How do I know my place in all this?

Options
AmySE
AmySE Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My cousin is a close friend, our husbands are best friends. Now it's been a while since we've all gotten together, but now that she's been diagnosed (just found out a couple of days ago), I feel like my world has been turned upside down. It might as well be my own mother or one of my brothers that's been diagnosed with cancer because I feel like I have to do something constantly. If I'm not researching, I'm making plans to bring her and her family dinner or out to the spa, I'm talking to her mom and letting her mom cry on the phone because she wants to be strong for her daughter. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow about helping to clean her house.

 I've cried more than I ever could've imagined I would. Is this an appropriate reaction, or am I going overboard with this? How do I keep this from being about me and my reaction and keeping the focus on her and her family? I won't dare talk about how I feel to her, that's just common sense when I can't even begin to imagine what she and her husband are going through. But when I talk to others I don't want to appear that I'm more consumed by my feelings than I am with helping her through this.  Any insight or advice would be much appreciated.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • Kriddie
    Kriddie Member Posts: 14
    edited September 2008

    Amy,  I think that your recations are completely appropriate.  Hearing the diagnosis of loved one should touch you deeply and you are responding in a way similar to me when my mother was diagnosed earlier this summer.  I've done all that I could to research every step of her treatment in order to better prepare for what to expect during mastectomy, chemo, radiation, etc.  I cleaned the house during her recovery from surgery and went with her and my father to drs appointments.  This helped my mom in that she felt comfortable knowing that I was on top of things so she didn't have to be.  It made me feel better because I feel like I am doing something productive. 

    Your support of your cousin is wonderful.  I would say do as much as she will allow you to and as much as you feel comfortable with.  Take things one step at a time and if you read the boards here you will find a wealth of infomation from the wonderful women here.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mybeautifulsister
    mybeautifulsister Member Posts: 142
    edited September 2008

    Hi Amy, I know exactly how you feel, when my sister was dx, my whole world feel apart, it still is, I cry all the time and I just can`t seem to do enough for her. I think it is becasue we CAN~T take the cancer away, the  feeling of being helpless is horrible, so we  do what ever she needs. Some days it is just to be there and let her sob and other days it is cooking and shopping, some days she just wants to be alone. You will know in your heart what to do and when its to much and when it isn`t enough, take her lead. I think feeling the way we feel is natural when it is someone we love, here is to better days Amy for you and your cousin, she is lucky to have you!!

    Deb

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AmySE
    AmySE Member Posts: 3
    edited September 2008

    Thank you Deb and Kriddie for letting me know this is normal. I feel a bit better since she found out last night that the lymph nodes that got sent off were negative (she had one positive node diagnosed during the lumpectomy). This is really good news for her. Right now she's saying there isn't really anything that needs to be done, but I've offered to help her clean house and do her grocery shopping for her. I hope she takes me up on those offers. It really is hard not being able to help make it go away.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mybeautifulsister
    mybeautifulsister Member Posts: 142
    edited October 2008

    Hi Amy,

    Great news, so happy to hear!!!!  It is so hard to feel useless when we want to be useful. Sometimes my need to just do something for her over powers me and I just show up and tell her" Look it isn`t all about you" I need to feel like I am doing something and she laughs and lets me do it!!!! bring a bunch of meals for the freezer so on the days she is not up to cooking she has them made, trust me she will love it!!! and it will make you feel good also!!! Good luck Amy!!!!

    Deb

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories