfortable, and I'm hoping to get one or two of them out tomorrow. I'm off of pain meds for the most part. The overall experience hasn't been too bad. I'm able to look at myself, and at the stuff draining out, but sometimes feel frightened and lost. The surgery itself, emotionally speaking, seems to be the least of my problem. More difficult, for me, is the feeling of my life being out of control, of having failed the last few years of my life, and fears around taking care of myself, especially during a difficult winter without my full strength.

I'm very glad I chose not to reconstruct, because the pain is minimal, and I'm not having any of the issues that recon patients seem to have with pain and such.

Hugs and good luck!

jkfran,

Most women are ready to be fitted for breast forms between four and eight weeks after surgery. I've met some women here who were fitted as early as two weeks after, but for most of us four weeks is the minimum time necessary for healing. I was fitted at four weeks, but later wished I'd waited a little longer. My incisions were basically healed but I still had some sensitivity. It was hard to judge at that point what would be comfortable a few weeks later.

One thing I've found is that just as reconstruction is a process, learning to live breast-free is a process too, requiring trial and error before you find the most comfortable (and attractive) breast forms and bras. It's very individual. Some women, like Barbe (who just posted above), opt to go flat. I admire that solution, but so far I feel too self-conscious to go without forms. I really want to look as good in clothes (or better) than before my surgery, which for me means having the appearance of breasts. Initially, it was challenging to find things that were comfortable AND looked good. Over time, I discovered lightweight silicone forms with fabric backing that I wear in little non-pocketed bralettes. My favorite bralette is by Maidenform. I've never had a problem with a form migrating or falling out, even though the bra has no pockets. For exercise, I wear an Amoena foam leisure form (Style 126) in a Still You Tank Top (really a classic camisole with pockets), usually with a tee shirt over it. This works for me and I'm quite active. Other women wear mastectomy sports bras or find various other solutions.

If you check out my non-profit website, BreastFree.org, you'll find suggestions for breast forms and bras that I and other women have found particularly comfortable. Also, if you check out the Helpful Links section, under "Post-Mastectomy Products Online," there are links to several websites where where you can browse and get an idea of the large number of breast forms and bras that are available. When you're healed, it's best to go to a certified fitter, who will hopefully recommend forms that suit your size and needs.

For the time just after surgery, check out my Post-Surgical Interim Solutions section for ideas about camisoles and puffy forms to wear, plus other suggestions to make things easier while you heal.

Hope I didn't overwhelm you. Best of luck with your surgery.

Barbara

Don't listen to your friends, listen to yourself.  My friends, particularly my mom, were "of course you're getting reconstruction, so you can just go on as normal."  I think it's easier for those around us to see that we look like we did before, it somehow makes them less scared for you.  But, life has changed, and we will be forever changed, whether we look like it on the outside or not.  So do whatever your heart feels is right for you, and you only.

I am lucky most of my friends have agreed with my decision not to have recon now.  I am 54 and been married for 30 years.  My husband is also supportive of my decision.  I just couldn't stand to listen to options for recon.  Couldn't meet with another doctor.  So I am going with my gut.  MX on Jan 20 with no recon.  I feel I can always opt for it later.  Thanks to all of you for your support.  Today is a bad day.  A little teary.  But most of the days since diag 12/19 have been ok.  Went shopping for silky pjs this weekend. I decided to splurge and not worry too much about price.  I deserve it and so do you. 

how long were you off from work after mx?

otter,  I am so overwhelmed it was just nice hearing from others (here and at home) that it is okay to be overwhelmed and that there is no wrong decision (recon or not) 

Hi Everyone,

    Well I am done my surgery was Monday, and I did not recon.  They almost over dosed me on morphin..........I was in a coma like state for the first 14 hours.........they thought it was my reaction to the anthessia............I finally was awake enought by 5am the next mrning to scream no more morphin, they thought I was in pain so they kept giving me more...............with in two hours of being taken off that stuff I was fine.

           I have had no pain except this horrible tight ace bandage which the nurses were afriad to loosen, I slept on my side last night, only stayed one night in the hospital, nurse came to my house today...............to explain drains etc, ace band comes off tomorrow, I plan to put a bandage on my scar as fast as I can and put a shirt on, don't want to deal with that yet!!!

            To the ones deciding its what in your heart, only you will know what is under your shirt, with all of the bras today only you nd your lover will know.  I sometimes laught at all of the plastic boobs that are out their for vanity sak and here we are worring for a real reason.

             You can always do it latter and if you read some of the problems people have had on here it is scary a little. I will write again tomorrow!! Pamela 

For those concerned about drains:  I won't deny they are a nuisance, but they are not too difficult to deal with. They pinch a bit and I think that often made it hard for me to sleep. Emptying them, etc. was no big deal for me. When I went out, I obsessed over how to hide the bulges from them. It's easier under winter clothes. Just wondering...could they not somehow make them smaller?! You could just empty them more frequently right? I've had them several times and each time I had them removed I immediately felt 10x better! That being said,  I hope you will all find that the reality of drains is not as bad as the dread of them.

 I too think it's interersting when people feel the need to weigh in on whether or not you have recon, what type, etc. When I had my mastectomies, I knew I wanted to at least try recon and what kind, so I guess I never gave anyone the chance to suggest otherwise.  When I had to have one implant removed and decided against further recon for now, there were people I told and people I just told I had surgery because of "reconstruction issues".  There are friends and even family I may never tell that I didn't have recon. I don't think they'll be able to tell by looking at me. And it's really none of anyone's business anyway.

 God bless you all,

Angela