((((((((((((((((((DebC)))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((slonedeb)))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((tripbleneg))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((puppy))))))))))))))

OH HELL ((((((((((((TO EVERYONE)))))))))))))))

DebC:  I know you are having surgery today and wanted you to know we are all thinking of you.  There are so many of us with you that there wont be enough room!  You are loved by so many and I know that today you will be protected by some very special angels.

Love ya

Nicki

GOOD MORNING  CG

GIRLS

WISHING ALL OF U A HAPPY SUNDAY

Quick pop in for me.

Big shout out to slondeb & debc - hope today is a better day for you both.

Valerie

Sending some warm sunshine your way and hoping you have a wonderful day.

Nicki

SloneDeb - thinking of you and hoping you are doing better.

Love and hugs,

I just read this on the mets thread:



RobinTN wrote:



hello alll once again i must turn to my friends.



i just got home f rom the hospital t oni te .after a 15 mo th affair with NED t he cancer is back this this time in my hrain.ibeat it twice now the steaks ar e higher and i will win again.thats all i can say now it is just to hard for me to grasp.hope i will be going to duke next week..i have a mri/prt for monday/i will write more when i can



Robin....."I wont back down"....

Dx 11/3/2004, IBC, 6cm+, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/9 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+

Robin:  Sending lots of love your way.

Nicki

hello girls thanks for the cards you sent they were lovely cant remember who sent them i think brena was one i have been really out of it the last 4 days my back and lega have just about killed me nothing helps then yesterday chemo nurse calls and said you dont get chemo no mor aand i was suppose th have it tomorrow i ask her why and she said onc nurse called and told her that i finally get hold of onc nurse and she thats what the onc said i ask her why and she said she didnt know  i ask to speak to onc only to find  out she is out of town till the 12th chemo nurse said they told her i would not be chemo never again that makes me feel like she ahs given up on me i pray thats not what it is i have onlly been on taxol and abraxane  there should be other chemos i can try shouldnt there i am really scared and ask you ladies say an extra prayer that she wont give up on me  love you girls deb from ky

Damn right you won't back down Robin.....................

Saying Hi and blessings to all of you!

Neesie 

DebC, Slonedeb, Puppy, Robin and all those in need, we will never stop fighting so don't you.  We are surrounding you with love, strength and hope. Sending prayers your way.  

Today, I would like to tell you all about my sister Angel. Her real name was Angelica, but we called her Angel. She was 4 years older than me and as teenagers we always did things together. Had fun and got into trouble.

She was the oddball in our Italian family as she had blonde hair and green eyes. Where did that come from? We loved each other and yet there were times we would get into fist fights. Today, if things were different - she would be turning 62 today. She would be enjoying 4 grand children she never met. She would be the one holding what is left of my family together.

Instead, she is not with us. She lost her life at the age of 46 to Ovarian Cancer. I miss her. Sometimes I think she is still out there, just a phone call away. I woke up this morning feeling the same emptiness I felt when we lost her 16 years ago.

She loved butterflies and whenever I see a Monark, I know its her saying hello to me. She is my guardian angel and many times I say a prayer to her - looking for some advice. Although Im sure she laughs when I pray to her asking that the Bears win a football game - cause she hated football.

I have been sitting here at my computer for 2 hours now. Woke up at 5:00 am excited it was the week-end and I could just come here and enjoy talking to everyone. I have not been able to write one word. Not anywhere. I guess its time to just be honest with everyone - as I know some of you are wondering whats up with me.

Lately I am finding it difficult to post. The reality has hit me once again, that like many of you, I have gone through an awful thing with this breast cancer. I think I tried to hide my feelings and say to myself - oh yes - you are a survivor. I look at myself and dont know who I see. I dont know who I am. I dont know where Im going.

I used to get so much pleasure and support coming to these breast cancer sites. Now - Im finding it hard to even turn on the computer. For most of my life, I devoted myself to nursing. That always came first - above everything else. I had alot of passion and put my heart into helping others. Im tired. Tired of defending myself to people I dont really know and that I would never have met - were it not for breast cancer. I know in the real world I touch many lives. As a young nurse I was always drawn to those who were diagnosed with cancer. Somehow I was given a gift - to reach out and make people who were suffering speak to me in words they would speak to no one else. I have been with too many people as they passed on to another life and I think that has finially caught up with me.

I search for the reason I am still drawn to these boards.

So yes, Im sad today. I think I need to keep myself busy today. Maybe go exercise to some fun music. Maybe take Mister for a walk. Maybe do some retail therapy. I dont know - somehow my perspective on life needs to change.

As a young nurse I was taught by the writings of Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross. The 5 stages of cancer. Acceptance being the last stage. I dont think I have gotten there yet, and wonder if I ever will.

You are all such good friends, and I thank you for the times you brought me up when I was down. I try to post like I used to, saying something to everyone - and now my words seem so empty.

May you all have a wonderful day. Hopefully when I come back, I will be in better spirits.

Nicki-

You have given me such wonderful advice here and on no surrender. Please continue to visit....

I for one will be very sad if you discontinue coming on..