Done with treatment - feeling lost

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Kfalls
Kfalls Member Posts: 105
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Just finished rads on Wednesday.  Obviously patience is not my best virtue if I am lamenting the way I feel, but I can't get it togther.  Out in public, everything seems fine.  I smile and chat and say that everything is wonderful.  When in reality, I cry at the littlest thing, have no motivation, don't sleep (even with ambien) and am worried about everything!  I know I am not alone, but don't know what to do with myself.  Knew I couldn't do Christmas this year so planned a trip with my family, but due to stock market dive we have had to cancel.  I guess that feeling sorry for myself is my specialty right now!  Anybody with me?

Karen 

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  • lilith
    lilith Member Posts: 543
    edited September 2008

    Hey Karen...

    what you are feeling is really quite normal. Having BC is quite a challenging event, and while one undergo treatment, it is a whirlwind of decisions/new facts/tests. Then, it all finishes, leaving one with bits and bites of life to pick up on, and a body who is a lot more tired than before, and need being babied for a long time. Not to mention work and a career... and more. Worse, everybody look at us, and says "now you are fine again, no? so there - pick up on this, and this, and this, and this..... oh, you are soooo lucky" (I hate that "lucky" bit).

    I am sorry you had to cancel the trip - but maybe you can find something else to look forward to. Sometimes we need to set goals and plans in our future, so that we know what we are looking at. If you don't like doing Christmas, why not throwing a Halloween party? or a holiday gathering, without the Xmas theme? or a cookie making competition? or... a dinner of the month club, where you host a dinner with a new theme every month, and invite friends over - they bring the wine or beer? or a pot-luck dinner of the month, where you invent a theme, and each guest brings an item over to share fitting with the theme (mexican, italian, or white and red food, green foods, white foods, soups and salads, etc...).

    The idea is just to have you have some fun, and look forward something, while staying busy...  

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  • swimangel72
    swimangel72 Member Posts: 1,989
    edited September 2008

    Hi - I picked up a book in my oncologist's office called, "After Breast Cancer - Answers to the Questions You're Afraid to Ask" by Musa Mayer, maybe it can help you. If you Google "After Breast Cancer" you'll find other books. I know reading a book isn't always emotionally beneficial for everyone - and you may need more immediate help. It's like entering another new dimension of your life.........maybe you could find a therapist to help you sort things out? But in the meantime, I'm sure the wonderful women here will help you with their own personal stories of coping. Hang in there!

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited September 2008

    What you are feeling is quite natural.  You spent the last year or so with a goal in mind.  You had possibly chemo, surgery, rads......that is alot to think about and go through.  Emotionally that just takes a toll on your body.  Somehow you hold up through all of this and get through everything they through at you that goes along with the tx, hair loss, fatigue, illness, so many side effects that are to numerous to count.  All the while, people around you like to use you as a show piece, look, so and so has bc, I'm her friend and help her with this and that, blah blah blah.  It is just a powerful ordeal.  When it is over you just don't know what to do, the let down sets in and you are lost.  Take the time to cry, scream, holler, whatever it takes to get over this new hurdle.  I know I was working with a counselor for other reasons at that point in time but it sure helped me get a handle on my feelings and get past all that had happened to me in the last year of my life.

    Find what you need to do and do it.  This will pass and you will feel better but know you are not alone in your feelings.

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  • Daffodil
    Daffodil Member Posts: 829
    edited October 2008

    I don't know your family situation, but will they disappointed with no "Christmas" at all? Perhaps you could have a decorating party and just bring out a few things: the wreath for the door, the manger scene, the stockings, a few Santas and angels. A few greens and a lot of lights just nestled in will be cheerful. If you usually do a big green tree, maybe this year get a small fake pre-lighted one that you can use elsewhere next year. (Have you guessed that when I "do" Xmas, it takes me 2 weeks? Embarassed)

    Another thought is to volunteer yourself and your family at a local "soup kitchen" to serve Xmas dinner to the homeless and the needy. That might be a way to "pay it forward" for all the help and good wishes you have received since Dx.

    Good luck to you and congratulations on completing treatment!

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  • johnwayne
    johnwayne Member Posts: 36
    edited September 2008

    Only time will take care of things.  Take a deep breath.  And just deal w/ the day that approaches you.  If you are like me, you want to control every millisecond of your life.  We can't.  It will get better - well, it will change.  Most important is to just feel whatevers happening and wait.

     Great, huh?

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  • kerry_lamb
    kerry_lamb Member Posts: 778
    edited September 2008
    Firstly, let me offer you lots of love and hugs..this is the toughest of battles. Somewhere else on this forum..earlier this year..I read that our response to our diagnosis and treatment (especially if surgery is involved) is best described as Post Traumatic Stress. There really is something in this, when you think about.In a time of severe stress, which is what BC diagnosis and all the tests is ( severe stress) we go into this dealing mode because we simply HAVE to deal with each challenge as it comes up. There is no other way. But when the dust settles, as it is with you now (and me..I finished chemo last Friday)  our reserves are empty. What is needed is time, obviously, and quality head-space to process it all. But I'm thinking, for me anyway, anti-depressants as well. I think when someone is really up against it, as you are, even treatment with a PTS specialist could be really beneficial.If you read through the forums (beware! It's a BIG read) you'll find one called 'Can't get my act together and I don't know why'. Pretty much describes what we all go through sometimes.You are not alone in this. Take care as best you can, maybe by checking out depression first. XXX KerryChristmas? Great suggestion to SIMPLIFY! celebrate life, a new beginning. Helping out somewhere else is a brilliant suggestion. It will take you out of 'virtual reality' and ino real time! 
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  • Kfalls
    Kfalls Member Posts: 105
    edited September 2008

    Wow - what a great feeling to have so many people answer my post. (And so many awesome suggestions!) I do really know this is normal, just everyone thinks things should be back to normal since I have an inch of hair. :) I think that the trip thing really bummed me out and I know I do need to find some special way to celebrate this year with my family. So - thanks for the encouragement. I see my oncologist next week and I need to talk to him about the sleep thing because nothing seems right when I am so tired. That seems to be a large part of the problem right now. I will check out the book - sounds good. Thank you for your support. I hadn't really been on the discussion boards since chemo, but it's a place to go where everybody understands.

    I really appreciate your comments.

    Karen

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited September 2008

    Karen, are you on an antidepressant?  If not that may help also and I have xanax on hand, don't use it alot but it is great to help me sleep when I get desperate.  I don't like to use it on a regular basis for sleep because it is addictive but every now and then it is a big help.  Also takes the edge of when I am particularly stressed out.

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  • Kfalls
    Kfalls Member Posts: 105
    edited September 2008

    Thanks LuAnn - I did have xanax for a while and what I liked about that was if I woke up in the middle of the night it would allow me to go back to sleep.  Than I didn't have to take an ambien every night in fear that I wouldn't sleep.  I am not on an antidepressant and I guess I should talk to my doctor about that.  The wierd thing is that some days are awful and then there are days like today when things actually seemed fine.  It's really crazy.  Thanks for the advice.

    Karen 

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