I need feedback for speaking engagement

Hi all,

I am scheduled to speak at an event this Tuesday in NYC. My audience will consists of women between the ages of 23 and 45. The purpose of my speech, is to tell my story, and to make it clear that young women are also diagnosed with breast cancer. Last night I wrote a quick draft of my speech. I am not sure whether or not I should add more personal information. I want my speech to be effective. Please If anyone can think of other points I should adress, or if you might want to add any additional information based on your struggles. Please let me know. I could really use the feedback.

Hi, Thank you for having me tonight.   I am here tonight, in hopes that my story might change the way that you perceive  breast cancer.  Your never to young to be diagnosed with cancer. I should know  on December 27th 2007 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of 27. Needless to say the diagnosis put a damper on my New Years Eve plans.   On March 28, 2008 I had a bilateral mastectomy.  In April I underwent my first round of chemo treatment.

I am not the first   young women ever to be diagnosed with Breast Cancer and unfortunately I will not be the last.  You all are probably thinking, "I had no idea you could be diagnosed with breast cancer at such a young age". I have received the comment "No... your too young" many times, often from physicians. That was exactly what my ob-gyn told me after she examined the lump that I had found through self-examination.  She was wrong. Cancer is a dangerous disease, and it probably has or will touch most of your lives. Cancer doesn't care how old your are....  Who your are..How much money you make....Or your future plans.

I have never thought to ask "Why Me?" ... "Why Not me" there are thousands of women under the age of 45 diagnosed each year. We are your sister's, your friends, and are sometimes mothers. This is why I believe it is important  for women, especially young women, to support each other, and to advocate for one another.   If we don't decide to take a stand against a disease that claims the lives of so many of us, who will.   One in every eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their life time. Breast cancer most likely will effect either directly or indirectly ever one in this room.

Early detection is key. For young women cancer tumor's are normally more aggressive than tumor's found in patient's over the age of 45. Tonight I ask all of you to self examine your breasts on a monthly basis.  Know your breasts. If you aren't aware of how to perform a self-examination,  ask your physician.  It is important to know the correct way to examine your breasts. Be aware of any changes in your breast tissue, or skin. Don't rely on your annual trip to your primary care physician as your only means for a breast examination. Seventy percent of women diagnosed with breast cancer found their own lumps.   Most of the young survivor's and cancer patients I have met as well as myself discovered their own lumps. 

 Never forget that you are your best advocate regarding your body and your health. I say this to empower you. When I told one of my friends that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had found my lump through self examination, her response was"Oh, really...I never examine my breasts." At the time, I didn't say anything. What I should have said to her is this, "Not performing breast self examinations, does not prevent you from having breast cancer.

Remember this breast cancer is scary, but it isn't incurable. 

I can honestly say that breast cancer isn't the best thing that has ever happened in my life, but it isn't the worst. When I was diagnosed, I immediately felt like I lost control of my life. I had a lot of questions and I still have a lot of questions. My diagnosis changed my life; it changed me. I think that I changed for the better. I feel as though I am more compassionate, and more empathetic to my fellow human being. Due to cancer I  have this very low maintenance hair do. I can literally be out of the door twenty  minutes after waking up, that is includes make up application. I can also have cancer to thank for allowing me to finally have a set of  truly symmetrical sag-free breasts. Than you for your time. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask me I will be here for the rest event.