how do you cope when they don't want to treat??

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pooka1978
pooka1978 Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My grandmother was just newly dx with bc. Actually, I found her lump and took her to the dr. I just happen to be a mammographer, and breast health educator. She has decided not to treat and I respect that, but everything in me wants her to fight. I should admit that she is an older woman, nearly 91, but her quality of life is good. She has never had any real health problems to speak of. Lives in her own home, and cares for her beautiful garden without any help.  I know that I am being selfish. I want her with me always, but her only child died earlier this year of a PE after surgery, and she has really lost any will to live.  I am sure this is word vomit, I am still trying to process.

Has anyone been through this?

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  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited December 2008

    Pooka, so sorry you are dealing with this and that your grandma does not want to fight this.  Is the BC something that could be surgical removed without other treatment?  Did they even do a bx?  Perhaps a discussion with her with a medical person (counselor) explaining that she could do teh sx and decide from there if further tx were warranted?  She might be okay to just do a lumpectomy and no further treatment if it's caught early enough.  What type of doctor did she see, and did she have a mammo then?

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited December 2008

     You say that your grandmother  has a good QOL now - maybe she wants to continue a good QOL even if means a little less time. She could be afraid of surgery because of  the PE her child (your mother or father I take it) had following surgery.  She may feel that she will have a longer life without surgery. You are not being selfish - you obviously love and care for your grandmother very much.  I agree with Wish, maybe go to the doctor with your grandmother and see what the doctor is recommending, not so much to change grandmother's mind, but to help make sure that you both understand what Tx options are and the relative risks for Tx. There is no rush for the surgery - a few week should not make a major difference in outcome. Support your grandmother in whatever decision she makes. Continue to let her know how much you love and care for her.  Spend time with her.

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