Friend is dying

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darCraig
darCraig Member Posts: 87
edited June 2014 in Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care

God, I hate this disease!  Velma was diagnosed in August 2005, had lumpetcomy/SNB,chemo (6 rounds FEC), and radiation.  Recurrence showed on first mammo - Sept. 2006, had mast, Taxol/herceptin.  Before the herceptin was done, she had lung mets - back on taxol and one other drug (can't remember).  Nothing is stopping it.  She lives across the country from me - I went to see her last month, but I can hear that she is going down fast.  She is at peace, and very grateful for all the care she is receiving, but those of us who are losing her are stunned and angry. 

Her husband told me that two of his sisters have not even called once during all of this.  That makes me angry too, since they moved east three days after her diagnosis, and have no family out there.  How can people be so selfish - he says he will never forgive them.  Sad that it is our families who hurt us the most.

We call every week, but will call more often now, as he says he is very lonely in the evenings - they have had visitors until now.

Just need to vent - and if anyone has advise on how to be a good friend during this, please feel free.

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  • darCraig
    darCraig Member Posts: 87
    edited August 2008

    God, I hate this disease!  Velma was diagnosed in August 2005, had lumpetcomy/SNB,chemo (6 rounds FEC), and radiation.  Recurrence showed on first mammo - Sept. 2006, had mast, Taxol/herceptin.  Before the herceptin was done, she had lung mets - back on taxol and one other drug (can't remember).  Nothing is stopping it.  She lives across the country from me - I went to see her last month, but I can hear that she is going down fast.  She is at peace, and very grateful for all the care she is receiving, but those of us who are losing her are stunned and angry. 

    Her husband told me that two of his sisters have not even called once during all of this.  That makes me angry too, since they moved east three days after her diagnosis, and have no family out there.  How can people be so selfish - he says he will never forgive them.  Sad that it is our families who hurt us the most.

    We call every week, but will call more often now, as he says he is very lonely in the evenings - they have had visitors until now.

    Just need to vent - and if anyone has advise on how to be a good friend during this, please feel free.

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  • irishdreama
    irishdreama Member Posts: 938
    edited August 2008

    DarCraig

    You are already being a good friend-all you have to do is be there for her, and you don't have to live close by to do that. You are so right about family being the ones that can hurt the most. Most of my family has been great, but my sister-not . Keeping in touch with your friend, and her husband, and letting them know how much you care is the most important thing in the world.

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited August 2008

    I agree, you are being a very good friend.  Being there in a time of crisis and not shying away means alot!  I am sorry to hear she is doing so poorly, I just lost a very good friend of mine this past week from bc mets and it really stinks!  When you are young it seems you are inseparable with your family and as you get older people let life get in the way of remaining closeness with your siblings.  At a time like this you would think squabbles would be forgotten or put on hold to support the family member in need.  Such a shame!  Keep doing what you are doing, I am sure it means the world to your friend.

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  • dhettish
    dhettish Member Posts: 501
    edited August 2008

    darcraig, just being there and making the call to let your friend know you care means so much. Keep making those calls and visits. When I was first dx, I got all kinds of calls and visits, then they just dropped to nothing. People tired of my disease. Hell, I tired of it.

    You can always ask what she needs from you. She may say nothing but to listen or be there for her, but it is always nice to be asked.

    I stated on the other thread, but it always bears repeating....I am so sorry about your friend, Luann. I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself and that precious baby. 

    Debbie 

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  • darCraig
    darCraig Member Posts: 87
    edited August 2008

    Thank you for all your kind words - I know that the people on this board understand.  Velma passed away tonight, at home, with her husband at her side.  I'm going to miss her so much.

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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited August 2008

    I am so sorry for your loss. May the wonderful memories of your friendship with Velma bring you comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family...

    Linda

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