Finally...a place I belong....

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SheRee
SheRee Member Posts: 22
edited June 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer

I'm 31 years old, have three children, ages 14, 10 and 6, a wonderful husband, the greatest friends on earth, no family history of breast cancer... and yet against the odds, I'm fighting the battle...

I found the lump myself (while sweeping bread crumbs out of my bra!) in mid-June.  It felt almost like a walnut.  The next day I looked up breast lumps on the internet, and must admit that I felt relieved that most likely, it was nothing.  I called my doctor, who saw me the next day, and she said she was pretty sure it was nothing, but didn't want to take any chances.  I had a mammogram and ultrasound done a few days later, and that's when the tiny voice started telling me that it was cancer.  Of course the ultrasound led to a core biopsy, which ultimately led to my diagnosis on July 7.  I kept telling myself that it was nothing... but that little voice never went away, and I guess that somewhere deep down, we always know.

I feel completely and totally confident in my surgeon, and he suggested a partial mastectomy (lumpectomy) with radiation as opposed to a mastectomy.  On July 15 I had the lumpectomy and a sentinal node dissection.  Everyone (friends, family, coworkers) kept telling me that it was good that I caught it early, and of course they all know someone who only had to have a lumpectomy with radiation, so in their opinion chances of me needing chemo were very low... except again, I just "knew" that chemo was in my immediate future.  Surgery findings indicated that there were microscopic traces of cancer in my sentinal node, but the margins of the lump were clear, and the cancer measured 2.5cm... Stage IIB.  I had just gotten my annual exam a couple of months earlier (seriously, at the end of April!).  How much bigger would it have been in a month... for the first time ever, I was grateful to be absolutely addicted to carbs...if I hadn't been eating that sandwich and dropped crumbs down my shirt...wow... scary thought.

Trying to be optimistic, I tried thinking "well, at least I'll lose a few pounds!"  I know that's awful, but really, I was trying to hard to deal with it with humor.  Unfortunately, my oncologist informed me that most people gain weight while  undergoing chemo and promptly busted my bubble on that one!!  So, great... now I get to lose my hair AND get fatter!  One of my best friends assured me that it would be okay... that they would all just call me Buddha!  I couldn't help but laugh.  I can so imagine people stopping by to visit, and rubbing my big 'ole tummy and bald head for luck!

I had a port put in, and started my chemo on August 7.  The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I had feared, but after getting the Neulasta shot I had a severe headache that lasted for over a week.  The narcotics they prescribed for the headache caused nausea and vomiting... and basically it was a MISERABLE week.  There are days that I can't remember, like everything's all fuzzy, or I was outside my body or something.

I've since had one more chemo treatment, and this time I was only down for about three days.  However, everytime I THINK about getting it again, I get this horrible taste in my mouth.

This past Sunday, my hair started falling out in huge chunks... so, I let my kids go at my head with the scissors, then my husband shaved it all off.  I thought I was prepared for the hair loss thing... but turns out I wasn't.  I felt physically sick at my stomach when I'd touch my hair and these huge chunks just FELL OUT!  I'm not liking the whole bald thing, and my middle child is taking it pretty hard.  I'll save that for another time.

I'm sorry to be so long winded.  I was so excited to finally find a place where people can really understand what I'm going through, and just wanted to share my story.  I truly look forward to getting to know each of you as we take this journey... and my prayers will be with you all.

She-Ree

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  • lisa39
    lisa39 Member Posts: 255
    edited August 2008

    Hey She-Ree,

    You're right this site is really helpful.  You are going through what I went through back in November.  I found my lump when I was 38 and I have 2 young kids ages 6 and 8.  I was also told I'd probably just need a lumpectomy and some radiation because my lump was small and hadn't gone into the lymph nodes.  Well, it turned out to be a very aggressive tumor that was HER 2 - so 8 rounds of chemo, 21 blasts of radiation and a year of Herceptin was the recommended treatment.  I finished chemo on July 10th and just have 3 more rads to go!  I lost my hair 16 days after the first chemo session.  It was so traumatic, but the horror is starting to fade.  It's also growing back, but I'm still wearing my wig till it gets a bit longer.  I found that I felt lousy a few days after each chemo treatment, but that the yucky taste in the mouth and vague nausea would lift after a few days.  What turned out to be much harder for me was the secondary infections I picked up.  My kids brought home colds which I caught and I'd be sick for 10 days!  I also got pinkeye and shingles - which were real painful.  I'd warn you to wash your hands a lot and try to avoid things like blowing your kids' noses if you can.  Good luck with your treatment.  I'm sure you'll be just fine.  Will you be getting tamoxifen after your chemo?

    Lisa 

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  • smokymama
    smokymama Member Posts: 31
    edited August 2008

    Dear SheRee,

    I have to let you know that your story really touched me.  I am 36 and have 2 son's (10 & 12) and a diabetic husband. I do everything for them.  I was just told today that I have to have 3 core biopsies (1 on the right, 2 on the left).  I feel like you did.  It's like I already know what they are going to say.  Had that little voice for a while as well. 

    My husband thinks I am crazy, but I think he knows it, too.  He just doesn't want to admit it.  His mother passed away when he was only 6 from uterine cancer that met. to the brain.  How do you get through the waiting and the emotions. 

    What is really weird is I didn't think anything was wrong with my left breast.  Only felt hard lumps in right.  The right is mostly full of cysts with one unusual area, but the left has 3 solid masses, one of which is highly suspicious.

    Keep posting.  I would really like to hear how you are doing. 

    Take care and best wishes,

    Missy

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  • SheRee
    SheRee Member Posts: 22
    edited August 2008

    Missy -

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Hopefully you're little voice is wrong... this time, anyway.  When are you scheduled for the biopsies?

    I probably didn't handle the whole process so well.  I only told my husband that I found a lump, and then once I knew they were doing a biopsy I told my boss, because I would be out of the office for several hours.  Although I had that annoying little voice, I continued to deny it, and didn't tell any of my friends or family.  On one hand I didn't want anyone to worry... but on the other hand, I didn't want anyone to think I'm a hypochondriac!  I mean, women find lumps all the time, right?!?  So, I kept it all to myself.  Probably not the best thing.  I read everything I could online, preparing myself "just in case", and pretended to myself, my husband and my boss that I wasn't worried. 

    Luckily, one of my best friends called me on two separate occassions while I was at the doctor's office, and eventually insisted on knowing why I had appointments.  I felt foolish telling her, but in the end I was glad I did.  She showed up at my house the day of the biopsy and insisted on taking me (my husband works out of town alot), and on the day I went for the results, she showed up at the doctor's office, even though I told her it was a waste of her lunch hour!  That morning, I was super-sensitive... cried about nothing I could pinpoint. Looking back, I know that it was the anxiety of finding out. 

    Seriously, as I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor, I was saying (softly, but out loud), "it's not cancer; it's not cancer; I don't have cancer" like I was trying to convince the universe to change it's mind... but the little voice was going, "come on now... you KNOW it is; you have cancer; you'll fight it; yes, you have cancer, but you'll fight it." 

    My doctor / surgeon was incredibly sensitive, and handled the whole thing in such a compassionate manner.  I didn't really break down until I saw my friend in the waiting room. I felt foolish breaking down in front of strangers, but don't know how I would've managed had my friend not been there to hug and comfort me.

    Please be assured that even if it IS cancer, you WILL be okay.  You, too will fight it.  And you are NOT alone.  One of the scariest parts to me was that everyone I heard of with bc was over 40, in which statistically the chances of getting it dramatically increase.  I was the ONLY person I knew who got it in my thirties, and with no family history!  But you found this website earlier than I did, so you know that there are alot of us out here... to support, understand, vent to, and just to be there.  I know it's hard.  I know it's emotional.  Although I'm still new to this, I promise to be here, and I'm praying for you.

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  • BethNY
    BethNY Member Posts: 2,710
    edited August 2008

    You should also check out www.youngsurvival.org the ENTIRE organization is dedicated to women under 40 with breast cancer.

    When I was diagnosed 4 years ago at age 26, I felt just like you.  I never thought about breast cancer, or heard of anyone my age getting it.  Thank G-d I found the YSC when I did.  I was surrounded by thousands of girls my age, and I just felt like I fit in.

    It's a bumpy ride at first, but you will eventually get to the other side, and reclaim your life after breast cancer.

    Wishing you guys smooth sailing.

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  • smokymama
    smokymama Member Posts: 31
    edited August 2008

    Hey SheRee,

    Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I cant help but get a little emotional each time I read your postings.  Our stories sound so familiar.  My husband also works out of town most of the time.  I am kind of glad about it though.  I think the distance sometimes keeps him busy enough to not think about it all the time.  He has had such a tough life, having lost his mother to cancer at such a young age.  My best friend also is taking me for my biopsy on Tuesday.  She has already become my drill seargent. Ha Ha!  I thank God for her.

    My doctor called me today.  She was just checking in on me.  She wanted to make sure that any decisions that I made yesterday were still okay today.  I guess she thought that I might feel that I have made rush decisions, and wanted to give me options.  She is really wonderful.  When I asked her what she would do, she agreed with what I had decided.  She also gave me the rundown on the specifics of the U/S.  Basically, Right side is complex mass (cystic, solid, and hemorrhagic). Left side has 3 small solid masses, one of which shows some but not all characteristics of breast cancer.  She said this is good, but be prepared just in case.  This is why the biopsy is needed.  She also went over some other issues that were discovered (right ovary, thickened endometrium, and abnormal bloodwork).  She said we would deal with these issues later, and to focus on the breasts for now.  Guess we are tackling one hurdle at a time.  Works for me.

    Once again, I want you to know how much I appreciate your story.  Your story gives me inspiration.  I know that you are going to get through all of this.  I agree with the little voice because mine tells me the same thing.  WE WILL FIGHT THIS AND WE WILL WIN.

    Take care and talk with you again soon.

    Missy

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  • DianaT
    DianaT Member Posts: 532
    edited September 2008

    Unfortunately there are a few of us on here that are young ladies.  I have 4 kids (12, 7, almost 4 and almost 2).  I was 30 at diagnosis and just finished chemo in May, radiation in July and now I am working on getting new breasts. 

    Good luck to you and God bless 

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  • SheRee
    SheRee Member Posts: 22
    edited September 2008

    Missy - Have you had your biopsies yet?

    Diana - Good luck on the new breasts!

    I'm off to chemo #3 here shortly... and just wanted to check in and let you know I was thinking about ya!  Have a wonderful day...

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  • smokymama
    smokymama Member Posts: 31
    edited September 2008

    Hey SheRee,

    I got my results.  So far B9, but I am being referred to a breast specialist.  The nodule on my right breast turned out not to be a complex cyst, but a rock hard solid mass.  After discussing everything with my NP, I have decided to go ahead and see a specialist instead of waiting to have all of this done again in three months.  Biopsy revealed minute microcalcs in ducts of this mass.  I am afraid that if i wait 3 months, then this may become something worse.  Maybe I am overreacting, but I am grateful for the results and don't want to risk it.

    I really hope you are doing well with chemo.  I will be thinking about you and wishing you well.

    Diana --- your children are beautiful!!!!!!!!  Best of luck with the new breasts.

    Remember girls---------

    Take care of you!!!!!!!!!!!

    Missy

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  • LuLu
    LuLu Member Posts: 38
    edited September 2008

    I consider myself too young also. Ironically, before my diagnosis I was feeling so old ... now 34 seems so young.

    And yes, I also just knew I'd be diagnosed with cancer one day. You can see I joined this board long before my diagnosis.

    I have a great prognosis, but it's a rough ride ... I'm young ... I want to have a great sex life with my husband, take care of my kids, succeed at my career and not lose my mind. (Oh, and I want a great rack--is that so much to ask?)

    SheeRe, I hope you are done with chemo soon. You can do it! Right before my last (fourth) round, I was blessed to meet a 12 year old girl who had just finished treatment for brain cancer. She had endured several years of surgeries and chemo. In fact, she'd just been given a clean bill of health and her hair was just growing back when I met her. She was amazing.

    I told myself ... if she can do this, I can do this. And thinking about her courage got me through my last round.

    I should put her picture on my wall for whenever I need that extra strength! 

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  • LuLu
    LuLu Member Posts: 38
    edited September 2008

    PS--I hope your kids are doing better with your hair loss. I have a 6-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son. My daughter was really traumatized at first by my shaved head. Now ... a few months in, she's fine with it. I still wear a hat or wig in public, but at home they are fine with it now. My daughter even rubs my head while we watch TV.Smile 

    I'm sure yours will adjust too, I hope soon. Do you have books on it for them? I have several. "The Year My Mom Was Bald" and "Our Mom Has Cancer" (the best one for my kids) and then another one ... something about a "Cancertankerous" mommy--not as good as the others. Your younger ones might like those. They are all on Amazon. 

    Another great resource ... I may have to look up the name of it. I think it's called Parenting an Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent Is Sick. I'll look it up for sure though. My SIL is a counselor and found all of these for me. This last one was really reassuring to my husband and I. We started reading it several weeks into my diagnosis. Turned out, we were already doing things right for once. LOL

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  • lovinmomma
    lovinmomma Member Posts: 1,879
    edited November 2008

    Prayers for all of you.  I am 41, but still feel to young for all of this.  When I go into chemo...then I really feel young.  My  kids love the book..Our mom has Cancer.  they read it over and ver and love the drawings.

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  • mal1
    mal1 Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2008

    I hope your news is not as you fear. I too found my two lumps and "knew' what the result would be.  I unfortunatly was right. I decided on mastectomy and have to say it was not as bad as I feared. I am currently getting expansions in my breast to make it the size of the other and will start chemo in november. If you do test positive make sure you LOVE your plastic surgeon as you will see them more then your breast surgeon. Mine is a rock star and  a wealth of information.

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  • mal1
    mal1 Member Posts: 5
    edited November 2008

    new to this thanks for the books. My little one's are 3 and 5 and love to read so I think it will help

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  • BethNY
    BethNY Member Posts: 2,710
    edited November 2008

    GREAT BOOK-- for free

    Mom and the polka dot boo boo

    call 1800 acs 2345... great for young kids.

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  • MilkdudsMa
    MilkdudsMa Member Posts: 1
    edited December 2008

    Wow, I felt like I was looking into a mirror when I read the first half of your post (minus the kids, our family ideals are on a late start!) I found my lump almost the same way( mine was showering one day!) I never did self exams( at least not correctly Im sure, I tried but of course I had no idea what i was looking for.) I can relate to everything you said.  I too am so happy there are places like this I can go for support and education. I will begin my chemotherapy early next week (jan) and am anticipating alot of emotions and feelings.  I have never had to deal withthese fellings personally or with anyone close to me. I am considered a strong person by my peers, family and friends. I do however feel that sometimes I am putting on a strong front for them so as not to let down my image. I feel that this website is a huge help for me to escape being their superwoman and just letting it all out. Thanks for listening....and thanks for telling your story.

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  • mamakaren
    mamakaren Member Posts: 225
    edited December 2008

    Hi everyone, I also was diagnosed on Jan 22nd. I found a tiny bump about the size of a orange seed. I told my doc and she said that it was nothing, I went back about 8months later and told her again then she sent me for a mammogram then that's when my whole world came crashing in. Never did i ever believe i would have cancer. I completed chemo 6months, 6 weeks of rads (finished 2 weeks ago) Currently on Herceptin tomorrow will be my 9th Herceptin. (need 10 months to go)   I was 34 years old and have 4 beautiful kids 19,13,9,6 and also a beautiful grandson that is turning 3 months Jan 9th. Oh how could i forget my husband. Even though this has been a hard time for my family and i appreciate my husband for putting up with me and my emotions. My husband and i were so happy and very outgoing before all this crap. We still try to have the same life and have fun but i'm just not into it. Either i don't feel good physically or most the time emotionally i don't feel good due to my appearance. I know that all this is temporary and i will fight to get my family back to they way things were or at least as close to things used to. I'm so glad that we are all about the same age. Thanks for reading my story.

    Lots Of Love,  Karen

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  • SheRee
    SheRee Member Posts: 22
    edited January 2009

    I am so sorry that it's taken me forever to respond to your posts.  My children all just celebrated their birthdays, and with Christmas and my daily radiation, I just haven't found the time to even log on.

    I'm sorry that you've had to join the fight, MilkdudsMa, and I know how tough it is.  But this website made a huge difference in my world, reminding me that I can get through treatment, that I'm not all alone, even on days when I wasn't sure.  I didn't post much, but through reading everyone else's posts, I felt that I knew them, and that we were in this together. 

    Whenever you need to, lean on us.  Remember that you are strong, even when you don't feel like it.  And just in case you ever need reminding of that, that's what we're here for.

    ((Hugs))

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  • smokymama
    smokymama Member Posts: 31
    edited January 2009

    Hey SheRee

    I also have been absent for a while.  I guess that I have been putting everything on the back burner.  When I went to the specialist in Sept. 08, she said that she confirmed the original diagnosis.  However, the tests did revealed many more solid masses.  It was her opinion that I wait and see for 6 months, then do a follow-up to repeat all of the tests.  I got the reminder to schedule my appointment this week.

    After my appointment in Sept., I got a call from my old boss.  I accepted a position with a promotion to branch manager.  I have been noticing that the area around the rock hard mass has been enlarging and becoming more and more palpable.  I am so scared to go back and have these tests repeated.  I am completely covered up with work, and do not know how to explain this to my boss.  I am so afraid if I have to take off any time at all from work, that I will not have a job anymore.  I know, I am being stupid.  What good is a job if I am not here to go to it?  I just don't want to put my family through any more pain and worry.  The second income has really helped with the economy in the state it is in.  But, I know that the way this mass is enlarging, they are going to want to excise it.  To be honest, I want it gone.  I have heard so many horror stories about how large core biopsies can make cancer spread.  Since it was done, it has gone from being able to feel it with deep pressure, to touching the surface and knowing something is there.  From the size of half a small lemon, to at least half a grapefruit.  Have any of you had a negative large core biopsy come back positive on follow-up?

    Thanks to all of you for being so brave!!!!!!!!!!!

    Missy

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