Spiritual/Christian Thread

Anonymous · March 2005

That's a notice for anyone who prefers to NOT be exposed to this type thread. Turn back now, or forever hold your peace..

Ok, for those who are still with me, I felt I had to post this, in recognition and gratitude for what the Lord has done.

As many know, I went back to work Monday night. I was scared (mental deficits/fatigue/12+ hour shift at night). I talked to my Sunday School class about my fears, the bad week I had just finished, going back to work with suture in my chest, you name it, I moaned about it. They gathered around me, prayed that I'd be able to do my job, calm my fears and be a blessing to those I encountered at work. God bless this group, they've held me during this drama with bc.
Monday morning when I woke up, I could feel their prayers lifting me up, and such a peace inside. By the time I went to work Monday night, I was feeling like "oh, it's just time for bed " One of the first patients I had was a black woman in her early 50's who had recently been diagnosed with liver cancer. She was passive, looking scared. I discovered she was to have a port placed pretty soon, and when I told her it was my first night back after 6 months of chemo, and had just had my port removed, she looked astounded. (didn't the bandanna on my head give it away??? doesn't coordinate well with the official purple scrubs). I asked her would she like to see where my port was? she said definitely. I knew the Lord had given her to me, for a reason. I showed her my port site, with suture still in, told her what a blessing it was, and tapped it a bit and said "it's nothing at all really, that doesn't hurt when I do that"... can you say LIAR? LOL She looked so relieved, and it felt sooooooo goooooood inside to know I made a difference in her life, gave her hope. This story has more chapters, but I gotta run out the door, my first rad treatment is this morning and I can't be late. Yes, I'm a procrastinator, and have an unhealthy obcession with this site (apparently).

magsandmattsmom · March 2005

Beautiful. The Lord our Savior is truely faithful and right.

I believe that the class of 7th graders I had last year was chosen by the Lord to be with me during my treatmant last year. They weren't the "best" students but they were the best for me and all that I went through.

Amazing.

Solly · March 2005

Rachel,

I am a firm beleiver that things happen for a reason. Truly you were sent to guide this lady and calm her fears. I always say the Lord works in mysterious ways. My faith has gotten me through this ordeal and I have given my trouble up to the Lord to handle. It makes me rest easier.

I beleive we all can help someone else with our experience. That is why any time anyone wants to talk about my bc I will. I left my name at the plastic surgeon's office for anyone who wants to talk about the reconstruction procedure. I only hope I can help someone else.

Kathy_Verett · March 2005

Thank you, Rachel, for starting this! It is so good to hear stories like that; they are real faith builders. My family had changed churches about a year before I was dx, and we had been going to our Sunday school class for about 2 months. When I shared my prayer request, a lady came up to me and told me about her experience 10 years ago, she was a stage III, and has been NED. Another lady shared with me about a week later about her mastectomy 18 years ago. I am a firm believer that God does not waste our pain, and the verse in II Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

God is so good and I want to live my gloriously!

God bless your day!
Kathy

kimmytoo · March 2005

There's a girl in my sunday school class that has metastatic thyroid cancer. she has a 14 mo. old son. she has known about this since she was 17, but treatments had failed her. She had a few spots on pelvis and spine (all very, very tiny) - but nothing else at all. She had no additional treatment - had been told that since she didn't respond to the iodine treatment, they'd done all they could do.

She started going to the church in June, this past year also. We were in the same class, would say hello, etc. I didn't know about her cancer, she didn't know about mine. She was 27, I was 32 - we both had kids in the children's program - but really didn't click. I recurred in September, she found out it had gone into her lungs in November or so... I prodded her to look somewhere else for a trial drug - she found one at OSU in Ohio. Angel flights are taking her there for her treatments (I mentioned those to her because someone posted about them on this board...)

We have become fast friends. I have someone to cry to when I'm frustrated, with no guilt -- so does she. She doesn't live near this church, didn't know anyone there - I found this church on the internet when we moved to this town.... A bazillion sunday school classes, we pick the same one. I don't think it's coincidence. I needed someone, so did she. God put us together -- very awesome.

Glory · March 2005

I've heard that there are no coincidences, just opportunities that God uses to remain anonymous!

denisa · March 2005

there is a special section called Inspiration and/or Prayers on here that was especially and specifically set up for spiritual/christian threads after some members protested in the past. it was set up to enable those who are interested to go directly there instead of having religious discussions showing up in other threads for those who are not interested. i think this would truly qualify as an inspirational story for there...actually it was a very nice story.

denisa

Anonymous · March 2005

Denisa, let me tell you in very clear terms, I posted this thread here because I WANT to, felt lead to, and know that many more women browse this forum more than the others which are stuck way down low on the list of forums. I deliberately put the title as Spiritual/Christian thread BECAUSE I want to avoid posts such as yours. Also, I forewarned anyone who could have possibly missed the subject that they were about to read a post dedicated to this topic

"That's a notice for anyone who prefers to NOT be exposed to this type thread. Turn back now, or forever hold your peace.. "

Now, I will make myself even more clear, for you or anyone else who is reading this, I am under no obligation to warn you of the forum, nor content. I am under no compulsion to listen to unsolicited advice as to where to post my thread. I do not expect to hear from anyone else with regard to what I have posted or where it is posted. If I am pushed, I will be forced to take this up with the moderators, and it would actually be considered harrassment. Do I make myself clear? Was there anything unclear in my subject line or first few sentences??? Were you forced to continue reading this against your will? were you tricked into reading this? or were you warned more than once, just in case you didn't get the gist of the subject?? I have not said one thing in response to the unsolicited PM's or posts advising me how much they do not approve of the many of us who write of our faith, religious views, etc. That is entirely everyone's right to say what they do or don't want to read. We've discussed this subject, to a long slow death over the past weeks. But, women who deliberately come to a thread to cause trouble, ignoring the subject line, then reading the post and makeing nasty comments, make my blood boil. And I mean that with all my heart. As for anyone who is reading this, and there will be so many that this does not apply to, I apologize for the rant, but I will not tolerate posts like the one from Denisa without comment.

Anonymous · March 2005

Chapter 2

So, then later in the night, I got another patient, who was over 60 who was there for an unrelated problem. In doing her assessment, and interview, I realize she is a bc survivor. I asked her: how long ago was your surgery? and SHE CAN'T REMEMBER! Girls, isn't that a beautiful sign? Now this lady didn't have Alzeheimer's, she was sharp as a tack. It had become so unimportant to her, that she nearly forgot when it was. As it turned out, it wasn't that long ago, less than 10 years, and she had had lymph nodes taken as well. That lady was sent to me, to give me hope. And she sure did, Monday night.

Anonymous · March 2005

Chapter 3

This chapter begins Tuesday night. These are so long, I'm making them into chapters, thanks for bearing with me here. So, my unit is to admit people from the ER or direct admission from MD offices, day or night. Like most hospitals, we are so full, there's often a wait for a bed in our unit, and sometimes no beds available in the hospital upstairs, so they even get "stuck" in our unit til a bed opens up (don't ask how, in the middle of the night).

A co-worker, Cindy, came to me immediately when I come on the floor. Cindy has been a blessing to me, her mom just passed away with ovarian cancer, she's has a rough, tough exterior but is all heart underneath. Cindy told me that there was a patient of Dr. X waiting for us to get an empty bed, she was very sick, waiting in the lobby area. I knew this was an onc patient, by the doctor's name. She forewarned me, the lady and her family are kinda upset, thought maybe we could make it a little easier for them while they wait. She introduces me to them, and then leaves, her shift has ended. The patient, I'll call her Mrs. K, was about 60, full head of hair, didn't look emaciated, nor like a cancer patient, but it was obvious she was feeling terribly. She was wrapped up in blankets, a heavy jacket, and clothing underneath. It's Florida, 70 degrees here. She was quite vocal, and irritated about having to wait. After all, she felt miserable! I sat down, told her I was going to start with her admission from the lobby, to speed things along, so when her bed was ready on the onc. unit, we would be that much closer to getting her where she needed to be. Me, her and her sister were the only ones there. I got her extra blankets, and tried to make her comfortable, made her some hot tea, and she seemed more relaxed. (Thank you Lord) I started her interview, and for sake of time, I will just type events of her life over the past 8 years:

Diagnosed with bc '97 8 of 16 nodes pos., chemo, mast., recon.

June '02 bc mets to abdomen and colon, surgically removed large portions of the colon,started Herceptin, went into remission, did well.

Lost a sister to ovarian cancer

Sometime after that, she lost her daughter to ovarian cancer

Dec. 04 lost her husband to Melanoma

Jan. 05 they found the cause of abd pain in the right side was mets wrapped all around the colon, and the tumor was removed, started Gemzar

Hasn't really felt well since surgery, not gotten her "strength back", is a co-ordinator and leader in cancer walks etc., very active in her church and with the ACS.

Came to us cuz she had been feeling poorly and spiked a fever of 103 that evening. She had taken a break from the Gemzar to recover from some of the stress @ onc suggestion. This woman was an amazing woman, I felt such a bond, a connection with her from the beginning. After hearing her history, I was nearly in tears. She had such a good attitude, very very well educated on cancer, treatments etc. I told her I had just finished my chemo and it was my 2nd night back LOL I got her to a bed, then up to her room in about an hour and a half. Meantime, I tell her what a pleasure she has been. She told me, "honey, it's the Lord. I couldn't have done anything without Him. It was still pretty hard, but He made it possible for me to get thru it." What a beautiful statement! Before she went to her unit, she told me she hoped that I was finished with bc treatment, didn't have to go thru what she's been thru. I told her I hoped so too, but if I did have to, I hoped I could be like her, she had such a wonderful spirit despite the whole ordeal. This person was given to me to give me hope too. She gives us an example of a strong faith, the will to live, the wonders of modern medicine and the everyday miracles of God. What a testimony, I wish each of you could have met her, her fever was 103.9 when I was admitting her, terribly sick lady, but she was a witness to me, how awesome is that?

Anonymous · March 2005

II Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Thanks for those verses Kathy, seems like I've never really read them for their true meaning til today. I see y'all know exactly what I mean in this thread. And Kimmy, how amazing that you met this woman, can there be any doubt that your friendship was given to you by God?? Sometimes it's things like your post, Kathy's and Jill's that convince me the most, God is good, all the time. I love it when I see how HE's worked small miracles all along the way, to get me/us where we need to be, and right on time. Solly, you will be a blessing to many women, never doubt that.

Final Chapter

Tuesday morning, I was given a 47 yr old female who thought she had hurt her back, doing repairs and clean up during the Hurricane in September. Her back had gotten worse and worse, and for the past week, she had lost the ability to walk at all, and incontinent of her bowel and bladder at times. She was scheduled to go to Shands in Gainsville the next day to be evaluated. Unfortunately, she was being very badly undermedicated, had only recently gotten her first rx for Percocet, which wasn't helping. The nurse before me, got a order for Morphine in her IV every 2 hours if needed. I mean, really, this woman was suffering so badly, without a word. That's the least she deserved. She slept for a few hours straight, for the first time in weeks. We decided we would keep her as comfortable as we could. As it turned out, she had metastatic tumors all along her spine. She apparently didn't want to tell them when she came into the ER, seeking relief from this pain. Luckily, her boyfriend knew what she had been told by another doctor, and he passed this on to us. Was she in denial?? Not sure why she chose to remain quiet about this. She was so skinny and frail looking. I offered to have someone come pray for her, and she looked so relieved, she jumped at the opportunity. Truthfully, I am not comfortable praying for a patient outloud. I wish I were at that point in my life. Prayer is encouraged at our hospital, a Catholic facility. This woman taught me to be grateful for the ablilty to walk and work at my job. I needed to suck it up, quit complaining about being tired, etc. She was suffering without a word, it put me to shame. I hope she gets the care she needs, I think she was uninsured. I would like to say our hospital admits and treats patients without regard for their ability to pay. I know that's considered one of the mission statements . I see it in action daily, but you never know who gets left out. God bless her.

Shirlann · March 2005

Thank you, dear Rachel for such a lovely post.

I think I told the story of the day I was diagnosed and a young gal (to me) went with me to a chest x-ray site and she looked at me and whispered, I am a 17 year survivor of Malignant Melanoma. Wow, I loved her for that. It was just what I needed on that mind-numbing day.

Yes, Our Lord takes care of us. He leads us to where he wants us to be.

Thank you Rachel.

Shirlann

denisa · March 2005

want nothing to do with this

Anonymous · March 2005

Sherri, your post is just like Kimmy's. It's without a doubt, the hand of God putting the people who need us in our lives. It's so healing to be of use to someone else isn't it? They are giving us so much more than they imagine, just by allowing us to be there for them. I guess it means we really are moving on. I know your heart felt like it was gonna explode with joy, didn't it? I can't put it into words, how good it feels to realize I am in the midst of something so much greater than I could ever be. I see the same sentiment all thru these posts. There is a bond among some cancer patients that is so strong, so tangible, you can almost reach out and touch it. Our bodies may be touched by cancer ....but our soul can blossom.

Sachi · March 2005

I had chemo first , so when we went on a preplanned trip to Florida after my second chemo I was still pretty shell-shocked. My hair was coming out and I felt pretty miserable and far away from my support group. We were at a restaurant and a lady came up to me and asked if i was losing my hair. I said yes and she told me that she had been through this 10 years ago and was feeling great. I called her my angel. I think God knew I needed her to speak to me then.

Since then I have tried to be a support for others when they are diagnosed. In our small town I am usually one of the first ones called by friends or family so I can offer support and encouragement. What an honor!

Now - to just touch briefly on some unpleasantness in this thread. Rachel, Denisa is a wonderful, caring person. I think that you misunderstood her intentions. She wasn't being critical. I have suggested people move posts at times so that the most people will look at them (maybe a newbie posts under Moving Beyond or something like that.)

So - let's remember we're all in this together.

Take care everyone, Barb

sandycook44 · March 2005

Rachel, Thank you for starting this thread. Your stories are an inspiration. Please dont move this thread somewhere else.

Sandy

tricia45 · March 2005

Rachel - Thanks for starting this post. I truly believe God is taking my breast cancer experience and is going to use it as a ministry tool. I have already been connected with several other newly diagnosed women (some Christian and some not.) This whole ordeal has given me a chance to witness to a neighbor and others who I would have probably never talked to about my faith. I loved the Corinthian verse - I shared that verse with a friend several years ago when her husband was diagnosed with a "terminal" brain tumor - he's alive and doing well! I shared the verse with her because my son was born with a neuroblastoma (yes, cancer) and wanted her to know how God had walked with us thru that and had continued to be faithful to us even though our son was left physically and mentally disabled. Who knew that in August 2004, she would be ministering to me when I was the one with the diagnosis??

God is good, even when our circumstances are not. Thanks again for your lovely stories (good luck with your rads!!)

Tricia in Texas

Heidi521 · March 2005

Rachel-Thanks for taking the time to share all of your stories. I too believe everything happens for a reason. You returning to work at a certain time is not coincidence!
I turned this all over to the Lord the week of diagnosis, esp waiting for result of the catscan and bone scan, I just decided I couldn't do it alone. The Lord uses us in many ways, and I think our strength through Him in going through this is a witness to others. And I am a firm believer in prayer.
I have a neat story. I got a prayer and Bible verse sent to me from another cancer survivor(on this board!) in California-the verse is that "I will clothe myself in the warm white light of Jesus and all good things will come to me". I wrote it on a piece of paper and took it with me. In presurgery I asked the anesthesiogolist (sp???) if he could hold to my paper for me during the surgery. He said a paper would be fine under my pillow. When I got to the OR I was really cold, so the surgeon asked for some nice warm blankets. A nurse carried in two WHITE warm blankets. I knew it would all be ok. Other people in the recovery room had blue and pink blankets, so I knew it was not a coincidence. The paper was still with me in recovery and my room. I sent that on to someone else who was having her surgery a few days later.
Just keep looking for those messages of hope from Him!
Heidi

Anonymous · March 2005

Heidi and Tricia, what awesome testimonys! That white blanket Heidi! that was truly amazing! You're a much stronger woman that I am, I don't know if I could have given my paper away. I hope that I could be that selfless. I know that really had an impact on the person you gave it to. Tricia, I had a friend whose brother had the same type cancer as your son, I think. If I'm correct, that's almost always fatal isn't it? You know what we give or do is given back to us 10 times over, and that woman you comforted was there for you Tricia. God is good, all the time. I love reading these testimonies so much. This thread was meant to be an uplifting one, but I never imagined how many powerful testimonies would be written. Sandy, glad you enjoyed the thread, hope it gets more and more testimonies added along the way.

MattsMom · March 2005

I may have something to share. As many of you know, there has been a lot of personal pain in my life recently, not breast cancer related. I've been struggling with this, and it's been a huge blow to my self-esteem. I feel strong some days, but other days I just feel like life is too hard. Yesterday was one of those days; I really felt down.

Before bed, I prayed for strength and guidance. I also asked if God wanted me to know something, to make it obvious, because I might not pick up on it.

I climbed into bed and picked up a book at random on the nightstand (not the one I was reading, somehow I couldn't find that one). I opened it up to the middle, just seeing what the book was about, and the first page I saw had this chapter title: Hope Found. The chapter says that hope is overused as a word, it's lost it's power to move people, we use it casually, such as "I hope I get this job. Overusing a word that so well demonstrates our fervent need for strength when the world has gone mad for us stops us from hearing it's true meaning. We don't really understand the meaning and value of our hope until it is "blown by winds of tragedy right out of our hands. Then, because we are on our hands and knees searching for it, each speck we can recover is more precious than the last." "Hope that is damaged as a result of setbacks, losses and failures may not be easily repaired, but opportunities to find new hope in the world around us are plentiful, if we know where to look." There is a long chapter about this, and reading it was very helpful.

JoJo · March 2005

Rachel,

Thank you so much for starting this uplifting thread. I am also a true believer in the power of prayer. I love to hear the stories of how God has guided our lives. " God is good, even when our circumstances are not." Tricia in Texas, I love that and it is so true. I have asked God to lead me in whatever direction that my cancer experience can be used for his ministry as well.

I have a friend whose daughter was in a terrible car accident when she was a teenager. She had to be cut out of her car and was air lifted to the best trauma hospital in our area. She had very serious injuries including a very serious brain injury. She wasn't expected to live through the night. The doctors called the family in to be with her and told them that the brain injury was so severe that the only way that she could possibly live would be a miracle. We prayed and requested prayers from everybody that we knew and we started a prayer chain. There were people praying for this child all across this country. We all prayed and prayed. She lived through the night and the doctors were very relieved but they acknowledged that this was strictly a miracle that medically there was nothing more that they could do, she was on life support and her brain continued to bleed and swell and the pressure continued to rise even though she had a shunt to release the blood to hopefully allow the swelling to go down. But it didn't go down it continued to swell. Once again we were told that she would not make it through the night, that she now had so much swelling in her brain and so much pressure that she was showing no brain activity on the EEG, and that there was nothing more they could do, but to pray. I am serious the trauma doctors told us to pray. That told us that they had witnessed many miracles and that a miracle is the only chance that this child had. People across the country continued to pray for this child and once again she made it through the night. The doctors were happy. Of course so were we. She started to improve slightly and they started picking up brain activity again. Then her brain would swell so seriously that she would lose brain activity and they wouldn't expect her to live through the night. This went on and on for weeks. She was in a coma. And finally they said she would live but she would be brain damaged. People continued to pray for this child and after 5 weeks she woke up and started talking. She had to learn to walk again and to feed herself, but within 4 months she was walking and talking and to see her and to talk to her you would never know that anything had ever happened to her. She graduated High School and now attends college and she has NO brain damage. God healed her completely. God is good.

As Sachi felt the need to defend denisa, I also feel the need to defend Rachel. Because I feel that Rachel is a wonderful, caring person, and I don't think that she misunderstood denisa's intentions at all.

Rachel, I believe that you are allowed to post your thread in this forum or any other forum. As far as I know we have not been censored and made to post an inspiring Christian thread in a certain forum. You made it quite clear what your thread was about and you posted a warning. I think that you went beyond any obligations to make sure that no one was offended and I don't think that anyone should have been. It is annoying when you cannot post a thread with your thanks and beliefs without someone finding fault and basically telling you this type of thread is not welcome on this forum.

Quote:

"there is a special section called Inspiration and/or Prayers on here that was especially and specifically set up for spiritual/christian threads after some members protested in the past. it was set up to enable those who are interested to go directly there instead of having religious discussions showing up in other threads for those who are not interested. i think this would truly qualify as an inspirational story for there...actually it was a very nice story.

"Having religious discussions showing up in other "threads" for those who are not interested does not apply to this thread. I must say that Rachel's thread did not show up in "other threads" for those who are not interested. Rachel started her own thread, and her subject line plainly states that this is a "Spiritual/Christian Thread She did not post this in someone else's thread, for someone to stumble into it without warning, she started her own thread. And of course posting a Spiritual/Christian thread in any forum can be overlooked by anyone who is offended especially when it is in the title and there is a warning. I don't see the relevance of protesting this thread in this forum. There are many subjects posted here that also have their own "special sections", (forums), but I think the only time they are asked to post in a specific forum is when they would get a larger response to their questions. Such as Sachi mentioned: " I have suggested people move posts at times so that the most people will look at them (maybe a newbie posts under Moving Beyond or something like that.)"

It seems this is done to help the person who posted the thread not to censor them.

Thanks again for this uplifting thread.

Anonymous · March 2005

"blown by winds of tragedy right out of our hands. Then, because we are on our hands and knees searching for it, each speck we can recover is more precious than the last."

Wow, that is so powerful. What's the name of the book? It sounds like something I'd love to read.

Anonymous · March 2005

JoJo,there's not a bit of doubt where that childs healing came from! It's as if the reason behind her setbacks was to deliberately show the power of prayer, that it couldn't be mistaken for a fluke, over and over again. Thanks for sharing that beautiful story and thanks for saying so eloquently, what I couldn't put into words. I never ever meant to offend anyone, truly I didn't. I meant this as an uplifting thread, giving God the praise for his wonderful mercy during this, and how we can see His hand at work, caring for us in the midst of this disease. It's a pretty non-denominational post. I want to respect the right of others that don't believe, that's why I titled the thread, so it couldn't just "appear" withoout someone deliberately choosing to read it. I have given thought to my reply to denisa, and was it too harsh? I wouldn't be a fair judge of that. With my big mouth, I have invested in a big roll of duct tape. All I know is, I hate some of this thread has become so ugly. That's the direct opposite of my intentions. It was meant to be spiritul thread, which others could add to, and would benefit anyone who believed in God but found themselves depressed, in doubt, wondering if we're struggling through this world all alone, etc. The type of patients I were given was not a freak accident. They blessed me so much more than I could have ever blessed them. I just wanted to express my gratitude for them and the Lord. He turned a fearful time, for me, into a wonderful experience, That's all I was trying say.
Remember when I talked about my Sunday School class praying over me for this return to work? I'll be telling them about this thread, and the beautiful examples y'all have given of God's presence. Your posts will really touch them, just like they did me, and most of all, they will understand; as a result of their prayer for me, a large number of women have begun sharing their faith building experiences too, becoming a huge witness to anyone who would like to read it. Of course, I'll selectively leave out our our controversial stuff. Women, we're really scrappers sometimes. I think it's the estrogen deficit.

richmondnan · March 2005

Gee Rachel, I think if I posted all the ways God has shown himself to me through my bc journey it would be a book! So I've had a hard time deciding which story to share with you lovely people.

I think one of my favorites is one from chemo days, because it is so darn practical and shows how God numbers every hair on our heads (has anyone else thought about that while they watch the incredible number of hairs falling out after chemo?!LOL)

It was after my first chemo, which for reasons I won't go into here, had been fairly difficult (jerky doctor at the clinic, not such a great nurse first try, terrible veins, bad poke, etc. etc. etc.) Anyway, we got through that and they sent me home w/ meds to "take when I needed them". As you all know, much better to take them preventatively, so I ended up throwing up for two days. By the second night, believe it or not, I still wasn't discouraged but I was tired. I KNOW that the reason I wasn't discouraged was because of the huge no. of folks praying for me. Anyway, it was 1:30 am, I had once again gotten up from bed to be sick, and I prayed "Lord, I can do this, I know I can, with Your help. But I'm getting tired and I sure would love some suggestions about how to get past this puking". Well, I turned around to go back in my bedroom and there was my zofran bottle. I had been told to ONLY TAKE 2 a day. Well, God made it clear to me that I should take a third. So I did, didn't wait to call the dr., wake him up, wake my husband. I figured HE was the authority. And of course, that did the trick (along with the phenergan which I'd been using too).

Next am I called the oncology folks and told them I needed 3 per day for the first few days after chemo--which they agreed was just fine! Of course I wish they had told me that earlier, but then again, it was so very helpful to me to see God working to care for me in this "little" thing and so directly. Every time He cares for us this way it just reinforces our trust in Him, and it also, for me, jumpstarts my worship.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to remember to read these stories before church Sunday so we can be prepared to worship Him more fully and thank him more knowledgeably!

Rachel, I am so very glad that God has shown you His love and care for you as you returned to work. I remember, I think, that you were a bit concerned about the transition, but it sounds as though it has been a great blessing to you.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Nan

Janesko · March 2005

that God doesnt listen.

I have read the thread on Pepper's niece Marissa is closer to dying than not.
Why is God merciful to some but not others.
Why should a beautiful child be forced to endure such horrendous and hideous situation.
I'm not invalidating what you ladies have experienced. Im glad that you have been so uplifted and inspired and useful to others.
But when I read stories like Marissa, I think God seems pretty cruel and lacking in fairness and justice.

JMO

Anonymous · March 2005

Nan, EXACTLY, it's amid the tiny, insignificant things that blow my mind. I mean, for Him to guide us, help us etc. thru little stuff, means so much to me. I assumed that my smoking was MY problem, never even considered asking for relief from my nicotine addiction. It was like, ok Rachel, you know it's wrong, so stop it! Why are you so weak? And then giving it up to our Lord, I was able to stop, cold turkey, after smoking over 20 something odd years, no withdrawl symptoms. I even thought, oh, I'll sure disappoint these people who've prayed for me when I start back smoking. I kid you not! well, guess what I learned from that? My success in kicking my nicotine addiction was not dependent on MY desire to stop, or My belief in myself, it was never about ME in the first place. I loved your story. Just a little thing in the grand scheme of things, but not to the Lord. We are that precious to him, how awesome. It's only in the middle of darkness that I really appreciate His light.

Kathy_Verett · March 2005

JMO,

I believe the answer is that God is not the only force at work in our lives. He created us to have the ability to choose to love Him or not. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God's desire for them in the Garden of Eden, they introduced sin and evil into a perfect world. That dark influence is growing as more of us turn our backs on God and choose our own way, which is not really "our" way, but the way of fallen man. There is sickness, death, evil, and all sorts of sins that are rampant today. I believe we are witnessing what Jesus described in Matthew chapter 24. We are in the midst of a spiritual battle, and our bodies are not separated from our spirits. We suffer in our bodies the battle scars from the spiritual realm. Hebrews chapter 11 tells us of many people who had horrible deaths in this physical world, but gained eternal resurrection life. There is a song that I cannot remember the title of, but these words from it stick in my mind. "Sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms His child." Our life on this earth is a battleground and we are in a war that is unseen by the physical eye. There are hard things we will not understand until we meet God face to face. I have held my friend as her two-year-old son was taken off life support. I found a friend who had committed suicide. I watched my mother-in-law die a painful death from congestive heart failure - pain that was caused because her internal organs became swollen; her feet and legs did not swell. I believe that God loved all these people, but the suffering is the result of a fallen world.

God bless your day!
Kathy

Anonymous · March 2005

Jane, we understand exactly what you mean. And I appreciate your post, I can see how much you care about Marissa. This is one of the things lots of people struggle with. We probably won't know why things are so unfair or why one person will be healed and another not healed. I know in the Bible Jesus would sometimes call one from a crowd of many that were seeking healing, and heal that one. I don't know why, but at one time, I heard a Minister's theory on that, for the life of me, can't remember. It was just his theory anyways. Chemo brain rules once again. I think we have to try to believe God has a perfect plan, pray for the ability to trust Him in these matters and tell Him how hard it is to suffer thru this stuff. I finally learned to actually tell the Lord when things felt overwhelming, too hard to do, etc. after I got on A/C. It never made the side effects go away, but mentally, I was given relief. The way I have come to terms with this type question is God never caused my cancer, that was due to many factors, and our bodies aren't perfect, our choices in life aren't perfect, and He never promised me an easy life, He just promises me that I will never be forsaken, He is with me always, even to the end. It seems like the believers and the unbelivers all suffer the same illnesses, accidents etc in this life, but the difference that our spiritual life makes is how we cope. Not saying that Christians cope any better, but I think that we may have more peace with a unfavorable outcome. So, that's what I try to cling to. I hope I haven't offended you. I read your post and wanted to tell you that we understand and welcome what you have to say. You may not have the same opinion, but you say so in a very respectful way. I need to remember Marissa in prayer more and maybe I need to make a better effort to have her and the family on a prayer list at church, and in my class. Most of all, I'll pray for peace for them, that encompasses a huge number of things. God bless you Jane, and thank you for bringing this need to my attention.

NPat · March 2005

Rachel,

I also have gone back to work recently... three weeks. Was concerned about returning... would have to find a new job. The medical community knew about the breast cancer and + nodes... so much for HIPPA. Previous employer had made some negative remarks publicly about my productivity during chemo... Through this, however, I have learned a lesson... when you pray about something (a new job) and give it to God... you must leave it there!

My family doc called me to chat about a referral she made for me... I asked her to remember me when she was with physician associates in the event they were looking for a nurse practitioner. She replied, "No. I don't want to do that..... I would like you to work for me!" She went on to say that I was not to worry about physician appointments... just tell the receptionist when I needed time off or if I needed a "down day". Of course, I said I would like to work with her. She is one of the unique ones... interested in patient welfare rather than money.

God had put into place the job for me. I never would have inquired of her regarding an available position. The staff are a pleasure to work with and I have been in a position to encourage others who are going through difficult health related trials.

Former patients have already found my new practice location. Received a dozen roses from a dear couple. "So glad to have you back," the card read... I think I have been more blessed than anyone...

Rachel, I have a PDA filled with drug, derm, ortho, peds programs because my brain is slower. I know what drug I want but can't think if it is a XR or XL preparation... A quick look and I have the answer. I don't know if that will be of help to you in your job... but for me my "pocket brain" is a must have.

Yes, all of us have been changed... forever... but I am determined to use my experience as part of my testimony in how God is our healer and provider in all situations.

Blessings my friends,

Pat

Anonymous · March 2005

Pat, once again, God turned bad to good. What a crappy thing for your ex-employer to do! But, you know in the end, you were given a better job, better employer and it sounds like the two of you were meant for each other. How wonderful to have a MD who is more concened about patient welfare than money. And your patients are hunting you down!!!! Don't you just love it? God certainly is good, all the time. What a great post. You are always a kind soul, and I would do well to learn from you. Now, where do you buy brains that you can carry in your pocket??

mpwolfe · March 2005

What I'm about to write is very personal. I can't go into great detail because it is a very long story. All my life I was very close to my father. He passed away this passed July in the middle of my chemo. He had always been there for me unconditionally no matter what and I could always depend on him! I am the youngest of 4 children and my sister, the eldest always felt my father didn't love her like he did me and their was much resentment all thru our adult lives. She is 10 yrs older than me and had made it very difficult on me and my father especially.

To keep a long story short, the past few yrs my mother had been fighting with uterian cancer and then it came back after 8 yrs. My father had Parkinson's and this past year had CHF three times starting in 1/04 then again in 5/04 twice while I was going thru diagnosis and biopsy and mastectomy, and chemo. I was the one who always went with them to all their appts. because they needed another pair of ears. Also, my father was now on oxygen 24/7 and had to use a wheel chair to go anywhere. I had no problem going with them and was glad I could.

When hospice came to help out with my father, I was no longer in any shape to help them with much of anything (always tired or going to another treatment) My sister stepped in to help out at night and stay with my Dad just to help out my mother, not for him.

My father adored her but she could not see it no matter what. Before he passed away, she was now taking care of him for HIM. She read to him from the Bible and prayed with him everynight. She finally felt my father's love for her and finally developed the relationship with him that they both needed and I believe he definitely died in peace because of that.

I really feel that if I hadn't been diagnosed with BC I would have stood in the way of them ever reconciling because I was the one who was always there for him!

My sister and I are closer than we've ever been now. She tells me she finally knew the father I did and is so thankful for the two months she had with him. She tells me too that she is so sorry I had to pay the price for her, but I think it was a small price to pay for them to both have peace of mind and find each other's love.

If my dx was the factor that helped them to find each other, I don't think can complain.

Mary

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