Can't get mom to get a mammogram

Oh Erin, I just spoke to a group of 8th graders today as part of BC awareness month. One of the things I stressed was their parts in helping their mothers: MAKING them get their GYN exams and mammograms, as well as being there for them, or for their aunts or grandmothers or their friends' mothers~~~~support is the name of the game for women  lowering their risk as well as battling breast cancer.

Your mother should have been going to GYN yearly and screening at least since she was 40, earlier since her sister had it~~don't stress that, but that YOU need her to be there for you.

Obviously she is frightened, but tell her she must do this and you will go with her!! I imagine others will come along and help you further~~~~blessings for caring!

Erin, this is very hard. We want our family members to take care of themselves.  If they don't want to do it, though, there's really not much you can do. ((((hugs))))

Not BC, but my MIL had a medical condition appear about 4 years ago. She saw a doctor once, and then not again. FIL tried, SIL tried, my husband tried. No go. It was to the point where she didn't sleep for maybe an hour at a time, moaned all night, wouldn't leave the house. Somehow in September she decided that she'd had enough and arranged to see a surgeon - she finally had it taken care of three weeks ago and everything looks good. She was in denial the whole time. The first doctor she saw led her to believe that nothing could really be done, and she decided that fine, she'd live with it. Had this thing burst, she'd be dead due to infection. TG she finally saw the light. The family arguments over this were unreal, but talking to her about it did nothing but make her angry and more stubborn. She had to come to the decision herself.

The thing is, that you can try, and she probably knows she should go, but fear, denial, something is keeping her from it. All I can say is love her, tell her you love her, talk to her about her sister, but ultimately, it is her decision. Don't nag, be there for her, be gentle. You're a great daughter and she's a lucky mom to have you.

take care.

Yes, it can be so tough to deal with people who choose 'not healthy'.  I stopped recommending things for my sister ( when she asked for my advice) when I detected her pattern of doing 180 degrees opposite from what I said.   Since she took my advice as 'tainted', I didn't want her to automatically exclude what I said.  She really is quite nutty.

I was surprised to hear my sister was quite jealous of me.  Well, its true that I can't think of hardly one lifestyle decision that my sister and I have in common. She has never taken good care of herself and now has some extremely serious medical conditions (probably very advanced cancer, not breast.)

I only tell you this about my sister to show you can't change other people.  You can only change yourself.  

She may not be able to hear your advice if you don't have a trusting relationship. She may be viewing anything you say as a power struggle.

It doesn't sound like you have a mutually VERY trusting relationship, which I think is pretty common.  It may put her health at risk for delays. 

I guess the best I could advise would be to try to give her the carrot rather than the stick.  Something on the order of  'Won't you feel so relieved when it is all over that you have taken care of yourself? " or "Won't you feel good when you know you have done everything you can to make sure you are healthy?"

When someone else is trying to convince me to do something I don't want to do, if I don't have a trusting relationship with them, its already 1 strike against them.  If they are threatening me, then I tend not to listen.