taking care of my grandmother is not easy. any advice?

ailindria · November 2008

my 82-yr old grandmother was dx three weeks ago, and had a L mastectomy a week ago today. she is a very headstrong, independent woman, but i have put my life on hold to come back and take care of her and my grandfather. she has said she needs me here, but i believe she's beginning to resent my assistance. i know i haven't been here long, but i do believe i'm going insane. (i've lived with them at different periods of my life already). she's very set in her ways, and i've been trying to help, but i feel like i can't do anything right. she is getting so frustrated. she hasa very particular personality, and is determined to do things that she shouldn't be doing (lifting, bending down to pick little stuff up, using her L arm).

i live in their apartment, so i can't 'get away' often. plus, on top of that, my fiance is in arkansas, while i'm in ontario. does anyone have any advice on how i can keep my sanity?

Anonymous · November 2008

At a week post surgery, your grandmother still needs help with some things, but many other things she can do for herself, and she should. Remember it's not your assistance that she resents, it is the fact that she needs anyone's assistance.

When does she see the surgeon for a followup visit? If you can get the surgeon to be specific about what activities are OK now, and which things she can add a week from now and a month from now, she may be more willing to listen to and follow the directions coming from a doctor than from you. You can then "remind" her of what the doctor said when she tries to do too much.

It is a very delicate balance when someone young is now in the position of taking care of someone who used to be the caretaker. You must be a very loving granddaughter to put your life on hold to help them.

taking care of my grandmother is not easy. any advice?

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