Supporting a Friend

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chara
chara Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

A good friend of mine was just recently diagnosed with IDC stage 3b.  She is going in for surgery next week and I guess we will have more information then.  She is only 29 with a 3 year old daughter.  I have been frusterated with her because she will not quit smoking and instead is smoking more.  I want to be the best support I can, but am irritated at watching her continue to put this poison in her body that is already at a fragile state.  I don't want to push her away or make matters worse with my highly opinionated mouth, but I love her and am scared.  I of course understand that she is going through something I can't even begin to imagine.  I am just looking for some advice on how to be the best support I can be for her.  Should I just love her and be there for her and back off on my stand on her smoking?  In what other ways can I help her?

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  • kerry_lamb
    kerry_lamb Member Posts: 778
    edited September 2008

    Chara, good on you for being there for your friend. She is very lucky to have someone to love her and care for her..and she is so young!

    The smoking thing is a furphy..do you have that word in America? Anyway, it is the least of her health problems at the moment and (I can vouch for this as someone who has been in a life-long war with my nicotine addiction) your friend will leave it behind when she is ready. This is a health fact. I was ready in March last year and it is completely gone from my consciousness. I have studied this all my life..smoking actually controlled and regulated my life!! Imagine that!

    Back to your friend: nicotine gives the smoker an 'edge', a feeling that all will be right, a sharpness. At this time, she will be relying on cigarettes to keep her 'charged up' before surgery. It is an unbelievably stressful time, especially for a mother. Be very gentle with her, and be quietly helpful with practical stuff but don't mention the 'smoking' word again. Heaps of women on this forum will attest to a completely new outlook on life and health and fitness after the initial nightmare stuff is over. Be ready for your friend when she gets to that point..because you might be the one cooking the bean dishes with her and riding those mountain bikes for miles! Laughing

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  • chara
    chara Member Posts: 2
    edited September 2008

    Kerry_Lamb,  thank you so much for your response!  I definantly plan on being the one cooking the bean dishes and mountain biking with her.  Cool  Thank you again for your support. 

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