time for me to tell my story

Hi Dee, and thank you for sharing your story with us.  It's so important to get it all out there.  I'm 36 (35 at dx) with a wonderful hubby and 3 boys, as well.  My journey has been different from yours, in that the lumpectomy I had at first revealed more areas of cancer, which resulted in my decision to have a mast with recon, and my onc's recommendation to have chemo.  I'm knee deep in it right now and it has been tough, but I will get through it. 

I'm glad you posted and I can well identify with your anxieties.  4 am seems to be my time to wake up with a head full of rushing fears.  What if there's more? What if it spread?  What if it comes back in my bones, lungs, brain?  What if, what if, what if???  The only way I know to calm those dreaded what ifs is  through prayer.  I am a Christian and I draw my strength and peace from my relationship with Christ and support of wonderful friends.  When I can remember that I am in His hands and that He loves me, I am able to relax more.  Some use anti-anxiety meds for a period of time, too, and that has helped them.  I've not needed them but would not refuse them if I was at that point.  I'm so sorry that you don't have the support of your mom to tell you it's going to be alright.  But know this, it's going to be alright!  So many women, far more advanced than us in terms of diagnosis, have gone on and are leading happy, healthy, full lives 5, 10, 15 and even 20 years out.  We will join their ranks! We can do this!

NY...

 Many hugs go out to you...

 I am 39 years old... I had my first mammo last october,,,found an area of concern..and lo and behold a tiny 4mm idc and a 1mm idc!!!  I am almost just like you.

I had a lumpectomy, and radiation and I have been on Tamoxifin since May.

Please hang in there...Try to eat and keep up your strength...you need it for the radiation treatment and you need it to beat this cancer thing.

Trust me.....I was a total wreck when I was diagnosed, sometimes I still am.  But most importantly, there is life after breast cancer and you have to live it...and you have to live it as healthy as you can.

This is a great place for support..both the Discussion Boards and the Chatroom...pretty much saved my life.

Hugs to you!!

Kosh

Dee, I am sorry you have had to join not only the people affected by cancer club, but also the cancer club itself.  It is always sad to me when I hear a new person is diagnosed.  In Canada in 2008 it is estimated that 22,400 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer (1 in 9).  Think of being in a crowded shopping mall, chances are some of the women there have been diagnosed with breast cancer, so you are not alone.  When I was diagnosed with bc there was no history of it in my family, and no one I knew had breast cancer.  Since then, I met many breast cancer patients at the cancer hospital.  Also, I know three wonderful women who have been diagnosed with bc (one whose cancer came back once, and one whose cancer came back twice), and all are fine today.  Your prognosis is good Dee.  I know it is a tough thing to go through, but you will get through it.  I wish I had found this website a long time ago, it has been very helpful through my reconstruction journey.

Dee, I can give you some advice as I was an emotional wreck 2 years ago when I was diagnosed, no family history, athlete, felt great, playing my best tennis.  Anyway, fast forward two years, I do pray often, for me, it is reassuring and comforting. I also take Lexapro, it helps with my hot flashes and with my difficulty sleeping with no adverse effects.  What you can think of is this, you caught your cancer very early, you have great prognostic factors, ER positive, PR positive responds the BEST with hormonal therapy of all of the receptors.  Next wold be ER positive.  I think if you can imagine your future with your children and husband, summers at the beach and many holidays ahead of you, you will do better.  Focus on the carrot.  You are actually in a very good situation and have the ability to look forward.  Bear down and get throw this nasty period.  You will look back and value your family and friends that have walked the walk with you.  Stay well and PM me any time if you want.  Maryiz

Dee:  Once your treatment plan is in place I think you will feel a little better.  I am a 2 time 17 year survivor and I know how scary getting this dx is. Hang in there, it gets better and the women on these boards are here to help or just listen anytime you need one of us.

Hugs,

Maureen 

Dee,

Walking in cancer shoes is no fun!  And, your life will never be the same.  But, if you can find some positive things to concentrate on -- like it was found BEFORE a 6 month or less to live diagnosis.  It's hard, I know.  I have used the anti-anxiety meds and sleep meds when needed.  My doctor told me that it is very important to get my rest, so I gave in.  Right now, all the commercials on TV are talking about Oct being breast cancer month .... so that makes me think more about it.  But, I no longer feel sheer panic. Hang in there .... I believe that your mother is with you, rest in that knowledge .... maybe not physically but she is in your heart and mind.  And, if she was here, she would give you a hug and tell you it's going to be okay.  HUG!

Hang in there .....

I am facing a potential re-occurence ... I was diagnosed 10/22/07, lumpectomy 11/1, chemo 12/26 and then rads, 33.  They will be doing an MRI soon.  But, I am not freaked out about it ... I am concerned.  Why?  Because I am living each day as if it is my last, telling my kids that I love them .... and my grandkids ... and my husband .... and other relatives.  Things that used to bother me don't anymore ... I pick my battles and relax more.  I am glad that I have had a heads up ... it has given me a whole new perspective.

Blessings,

Kay 

Dee-

I was just diagnosed in September, actually one day before my 48th birthday. The first day I cried, then something came over me....I said to myself I will not let this ruin my life. This will not control my life.

So I just take each day at a time. I keep in mind that, having breast cancer does not mean death. It only means I need to do things differently....now I will have more doctor appointments then I have in the last 10 years,  but oh well!

I keep in mind that at least I have a chance.

I do read post on the board, but I will tell you that if I come upon a post that is in the negative, then I will skip over it (for another time....sorry to those women) but right now I need to keep my mind positive. And if I do read something that scares me, then I remind myself that we all will experience things differently, even if we have the same treatments.

I'm a believer in positive thoughts.....healing begins with the mind.

As the others have said your fears and feelings are very normal. But don't focus on the negative...remind yourself how truly lucky you are.

With that I will tell you that going through this right now (Month of October) has been hard as it being Breast Cancer awareness month. Every place I go, viewing television, shopping, Everything is Pink Ribbons.....So when I am asked to donate at a store....I politely ask the women at the cash register..."have you had your mammogram lately?".

I am now spending my time on my new hobby....that is to spread the word of the new education I have been forced to gain....I have three co-workers, that have not done mammograms in many years, that have just gotten them done. My own sister....because of lack of medical coverage has not had a mammogram in years. She was just seen at a City Clinic and had her mammogram done ( she's older then me).

I feel better sharing my information and hoping to help others. The key is early detection, as we are ALL proof of this.

Dee- Go ahead and work through your fears...but don't let them rule your life. You will find your path through this. Hang in there and take care.

Denise

Dee, you certainly came to the right place, but so sorry you have to be here. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I think it's probably normal for a lot of people to question their faith when they get diagnosed with any potentially life-threatening illness. I had several conversations with my priest, which did help, and I know for sure that talking to him helped my daughter, who was 8 at my diagnosis. I was very concerned about her, because I had taken care of both my parents at home, and both passed away there (different years) but both died from cancer. I knew that my daughter, Aislin, would have a very difficult time with my diagnosis, but she really was a little trooper, especially during treatment. Let people help you in whatever ways they want during the hard times, and take care of yourself! Jeri

just wanted to pass out a few prayers and hugs.  when I was dx'ed with stage 4 in January is i forbid myself to think about cancer in my bed.  If I started to think about it about the future I either had to stop RIGHT then, or get out of bed until I could get things under control.  Once I had that down, I expended it to the whole bedroom, then to the whole upstairs.  It took a few weeks, but it felt SO good to be in control of my brain.  It was hard work, but very worth it.

Find some books on tape that are not on your "read me NOW" list.  Something with a good story, but no big attraction.

Deb C

Deb C.  That is an amazing idea, not allowing yourself to think of cancer in bed, then in the bedroom and so on.  It could be applied to so many things in life. Thankyou for the great idea.  I'm going to try it.

Dee, this is what's so great about these boards! 

Hugs all.

Sharon.

Hi there Dee and welcome!!

You will do just fine, and have the support and hugs of all of us!

In another thread, we were talking about how when an elephant falls down, she is at great risk from predators--sooooo--when the other elephants see one of their sisters getting weak, they all gather together around her and "lean" on her to keep her upright until she feels better.

Think of yourself as being surrounded by a herd of "elephant sisters" ready to stand beside you and hold you up whenever you feel like you might fall. . .

Thanks for sharing your story--we all know how you feel, been there, done that, and as you see, as time goes by, we go on to live happy, wonderful lives!!

Bigs hugs to you!

Dee,

Welcome to the sisterhood!  While it sucks to be here, the people are wonderful and have helped me through some difficult days. I can really relate to your missing your mom when you needed her most. 

It took me more than a month to realize that my very best and oldest friend would be the perfect shoulder to have that "mom-reserved" cry with.  Just this past Sunday, we got together, just the two of us, and I bawled like a baby and the release was just what I needed. So what I'm saying is find that person who you feel closest to and share your sense of loss about your mom and how much you miss her right now and you'll find the best shoulder in the world to have your "mom-cry". 

Hugs from afar from another motherless daughter,

Jo Ann in Maryland