I think I have a problem
Comments
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Thinking of you, my camel friend. I hope it all went well and you're enjoying the benefits of good pain meds!
Anne
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Hi Annie - hope you are resting and well on your way to healing. Let us hear from you!
Lisa
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femme--You didn't step on my toes. (Is that a metaphor too?) Enjoyed the reference to the Peanut Gallery. There are so many elephants here that I am feeling a bit compacted. Does anyone know if female elephants have tusks? It would be fun to have tusks for a day. We could scare Annie's surgeon
Annie--Hope you feel better soon.
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Annie,
I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU HAD A "DR. GOOBER!" How in the world are they allowed to do breast surgery when they have no clue! The good thing is that it was caught and can be treated. I am praying for you! I will soon have an MRI to see if a mass that is growing near my incision is maglinant or just scar tissue ... my Dr. Goober did not get complete clear margins .... one area was a bit too close so this is why I am worried too. At the time all this was happening I was in a fog and wasn't sure of what the report was saying .... and that the margin was too close in one area. I know it now and am mad too! Bless you, dear one! I am praying!
K
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Dear Elephant Sisters --
Well, the surgery is over and I'm back home. Exhausted and feeling beat up, but home. I don't know if he got it all or not; I have a foggy memory of his telling me right after I woke up that there had been "worrisome adhensions," but DH who was, of course, fully conscious, believes he was told the BS got it all out. DH actually asked him, "So, did you get that node this time?" And the surgeon apparently said yes. In any case, I have an appointment with him on Monday, so we'll see what we will see. The path report should be back by then too, and he has agreed to a CTC test as well.
One startling thing -- I woke up briefly during the procedure ... and the father of my children was standing by the table, smiling at me. He died of a massive heart attack in May of this year, but had never remarried. I don't think he ever fell in love again. And no, I am not a superstitious person. Yes, I know, it was probably the drugs. However, the surgical team confirmed that I woke up briefly and seemed to be smiling at something/someone on my right side. Who knows ...
Now, Elephant Sisters, we need to rally around KPolasek! Dear Kay -- have you posted somewhere else? We need to hear your story.
Love to all,
Annie
PS: There sure were a lot of elephants in that OR!
PPS: Can't believe I actually misspelled "superstitious." Man, those drugs!
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Annie, one glad petite elephant to hear all went well in the OR. good luck on Monday at the follow-up.
K- Good luck with your MRI.
Sheila
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Dear Annie,
So relieved to hear from you! Now, do elephants believe in polyandry? There are a few human societies that do... It seems to me that you're a similarly powerful matriarch, enlisting one husband to give the surgeon stern looks while another focuses a smile on you (telling you to stay put, if not in Laredo, at least on terra firma for a good long time!). Not to mention all the cyber-sisters, aunties, nieces, etc.!
Hope you have a restful weekend, and good reports on Monday.
Love,
Ann
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I am glad to read your post and know you are through the surgery, Annie, with the help of your friends here and of course, your DH. Glad too for your ex-husbands appearance at a time of need; clearly we keep souls close in our dark hours, and recall the good in life through our memories.I hope you have a restful weekend. Maybe take in a movie and dinner out if you're up to it, to "live" as you say it.All my best to you, Annie. You are much in my thoughts, as are all our sisters and brothers here.Tender
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YEAHHHHHHAHHHHAHHH! So glad it's gone!
You've been in my thoughts for the last few days.
My mother woke after emergency surgery many years ago, and asked where her nanna and Cousin Bobby were - they had both died 25 years before. She said they had been holding her hand for the entire time she was unconscious. I'm glad you had a friendly face there.
Swift healing, as the herd rests for the weekend.
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Hi Annie!
I am so glad that you made it through the surgery well! I am a chaplain (for a hospice) and I hear lots of your kind of stories of those who have died appearing to their loved ones who are alive here on earth. It seems that there is a permeable boundary that is crossed ...
I woke up onece during surgery and all I remember was wanting to throw up from the pain and the docs saying she's waking up and then wham I was out again.
My story:
Late Aug '07 I went for a routine mam ( I usually every year but I had started a new job and had a hard time finding time to go so this time it was 1 1/2 years since my last one).
Nine days later (after I thought I was in the clear), I go the call. You need to come in for another mam and possibly and ultrasound. Which I did. Then I was referred to a general surgeon -- Goober #1. He looked at the ultrasound and said .... this looks like a cluster of grapes, cancer always looks like a starburst ... he went on and on about there was nothing to worry about.
I had an ultrasound guided stereotactic biopsy (they took out flesh not just fluid). When I went back to the surgeon, Goober #1, he entered the room and almost whispered it's cancer ... but we caught it early, stage 1 and rads only. That was 10/22/07.
11/1/07 Dr. Goober #1 did the surgery (I was told that he was the only one who did boobs). They .... my health plan/doc failed to tell me that they had breast surgeons in Temple (I am in Bryan, Texas).
After the surgery was over, G#1 said he got it all, less than 2 cm, stage 1, radiation only. And, he referred me to an oncologist in Temple (again I was not told that I could go to an onc in my city).
I had to wait 30 days to get in to see the biggest, meanest man I have ever met, Dr. Goober #2. He waltzs in and says, you are stage 2, chemo and rads needed. He also told me that I had a very aggressive cancer .... and he told me that I would not survive 4 rounds of chemo .... and he was very ugly to me. My husband was shocked how I was treated. We went to lunch and talked and decided to go back to the social worker that we had talked with (part on the interdisciplinary team) and told him the story. He was shocked (we had the doc on tape recorder). He went to talk to the doc and he said that he was glad that we picked up on the fact that he thought I would die and that I needed to quit my chaplaincy job. This Goober#2 has no idea what a wonderful support my hospice group was to me.
I had a major melt down on the way home and made my mind up that I would not go back. I prayed and prayed. A week later I found out that some very wonderful oncologists in our town have a contract with our HMO and that I could go to one of them.
The one I chose has the rep of being aggressive in his treatment. He was shocked to hear what that doc said ...
I did survive it all .... I feel good ... except for tennis elbow type pain on that side. My boob has something growing -.. and it throbs like when you have an infection.
So ... I go back to my gen phy, he referred me to Goober #1 .... he said that it was scar tissue ... I asked him if I could possibly have and cyst or something that is painful. He said no .... strike 3
I decided to see my rad oncologist, he was concerned and ordered an ultrasound .... guess what the radiologist said that I have a cyst and a mass ... can't determine if it is malignant mass or just scar tissue. My rad onc then ordered a mammogram ... same thing ..... He offered to order an MRI .... I said wait .... I prayed, prayed, prayed ... and my answer was "go to the experts." Someone who only does boobs. I found a WONDERFUL female breast surgeon who is concerned ... and has ordered an MRI and has a plan for the other, she thinks is a seroma, not cyst. I was amazed with her breast exam ... the best one I have EVERY had.
Unfortunately, wading through a breast cancer diagnosis is hard. At first I was in a fog and went along with what they said. Now that I have had time to research and think ..... I may have done things differently.
I did go back to my breast surgeon and told him that he was wrong for sending me to a jerk onc and didn't tell me that I could go locally. HMO's want to keep the money "in house."
I also called and talked to Goober #2 and told his assistant that I was never coming back to him and that he had no right to treat me the way he did ... he took away my hope.
Now ... as for Goober #2 .... everytime I thought that I would die I would picture him and tell him that I would not surrender to his prediction.
My MRI approval is taking longer than the doc thought it would. I am hoping that I will get that and get into the MRI SOON!!!
That's my story and I am stickin' to it!
Blessings,
Kay
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Dear Kay,
What a story. Goobers, indeed. When do you get the results of the MRI? How are you bearing up? Please let us know what's happening as things unfold. You're in my thoughts and my prayers, sweet girl.
Love,
Annie
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Dear Annie and Kay. Big , big hugs to you both. Sometimes I wonder how we do actually survive with these fruitloop docs that are out there.And why the aroggance and coldness that some have about them? Do they have to "numb out" as to survive mentally and emotionally? Sorry you both have had your share of , I don't even know what to call it. Incompetence? Lack of caring? Money only matters to them? Well , its onward and upward for you both. You are both in my daily prayers. Good luck to you both. xxxx Melody
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Dear Annie and Kay. Big , big hugs to you both. Sometimes I wonder how we do actually survive with these fruitloop docs that are out there.And why the aroggance and coldness that some have about them? Do they have to "numb out" as to survive mentally and emotionally? Sorry you both have had your share of , I don't even know what to call it. Incompetence? Lack of caring? Money only matters to them? Well , its onward and upward for you both. You are both in my daily prayers. Good luck to you both. xxxx Melody
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Annie,
So glad you are home and fine. Waiting and praying with you for the report on Monday.
Sue
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annie thinking of you hoping all is well ! let us know how you are doing
xoxoxox
julia
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Annie, What are you planning to do re diet to help you through this?
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Annie,
I may not post very often, but always thinking of you and checking on your progress.
Lisa
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Annie, I had to run...so my last post was pretty blunt...Sorry! You are such a fighter...I have read so many of your posts. With every day,I become more and more convinced that we can kick this thing, no matter what stage we are in, or what comes up to kick us in the butt. I think of you so often. I will keep you in my prayers. Please, please stay strong and positive (I know how that drives you crazey) but theres something to that.
Steph
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Hi all,
In a couple of hours I meet with the BS to get the path report from the surgery last Thursday. I'm pretty terrified, but guess I'll get through this like we seem all to get through all our various trials and tribulations. Hopefully things won't be too dire.
As far as diet is concerned, I really haven't a clue what I can do to make mine healthier. I never eat meat, have fish 2-3 times a week, never get fast food, do all my own cooking from fresh ingredients (I even bake my own bread with French flour I order from King Arthur in Maine), and eat mainly vegetables and fruit. My weight is normal. My weaknesses are good French wine and dark Belgian chocolate. I try to be reasonable about the wine (a couple of glasses a week), and since the chocolates are so expensive, basically only have them on special occasions such as Christmas or my birthday.
What else can I do?
Thanks to all,
Annie
Edited to add supplements: calcium, vitamin D, vitamin C, flaxseed oil, vitamin B complex, all daily.
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Annie - Jeez, just got caught all the way up, what a rollercoaster. Hope you get good news today, and feel free to trip the surgeon on the way out or something...
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I have a better idea -- I think I'll simply shoot him. Here in Texas shooting someone under certain circumstances is a defendable action, as in "Judge, he simply needed shootin'."
Annie
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Oh Annie, I love ya. Deb
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I don't know about Texas, but if it is anything like here in Alaska, if you have the words "Lawyer & Doctor & or especially Surgeon" in your title you get at least half the jurors on the murder defense side automatically.
Hugs
Deb C
PS......personal comment that I HAVE had some good docs, but the crappy ones sure leave a long-term bad taste in your mouth......
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"He simply needed a shootin'", I LOVE IT!
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Hi all,
Back from the surgeon's office. Apparently he found not only the node, which was mostly necrotic tissue with a few viable cancer cells inside, but also what he calls "micro-sattelites" on the scar area left over from the previous surgery. I have no idea what that signifies or what the implications are, and would be very grateful for any illumination anyone can give me. He says he thinks he got it all, but wants me to proceed to radiation sooner rather than later. He also said he doesn't believe further surgery at this time would be beneficial. I asked about more chemo, and his answer was that the data does not suggest better prognosis with more chemo than what I've already had. So, radiation it is, starting next week.
I wonder what all this means ...
Love,
Annie
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Indeed. Man you've been kicked in the stomach by all this. I can't shed any light but wish you the best. .
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Annie,
I think you must call your surgeon and insist that he answer some questions. For example, what does it all mean, what are micro-sattelites, what exactly is going on? Get back in the drivers seat. This guy never impressed any of us, but now he's over the top. Get him to give you and your husband straight answers. Ask him all your questions. Well behaved women rarely make history, and in effect you are behaving well as the "star" of the movie of your life!
Love and I'm waiting for your report,
femme
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I've never heard of the term "micro-satellites" as I read your surgeon used it, Annie.I've heard of it in reference to tumor cells seen by a pathologist under the microscope though. Is it possible he was reading from your pathology report, rather than repeating what he found at surgery (with his eyes, fingers etc) on your scar?Well, on with the radiation to zap those nasties. I guess you'll be starting this week possibly?Thinking of you,Tender
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Hi all,
I did just call him back, and my daughter called him from France as well. He said openly this is his fault, but he believes the problem is still "local." He also said by "microsattelites" he meant "microscopic clusters of cancer cells." He also says he noted something strange on the internal scar during surgery, and that's why he excised the entire scar structure with wide margins. I start radiation on Wednesday. Can't be soon enough for me. In the meantime, I'm phoning Johns Hopkins in the morning. My problem is that I'm not a star; I'm simply paralyzed.
I read that Stage IV is now being treated with chemo plus Celebrex. Has anyone else heard about this? See abstract below. My daughter says it's prevalent in the UK.
Thanks, Annie the Paralyzed
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18071704
I'm sorry, guys, the above sounds cold and rough. I just don't know what to do. Everyone in my family trusts these guys and feel I need to go with their recommendations. Also, the BS apparently told my daughter I should be "kept off the Internet." What the EFF does that mean? I've never been so insulted in my life! What a patriarchal attitude; I feel like making sure he spends the rest of his life speaking in a falsetto. I might do it, too.
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Go to a dedicated cancer center, Johns Hopkins, Sloan Kettering Memorial, MD Anderson etc. If ever there was a time for a 2nd opinion, this is the time.
Speaking in falsetto and/or "needing a shootin" are mild compared to being censored by the Dept of Misconduct of your state's Dept of Health. It is where his ability to make money is the future is at stake. But this is not the time to give this a thought.
Just get your records and get another opinion. You can do this. You are charming, funny, focused, intelligent (and scared). With all of the above, you can do anything. Don't let the influences of your family stop you from listening to your gut. IT IS YOUR LIFE, ANNIE. You can move mountains.
femme
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