80 y.o. mom w/dementia - help/advice please

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maggie101
maggie101 Member Posts: 14
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

my mom is 80, has the beginnings of dementia and was just diagnosed with bc again - the first time 6 yrs ago she did great - lumpectomy, chemo, radiation....the works. she has aged a great deal the past 6 yrs. and is not the same person. tomorrow an MRI is scheduled and she is sooooo scared - she's crying, she's afraid to "go in the tube" she hates the noise, doesn't want to be strapped down, and says she feels like she's a guinea pig because the dr. ordered all these tests.

it kills me to see her so upset. as I am the one (her 43 y.o. daughter) dealing w/ the dr and making all the appts, advising her and repeating everything the dr says (she's hard of hearing) I almost feel like I'm putting her through things she just doesn't want to go thru. The dr. wants the MRI to get the best info possible b4 a scheduled mastectomy 11/14. moms bc is idc 6cm (I know its big - how could get so big when she has mammos every 6 months?). the node needle biopsy came back neg. but...did they biopsy the right node?

yes, we have some valium to take before the procedure, and she'll take it, but I had her take one today and she was still wound pretty tight. Today I call the radiology dept. to ask some ???s and they told me the dr. could request IV sedation for the MRI - so why wasn't it offered to me instead of valium? Do I make my mom go thru this, or do I cancel and try to get the MRI w/ sedation?

the dr. wants a PET scan too, but I've read that b/c its still fairly new sometimes it's not as definitive - and that would mean "the tube" again, which I just don't think I want my mom to have to do again. Is an MRI better than a PET scan?

I guess I'm a little manic today and just need to be talked off the ledge....I just want to do what's right.......

thanks, maggie

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  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited October 2008

    If your mom needs that IV sedation to get the MRI done, then have them do it.  But IF it were me.  My mom is 81 next month, although in good health, I would have the MRI done and fore go the PET unless something shows up in the mast/axillary clearance that warrants it.  I mean, geepers, she's got enough to deal with.  It takes a lot of us that are healthy to go through all this, let alone someone with the beginnings of dementia. IF it turns out you feel the PET is a good thing later, then deal with that then.  But for now, why not do the MRI and go on to the next step instead of planning so much for her at one time.

    Good Luck and prayers for you both through this. I can't imagine going through it with my mother. (  So sorry you have to do it.

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  • maggie101
    maggie101 Member Posts: 14
    edited October 2008

    thanks wishiwere. I'm more calm today - after having finally cried last night (it's been a month since dx and I've been on autopilot) she's going to try the mri today, I thold her if she gets in there and just can't go thru w/ it we'll stop. Fri. she has a ct scan & bone scan as well as pre-op testing scheduled - I asked they all be on the same day b/c we're an hour from the hospital & didn't want to keep dragging mom back and forth....I worry that I'm putting her thru too much - but to get it over w/ in one day is better b/c she won't have time in between each to stress. I'm putting the pet scan on the back burner - will talk to the dr. and discuss if she really needs it or if all the other tests are enough. I guess she wants to see if it has spread, b/c if it has, then why put her thru the trauma of a mastectomy..... how is your mom doing? when was her 1st primary? what treatment did she do?

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  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited October 2008

    Oh Maggie, my mother has never had BC, thank heavens.  Only my aunt and great aunt and possible my grandmother, although we'll never know.  She died of an unknown primary and by the time she was dx, it had spread to her entire insides. :(

    It's good to get them all done in one day.  Remember to make a day of it for you 2 with a nice lunch or dinner and try not to focus on the test only.  This is ONLY one part of it all and I'm keeping good thougths and prayers it's early and very treatable.  Prayers.

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