I can't get my act together and I don't know why
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I've found the most effective way to get my husband to complete a long delayed project is to start doing it myself right at the start of a weekend that we don't have other plans. If he approves of the job I'm doing, I sometimes wind up finishing it, but at least it gets done. If there are portions that need an extra set of hands, he is usually willing to help with that, but if he thinks it is beyond my scope, he takes over.
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I am new to this thread, but have been reading (most) of the posts! I am so glad that I am not the only one who doesn't have a clean house and a DH who rarely finishes what he starts when it comes to repairs or projects around the house. He started painting the kitchen several years ago and it only got half done. I won;t even go into the rest.
gsg-I have a son living in Shanghi too. They have been there for 3 years and plan on being there for several more. His wife teaches math & science at a private school and he teaches English to the Chinese. They have just adopted a baby girl (15 mos. old) and plan to adopt another while there. They come home every year at Christmas, for which I am thankful for. They'll be back in the States Dec. 21. We call each other using Skype, so I get to see him and the baby via web cam.
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Wow, Gracie...I wonder if our sons are working for the same organization. That would be amazing if they know each other. Mine is teaching Business English to the Chinese. I recommended he stay in Shanghai for a while as their economy is better than ours right now. Not sure how long they'll stay, though. He also calls us using Skype, as well as Nonoh. I bought some telephone credits on Nonoh and that's how I call him using either our land line or cell phone. My husband has seen our son on webcam, but I haven't gotten to yet.
PatMom: My problem is I don't have it together to even fake like i'm going to finish a project...I'm better at complaining.
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Believe it or not, I actually did submit it to my insurance company and they paid to get it fixed - dh spent it on something else. I've also put charcoal briquettes in the cupboard to absorb the mold. I think it's just plain old mold, nothing more sinister. If it were more serious, someone would have gotten sick before now.
My niece's husband is also in the legion and they go to the same church we do, so I am going to talk to her and see how she would handle it. Her husband could arrange with either group to get this done with the least disruption to dh's pride and ego.
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And you are so right to consider his ego.
I made that mistake in the beginning era of our 25 years. We were visiting his brothers new house and they had shelves he's put up, really nicely fit in type. I wanted a shelf at the time over a patio door and window near it, to display items. (long story, but the room is the one with very tall ceilings...anyway..I said to his brother perhaps I'd have to hire to do the shelves, since dh couldn't seem to get it done! Oh, my the daggers I was shot! I didn't bring it up again, but he did on the way home that night. Needless to say, the shelves were never put up, but I never made that mistake comparing the brothers (there are 5 of them) Oh my!
Hope using all your minds together you can get something done that finishes the projects, but also saves face for him. Good Luck and let us know how it goes Jane!
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At last!! I finally understand why I'm single these days & am choosing to stay that way! I've always been mechanically inclined & good at fixing things, which is great for me & my house, but not good for the poor, fragile male egos of the men in my life. Whew, thought it was my mouthwash......
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DH is disabled, officially. He could easily have spent the hour or two to do HIS closet switch......taking out things like the now-one-size-too-small shirts (some never worn) and pants (good new is that the reason is he's been working with trainer and has built up upper body and his cute tush is back). Ties were easy: this {painful} summer, the summer ties never switched with fall & winter! He's also able to put away clean underwear & socks (not). He oh-so-neatly hangs stuff on the valet~~~until I hang it up......
On the other hand, he's absolutely horrified when I read him the sad letters from BC women with callous, uncaring husbands.
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Kak, I am also "single" - widowed --, and do not miss the nagging needed to get projects or simple repairs done. I solved most of the problems with that by selling the house and moving into an apartment. We had a leak once that required removing the curtain rod on the dining room window and it only took 3 years to get it put back up. My husband was a handy man and could do most anything, but he preferred to let things be, as he put it.. don't fix what wasn't broken, but when it was... well, let it be also...!!!!
Do NOT minimize the problems with mold -- some homes have been condemned for mold and it can be a serious problem. What you see is one thing, but behind the plaster and in the wooden joists, etc... If you see it, there is probably more where you do not see it, especially after a leak.
Happy Veteran's Day and God Bless our troops, retired, active duty and all those who serve or have served. I just put out my flags as the sun is now up.
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Thanks for the reminder, lefty. I need to get our flag hung!
My husband is a (humble) veteran of Vietnam and to this day never passes an American flag without saluting it. He never used to talk about his time spent in Vietnam, and later in life many of his close friends never knew he served. He is a Bronze Star recipient and I never even knew it until one day I went through his "Vietnam box" and found it. When I asked him what he had done to earn a Bronze Star, he said "nothing much." To this day, I don't know the story, and we've been married 30 years.
He had never visited the Vietnam War Memorial (too painful), until the 10-year anniversary of the "Wall" in D.C., he decided to finally go. He not only went, he marched in the parade with fellow veterans from the 101st Airborne. Their unit was the second-to-the-last division in the parade. I had taken my son out of school to go down and watch his dad in the parade and we walked alongside to keep up with his unit. What was very moving, and to this day gives me a lump in my throat, as his unit would approach, the former veterans and men currently in uniform who were watching the parade, would yell out "Airborne" and salute. It gave me chills. From that day forward, my son looked at his dad in a much different light. He had no idea he was the son of a hero.....and until that day neither had I.
God bless our veterans.
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gsg, I live in Virginia, a short drive to DC and the memorials, and Arlington Cemetery, where my husband's ashes are. My husband was no hero, just served in the Army during WWII at Los Alamos. He designed and made the lenses for the cameras that filmed bomb tests. My mom and dad met during WWII when they were both in the Navy - and I am the reason Mom had to leave the Navy. Yes, put 2 and 2 together, my husband was 23 years older than me - but we had 33 years together before he died in 2003. My sister is retired Navy, as is her husband.
You and your son have every reason to be proud of your husband. Many do not talk about their military time and do go around bragging about it either. Although my Dad did not make a career out of the Navy, his ashes were buried at sea, per his wishes. My Mom is 95 years old and in the Veteran's nursing home for the past 7 years or so. I am the proud daughter, sister, sister in law, niece, widow and friend of veterans.
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I am going to hang my flag now, as was my intention~~~until I forgot.
My daddy is 93 and also was awarded a Bronze Star in WWII, Pacific Theater. He remained active in the 'Reserves as a Lt. Colonel. I took him down to the WWII Memorial a couple of years ago, and he read every plaque, breaking down here and there. He told every one we met about his service (he has Alzh {sigh}), and they all thanked him. He posed~~~military style, and has talked about that visit ever since.
Distant grandfathers fought in the Civil War, on both sides, as well as in the American Revolution.
Have a lovely day, ladies. (I have just changed 4 lightbulbs, with more to go. They go down like dominoes!)
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Nancy: I'm very sorry you no longer have your husband. And I truly believe that anyone who serves this country in uniform is a hero. Military life is never easy, no matter where you serve. My brother was a weatherman in the Air Force during peacetime, but spent most of his service on remote islands away from civilization sending up weather balloons...one island in the Aleutians off the coast of Russia didn't even have a tree on it and we had no way to communicate with him except letters which took forever. So his life was never in danger, but there were still sacrifices. In the service, your life is not your own.
Daffodil, how wonderful your dad was able to visit the WWII Memorial and that he was able to talk about his service with the people. It had to make him (and you) proud. All the war memorials are so moving. My dad served during Korea and that one with all the soldiers brings tears to my eyes as well. The Vietnam nurse memorial does too. They all do. This country has given so much.
My grandfather's family on my dad's side immigrated to the U.S. from what was then Germany (now France) when he was a child. He went into the Army during World War I and was sent back to Germany to fight within 20 miles of where he was from. He learned when they returned to the U.S. from war that the people in his unit had been given orders to shoot him if he did anything suspicious. He was a loyal American though and lost a lung due to mustard gas during his time in Germany. We still have his gas mask that had a hole in it.
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Wow, the stories they didn't share huh? It's something I've done a bit of research on, b/c of the fx involvement in the wars over the century and there is so much to learn and try to understand.
Gsg, those monuments were absolutely humbling. I could have spent so much more time in DC then we had, but the most sorrowful thing was that my dad had died never seeing it, along with uncles who fought in it. My mother lost her brother on Iwo Jima and her other 4 brothers all fought in different theaters. Dad in the European in germany/france at the battle of the bulge. What horrific things happened at all fronts and behind them. America has been blessed that more wars/battles have not been fought on her soil.
Prayers for past, present and future men and women who defend their countries, regardless. We all believe, right or wrong in our own.
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Wish: I'm so sorry your dad didn't get to visit the memorial. Not enough is always done to recognize our veterans and so I think for them to visit "their" memorial, while very emotional, it demonstrates the gratefulness our country has for them and honors them in a way that words can't.
I may have posted this story on the board last year...can't remember. Around this time last year or maybe a little closer to Christmas, my son, in his travels, had made his way to Vietnam and called his father from Ho Chi Minh City. Our son had made friends with a young man his age who was showing him and his traveling companions around the city, took them to war museums as well as fun stuff like nightclubs, etc. It turns out his new friend's dad had fought in the war at the same time my husband was there, but he fought for the North Vietnamese. We marveled at how a generation later, their sons would become friends...and we were thankful for it.
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That says more than all the propanda. That they could share their historys & stories of their fathers and become friends, most certainly! Amazing and I think that's what our fathers would have wanted.
My father was shot in a tiny town called Ninning, by a sniper in Feb of 1945. So by the time the war ended, he was back in the states at a hospital. Missed his heart by an inch, or my entire family would have had a very different makeup, so for that I was thankful the snipers aim was off just a tad!
It was interesting the stories he told, and I think that's what got me interested in later life. He's been gone 20 years this dec 31st. HATE CANCER....it took him away from us at 64, much to young....6 weeks after retirement. Of course, the only reason he retired early, was b/c if he'd died in office, mom would have had less to live on, so he chose to retire instead. Just nutty after so many years, that a decision like has to be one of you last 
HATE CANCER! IT SUX THE BIGGUN! -
So many close calls in war. Thank god your dad made it back! My husband said one of his scariest moments in Vietnam came when he was in a fox hole at night in the jungle and a Bengal tiger peered over the edge. My husband was ordered not to shoot as it would give away their position. Thankfully the tiger sniffed and moved on.
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Oh my! I'd have had a wet fox hole after that! amazing so many lived to tell the stories, as I'd have probably died of fright when witnessing what some of them did.
Dad used to tell of men taking off their boots in the morning to change socks (the stories are true about patton and the socks issues). With trench foot many of them would lose their toes to that or frozen toes. TMI, but they would pull of a sock and the toe(s) would roll out unattached. Just mind-boggling, they didn't all run for home and mom!
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Here's some Vietnam pics I just copied from my son's Facebook page. Beautiful country.
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Seems so weird, that other than the housing, their sunsets are similar to ours!
Reminds me of home on lake michigan! Very serene. He's got a love of photography like him mother hey? -
He does love photography. I'll look for some of his other pictures of the cities in Vietnam later...much more modern. These were obviously taken in the country. The most significant thing he has learned in his travels around the world is how much we are all the same. People are people and so far very warm and friendly....some even opening their homes to two young guys, hopelessly lost and out of gas in the middle of the night in the middle of a jungle. He has so many heartwarming stories from each country he's visited over the past year and a half.
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Wow, gsg, amazing photos! It's such a heart-breaker that the men of our generation still can't talk about Viet Nam. I have so many friends like your husband, who have had such a hard time coming to terms with all the contradictions of their service, who saw & did things that will sear their hearts forever. Your husband's unit, BTW, is one of the best-known & most lauded military units. The 101st has a long & proud history throughout the 20th & 21st centuries.
I still have my dad's WWII dogtags!!
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KAK! You sound like me! ROFL I thought I was the only one who cared to keep her daddy's tags! It was the first thing I grabbed of memorablia off granny's table when us 5 little girls were picking through her treasures. I was the middle of 5 cousins age wise at 4 or 5 and wanted those so bad! I can remember silently being glad with the other 2 chose stupid jewelry before my chance!
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Wish, I also have my dad's discharge papers & this great charicature he had drawn when he was a sargent that's just wonderful. Don't have his uniform, tho'. Do have some photos of him & his buds in Hawaii, I think, probably near Pearl Harbor.
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KAK: War memorabilia is fascinating...especially when it belongs to someone you love. Priceless. Love hearing the stories of how the country came together during World War II. My MIL was a "Rosie the Riveter," actually riveted airplanes.
Embarrasingly, I honestly hadn't been *that* aware of what it meant to be in the 101st until that Veterans Day in Washington when he was marching down Constitution Avenue. I do now.
I get mad at him, but still respect him enormously for what he volunteered for back in the '60s.
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Must be a lot of the guys drew to pass time while overseas, we have some etchings from dad also. Most are from his days in the hospital during rehab I think though. Little rugs and things they had them make to rehab their arms/hands. He never did get full use of that left arm/hand/fingers, but most people never knew it who met him. They had shorten his wrist 1/2 inch in order to reattach everything. It's weird the things they did back then to patch those guys back together or not....removing pieces and parts, that today would not be.
And yes, the discharge papers, and so on. Theres a chest of his with his memorablia including a hand grenade and the hats, pieces and parts of his uniform and medals and all the ribbons from the battles and theatre. Very intersting to learn about it all. His uniform is still here also. Wool. Imagine wearing those things in the summer? UGH. I suppose it was a lighter version, but I thin kit was still wool, wasn't it? I can't remember now.
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I'm pretty sure it was wool, Wish. My grandfather's helmet from World War I was soooo heavy. I'm surprised they didn't all come home with neck problems.
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Talk about getting one's act together ... I made several herceptin appointments - every 3 weeks, then realized I was off one week and had to reschedule them. The receptionist must think I have totally lost my mind, but she was able to do it for me.
My Dad was on the Battleship Alabama, which was the first shipped commissioned during wwII with the latest state of the art radar and such for that time period. Last year my sis, bro and I went to the Alabama memorial in Mobile and took a copy of the original Commissioning Dinner menu. We toured the boat and saw Dad's name as one of the original crew. There is no marker or grave for him, as his ashes were buried at sea. Seeing his name was what we needed and made us very proud. I also have his dog tags.
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