What can I do to HELP/ COLLEGE?

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mghockey33
mghockey33 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

In the midst of studying for three finals and finishing four papers that are due today, a usual occurrence as a freshman at Cornell University, my mom called me as she was on the way to visit my sister who is a sophomore at Miami University of Ohio. Over thanksgiving break my dad told me and my brother to wait downstairs while they "talked". This is something that my eleven year old brother and I have been doing for years as my parents have been through extremely rough circumstances together for which I will spare sharing. We were then told that my mom had recognized a weird lump in her breast for quite some time. She had me feel the lump for my interest in becoming a doctor. It is actually rather large. She then told us that her mammogram showed the lump as something other than just normal or a cyst . She has had a cyst in her knee before and had surgery on that. But now that they thought it was something else, my sister broke down and cried. I was just thankful that we where home together when she found out. My mom being as strong as she is through what she has been through reassured me that it was not going to be breast cancer. So today when the call came through and I begged her to tell me what it was, I found that I broke down and have been crying ever since to find out that my mom has breast cancer. Not only that, but she has also been suffering from back pain, and as I have been studying for a final tomorrow on cancer, I can not help but wonder if her cancer has metastasized and spread to her bones or adrenal glands. The only thing we can do is wait for the results. I do not know what I would do if that was the case. 

For such a strong women that she is, I cant help but wonder why everything bad has to happen to her. She has been the light of my life and directed me to follow all of my life goals, impossible or not. I now have so many concerns and do not know where to turn. Does anyone have any advice on how to help a mom in need? My dad has been helping her out taking her to appointments but I know my brother is probably so confused because he is only in sixth grade. Not only that, but my sister is also a very sensitive person and we do not get along really well. I just don't want to see my family fall apart throughout all of this because we have been working so hard on our family. Also, I am the kind of person to depend on friends for help through tough times, but even though I can talk about it as much as possible, nothing seems to help. It is so frustrating.

Finally, with an upcoming surgery and talk of chemotherapy, I can not help but wonder how I can help out my family as a whole. I am here at college finishing my first semester at a school that costs 50 grand and I have no financial aid package. With outstanding upcoming healthcare bills, the thought of dropping out or transferring has been real. If I could transfer to an in state college to reduce the amount of money my parents have to pay on me, then maybe I can help out in a big way. Does anyone have any suggestions? Also, I read that someone else has moved home to be there to help out... I want to be able to be there with my mom through all of the steps because she has done so for me throughout my struggles. Is this a bad idea?

Thank you to everyone for your help! Oh and I almost forgot to ask, with christmas rapidly approaching, is there anything that I could buy for my mom pertaining to helping her cope and recover for christmas? I hope everyone has a happy HEALTHY holiday. I know my christmas will be very different this year and I am praying for EVERYONE!  

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  • monee
    monee Member Posts: 91
    edited December 2008

    mghockey -You sound like such a great daughter.  Obviously your parents raised you well. As a mom of a college student, I would never ask them to consider transferring to a state college if they were intellegent enough to be accepted to Cornell. It would be nice of you to offer, but I can't imagine your parents taking you up on the offer.  If they have decent health insurance, the tratment cost probably won't break the bank. If they don't, well thats another story.  I think if there was anything I would ask of my kids during this time, it would be to take care of themselves and help with the housework.  It would be nice if they cleaned the bathroom or mopped the kitchen floor without being asked.  And what would be especially nice is if they cooked for themselves sometimes too.  Treament is exhausting no matter how strong a person you are. Best wishes.

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  • PSK07
    PSK07 Member Posts: 781
    edited December 2008

    mghockey, as a mom I can say - what a daughter you are!

    First, acknowledge to mom and dad that you know school is pricey. Second, if you're really worried about money, look into some of those scholarships - Cornell's business office should have lists of all kinds of private money, lots of which goes begging.  Take some time over winter break and start filling stuff out.  If you haven't already, fill out the FAFSA - you might be eligible for something. 

    If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to finish up this year. Go back for your next semester and do her proud. Call her on the phone, send her cards 'just because', and when you can spare a weekend, do it.  Before you know it, you'll be home. This probably won't be a short-term issue with your mom, and those helping now will be ready for a break come May. Over this break, do some cooking and put it in the freezer so your dad and brother have something to fix and eat.  Take your brother out, think of some things you can do for him - he'll be home and at loose ends when you're back in school.

    Does she have an ipod? a portable DVD player? Both of those would come in handy during treatment times. For the most part, take your cues from her. Every woman going through cancer is different. Some like to research everything, others can't deal with too much information. Taste buds change, skin changes, and what works today may not work tomorrow. Your love and presence (real OR virtual) will stay with her forever.

    Prayers and good wishes to you, your mom and the rest of your family.

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  • LW85
    LW85 Member Posts: 8
    edited December 2008

    I can't imagine having to deal with these emotions and not knowing at the same time as taking exams. I am so sorry you have to work through all of this. Stay strong! I don't know what it is like not knowing what the diagnosis is. My mom found out in July that she has BC. She told my younger brother and me the week before he went back to college in Chicago. I know he had a hard time handling this information. He and I react very differently to emotional situations which I think has had an effect on our relationship. We are not very close right now. I know my mom would not have wanted him to take a semester off or transfer schools to be closer to home because the college he is going to has the exact program he wants. My mom wants him to do well there.

    I graduated college in May, found a job about a half hour from my parents, and moved home while I apartment searched. I thought I had a place but had not signed a lease yet when my parents told us. It was not a hard decision for me to choose to stay home to help out. I am not giving up much (some social life perhaps!). My older brother lives 20 minutes away and has only come to my parent's house once since her surgery a month ago. I have not been close to him in the past and this has made things a little worse. My friends ask how my mom is, they listen, but they aren't the comfort I am looking for. I do feel very alone quite often in all of this.

    I know it would be a very hard decision though. Keep in mind how proud your mom is of you. Moms are extremely strong and they don't want their kids to have to give things up. I know my mom feels that I am living at home just to help out and she feels bad that I am not out living the life I was planning. We have both learned that you can't plan things out though. Taking life one day at a time is a must!

    I guess right now all you can do is your best during finals week. Then you can be there for your mom over break. I am trying to think of a good Christmas gift for my mom too. My mom is at home a lot right now and my dad and I work during the day. If that would be the same for your mom maybe something that she would enjoy that would keep her occupied during the day would be good. I wish I had some suggestions for you!! You can send me a message if I can be anymore help. We are only about half way through all of this, but it is nice to have someone sometimes.

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  • Lucy47
    Lucy47 Member Posts: 183
    edited December 2008

    mghockey...

    Being the mother of 2 daughter, that at the time of my dx were both in College (not out of town). They also needed to be there for me and do everything they could for me. I was lucky they were home, but that being said I also didn't want them to stop their lives for me and I wanted everything to stay as normal as possible. Sit down and talk to your parents and get a game plan started...this will include everyone in the family, everyone should do what they can.

    As for a Christmas gift....the best Christmas gift I got last year was a framed poem that my daughter wrote for me....letting me know what I meant to her. It still is the best gift I've ever gotten.

    You seem like a wonderful daughter....God bless you and your family 

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  • LisaF
    LisaF Member Posts: 200
    edited December 2008

    mghockey,

    As a mom, I would say the most wonderful gift is to continue with your studies.  I'm done with 6 out of 8 chemos and have been doing fine.  Cancer is not the end of the world!!  I noticed from your name that you must be a hockey fan.  My boys, ages 13 and 17, play hockey and I haven't yet missed a game (both rec and travel) due to my treatment.  We moms are much tougher than you might think!  And, the best gift a child can give their parents is to thrive. 

    Also, another great gift from kids is the attitude that everything is going to be fine.   My kids totally believe that and that helps me believe it too.

    You sound like a true sweetheart of a daughter.  You make me proud for all mothers of the world.

    Lisa

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  • mghockey33
    mghockey33 Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2008

    Wow!

    Thank you all so much for your kind words and quick responses. Your thoughts and advice have been motivating me and keeping me going all day, especially today.  It is so nice to hear that everyone is hopeful and so willing to help!! 

    I am praying for all of you and I am so happy to see that you are all strong and wonderful mothers and role models too!

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