Don't want to do tx again

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monee
monee Member Posts: 91
edited June 2014 in Second or Third Breast Cancer

I had IDC 9 yrs ago, did lumpectomy, 18 nodes removed, rads on left.  Now I just did lumpectomy, 10 nodes and probably need chemo and rads due to positive sentinal node on right.  I'm depressed and I don't want to do this again.  Everyone seems so strong here, wanting to fight.  I just want to feel good. My arm hurts. This is not fun.

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  • LynnInCalif
    LynnInCalif Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2008

    Boy, do I ever understand.  I was so depressed do to major events in my life (tragic death of only sibling, older brother) that when I was dx'ed with BC, even after 4 oncs recommended chemo, I felt I would not do it unless absolutely necessary cuz I wasn't sure I would be able to go through it and come out of it functional as I can say honestly that I am not very strong, and have no support system (safety net of people around who love me).  I also knew that I may get BC down the road and require chemo due to node positive status and the fear renegade cancer cells were loose in my lymphatic system, looking for a place to implant in one of my vital organs.

    You must do this.  The posters here are very knowledgeable and you can get great advice of how to go about this the easiest way possible.  This will give you the strength to get through this along with some antidepressants and a mood stabilizer.  Your future is what you will want to hold onto.  The possibilities are very real that you will be completely cured and go on living without BC  for the rest of your life.

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  • nancyluvspink
    nancyluvspink Member Posts: 102
    edited August 2008

    I know, I know, I know!  I couldn't believe it when this sob came back again.  The first time was one thing, but AGAIN?  My first was lumpect, nodes, rads and chemo in 2000.  Then in 2006, it returned on the other side.  Is yours on the other side also?  I went through more aggressive chemo the second time around.  Lumpect, nodes, chemo and rads.   I was now 42 and though I am getting too old for this crap!  It is hard to be positive when you are getting beat up.   Bald again, whatever!!!  I am so sorry that this has happened to you.  After finding out I was BRCA 1 positive, I decided to have a double mastectomy in 2008.  You must fight it.  You will fight it. 

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  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited August 2008

    {{{Monee}}}  I'm so sorry you've had a second dx.  There is nothing I can offer, as I've never been in your shoes, but I can say it is something we all fear.  A second dx, I mean.  All I can offer is some heartfelt {{hugs}}, prayers if you don't mind and all the support this forum has to get you through another round of tx.  Hang in there, we'll be there with you throughout, offering support.

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  • God-is-good
    God-is-good Member Posts: 46
    edited August 2008

    hi monee

    Sending you tons of strength! Be strong and try to stay positive. You can absolutely do it you just gotta get your head around it all. I know how overwhelming it can be and sometimes we just have to jump off that hamster wheel and go for it!

    Praying for you.. God is good :)

    teresa

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  • monee
    monee Member Posts: 91
    edited August 2008

    Thank you all for the encouraging words. Getting breast cancer once is enough.

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  • melmedic06
    melmedic06 Member Posts: 96
    edited September 2008

    monee- yes you can make it through treatment again-- take some time now to meditate or pray or exercise or have an extra glass of wine or to break a very expensive plate (or two) anything to set your mind free and let the strength in - you must convince yourself that no matter how bad it was the first time and how possibly bad it may be this time it can save your life- i was less than one year out when i had my 2nd dx- other breast and a different type of cancer- i was one month into paramedic school and not about to give up- i had my surgery over labor day weekend-took a week to recuperate then went back to school AND back to radiation and i survived and i have been cancer free ever since (and with God's blessing will stay that way) so pull up those boot straps- get back on that horse and prove to yourself- no one else- that you are a powerful woman and this beast is not going to get you down- OK???? keep the faith ladies

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  • monee
    monee Member Posts: 91
    edited September 2008

    Just found out yesterday that I have to go back into surgery.  Doctor kept the path report from me for two weeks! I am so angry.

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  • kerry_lamb
    kerry_lamb Member Posts: 778
    edited September 2008

    Hi Monee!

    Some of us are really strong, and some of us are just excellent bullshit-artists. Many of us take the 'Fake-it-till-you-make-it' approach, and all of us have huge ups and downs. The one thing we have in common is that we all want to live. That is why we are on these boards. I am sending you buckets of strength (that I often don't have!) and many 'cupsaconcrete.' (My brothers say 'Havacuppaconcreteandhardenthefeckup').

    Melmedic is right: give yourself time to straighten up your thoughts and focus on yourself in a really gentle and loving way. Then put the Samuri gear on.

    Much love. I will pray for peace for you. XX

    Kerry 

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