I feel strange!!

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butterflycld
butterflycld Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Growing up my mom was more like my best friend than my mom. Don't get me wrong, she was there for all the mom things. But it was more, we have a very close bond. I just found out Saturday night that she has breast cancer. It is in her right breast and under her right arm. She goes in for her biopsy Tomorrow (Tuesday). I cried a little at the news, but I have not reacted at all the way I thought I would or the way I feel I should.

I feel guilty for not losing it and balling my eyes out. I feel as though if I am not completely at a loss then I am heartless or uncaring. Why am I not balling my eyes out. Everyone keeps telling me that it is because of my strong faith in God and that I know she will be ok. I think that is part of it. I don't know if I am just still in shock or denial and numb to the pain. Is this normal?

My mom is my best friend and I would not be able to stand living without her and here I am not crying?! Even my soon to be sister in-law cried. Does anyone have any input or help?

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  • maggie101
    maggie101 Member Posts: 14
    edited October 2008

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom - you could still be just numb and in disbelief, or shocked by the news. or you could be in defense mode and think - what do I have to do to take care of this. the tears will come eventually, but don't feel guilty that you haven't cried. everyone reacts to things differently. go easy on yourself - giving yourself a guilt trip will not help. you need to be strong for yourself and for her. just be there for your mom, let her know that you love her and will help her get through this. that alone speaks volumes. keep logging in here - you can find help and inspiration on this site! my best wishes for you and your mom. maggie

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  • mybeautifulsister
    mybeautifulsister Member Posts: 142
    edited October 2008

    hi Butterfly,

    There is no right or wrong in this! When my sister was dx in feb. ( we are as close as sisters can be) I didn`t hysterically cry either when we got the results, I was a wreck waiting for the results with her, but for some reason when we were told the news, this sense of strength for her seemed to push all that aside, I didn`t want to loose it in front of her,a few days later when all sank in the floods came and couldn`t stop them, 8 months later they still come.Most important is that you are there for her, listen to her, cry with her and laugh with her every chance you can. This isn`t just her cancer, it becomes the families cancer, at least it is in my family, and just when you think you couldn`t be any closer watch what happens, the most incredible bond develops to a whole new level. Take care butterfly and your mom, keep posting  Deb

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  • nadinepouw
    nadinepouw Member Posts: 18
    edited October 2008

    dear butterfly,

    everyone just reacts differently, so don't beat yourself up about it. i also didn't cry a lot when my mum was diagnosed almost 2 months ago. I've had some rough moments but I don't cry a lot. apparently that is my way of dealing with it. your mind/body react in such a way that is manageable for you, so if you're not ready yet to feel all emotions the body protects itself. also, I think that when the news is so recent you are more in shock and bewildered than sad still. I just felt really overwhelmed instead of sad, and now I feel really scared instead of sad. 

    I wish you and your mum and loved ones all the strenght for the coming period.

    Nadine

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  • hpisles
    hpisles Member Posts: 15
    edited October 2008

    I'm sorry to hear about your Mom but I agree with the others - don't beat yourself up about this.  Everyone does react differently.  I am the type of person where your crying and screaming on the inside but it doesn't come out physically.  When my sister past away from breast cancer, I couldn't cry, when I just recently took my 82 year old mother through breast cancer (had right breast removed and now on preventive meds) I didn't cry.  When I was diagnoised with breast cancer I didn't cry but when my genetic testing came back negative I broke down.

    I use to think that something was wrong that I didn't easily shed tears but each person is different and handles things differently, so give yourself a big mental hug and know that your reactions what ever they  may be are ok.

    You have our support and thoughts - hang in there. 

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  • butterflycld
    butterflycld Member Posts: 3
    edited October 2008

    I just want to thank everyone for the support and kind words. They mean a lot to me, especially in this new world I am living in.

    My mom had her biopsy. I didn't realize what a relief it would be just to have that over. We are suppose to get the results today. I kind of feel as though it may hit me then. My prayer group helped last night and prayed for my mom and gave me some support. I just worry because I looked up the stages and from what we know so far, it doesn't sound good. But I am not the doctor and I believe God will take care of her.

    Thank you all again and I will keep all of you and your families in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • kro30
    kro30 Member Posts: 14
    edited October 2008

    butterfly cd

     I know what you're going through - although it's barely been two months, I can't remember what is was like before mom was dx- prayers to you.I have been so lucky in this battle with my best friend and I know what it is to say - every day means something.

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  • Romiles
    Romiles Member Posts: 12
    edited November 2008

    We are all but human beings bound to react differently in different situations.. It will never lessen ones being to react the way you did. In fact, it will help your mom to gain more strength.

    I've been DX with CA just a month ago, had underwent mastectomy too... it makes me feel better if people around me show up with happy and relaxed faces. Gives me more stregnth to carry on.

     Cancer can't mean loosing all the time... there are many things one gains too... realization of life's worth makes one live life accordingly...

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