What is your post-cancer personality?

Thanks for sharing FitChik.  I admire those who can find humor in adversity.

Thanks, Marin, for posting the article. I can identify with most of it, only while I kept my sense of humor I was not a comedian. I have become a little more assertive as far as letting my family know what's on my mind and not keeping things bottled up too long. I also feel more entitled. I deserve to treat myself well and not feel guilty for indulging myself once in a while. At the same time I feel like cancer is lurking, waiting for the opportunity to insinuate itself on my life again, more than it has. Its been difficult moving beyond that fear. I suppose I need to give it more time.

Marin, thanks for sharing that.  Funny how so many of us take to the comedy and other to dispair in the wake of this demon.  Well, not funny really, interesting though.  Odd what makes us us, is what determines our reaction to it and our outward signs I suppose.

{{Gina}} I worry and I had an early cancer.  I can only imagine what you ladies in the stages of III and IV go through. I only wishiwere there to extend a hand, or a shoulder or offer a huge {{hug}} when any of you need it.  It's so hard to know you must experience what we all feel with the initial dx, only 10X that when you get that final dx of III or IV.  I'm sorry for that, that I can't understand it and offer some help in raising your spirits when they need them.  I can say, that without a doubt, what you go through and share on these boards, is what keeps me from the darkest of thoughts, b/c there is always someone like you, who has a real reason for concern as opposed to me, who little chance of understanding where you are coming from.  Please know I keep you all in my thoughts and in my prayers that you get through life with NED.  My heart and mind are keeping your close in my prayers and thoughts.

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Marin thanks for sharing. 

Jill-- love your response.

When people ask me the great epiphanies I've had from cancer-- I say,

When the traffic light turns yellow, before cancer I used to speed through it, now I stop and wait for the red light.

Seriously. This is my great knowledge.  Oh, and I don't talk on a cell phone and drive, but I don't think cancer had anything to do with that.

I will say that I live FULLY, to honor the women that are too sick to live fully, or the lives that cancer robbed before getting the chance.

And by living fully, that by no means is perfection.  Okay, I have no cavaties, and I recycle, and vote, but I love my VICES (evil laughter) they are good and plenty. And by good, I mean, totally bad for me, and I don't care.

I love life.  I love my life.  Doesn't mean everyday is great, it just means I'm grateful to have every day.

I still sweat the small stuff, I fully utilize my Bitch switch, and I'm selfish.

I also have empathy for people with illness, and I feel fortunate that I get to help women going through cancer.

I try to remember that the two most common elements in the world are carbon Dioxide and Stupidity.  A little laughter goes a long way, to have good friends, you ,must first be one, and even though I beat cancer, shit is still going to happen.

Yup. that about sums it up.

I agree, great thread.  When I was diagnosed the first time (14 years ago), someone I didn't really know (a survivor) said to me, "you won't believe this now, but you will come out of this a better person."  And I couldn't imagine what she meant at the time, but it was true.  Little problems and annoyances don't matter much.  Every day is a gift. Complaining and whining are usually a waste of energy.  So when I was diagnosed again, I had to wonder, what is it that I didn't learn the first time????  I'm still not sure the answer to that question, but I do know that it's been a different experience in some ways, and I've gotten to know people with whom I would not otherwise crossed paths.  On the other side of treatment, I have come to appreciate people who seem to know just what to do to help.  I want to become one of those people!!

CHJ

Harley, kudos to you for giving a voice to the women that don't have it figured out yet.

Yet another fun thing about cancer.  We don't all have it figured out, and even for those of us that think we do, there are a lot of times that we don't either.

Gladly holding the mirror while you stand there and look. 

Breast cancer was a freeing experience for me and my life is better since my diagnosis. I too have lost inhabitions. I used to worry about the dumbest things and now I'm a lot more laid back. I feel so lucky and grateful for having a (so far) positive outcome. Breast cancer has made me realize how much worse things could have been and how many people have things much worse than me. I feel grateful that I didn't have a disease worse than cancer like ALS. Cancer taught me that I could rise to the occasion and rather than ask why me, I knew the answer was, why not me.

Don't appologize Carolsd - it's just the way it is.  I can certainly relate, things pile up.  There have been too many losses and disappointments to blithely assume that everything will work out.  But I am working on my "startle response", because it really hurts me.  And, although I have had several of those phone calls out of the blue that changed my life forever, and not in good ways, many times things do work out. 

I've had a rough month - I went off Effexor in May and have been struggling with that decision.  But it's occurred to me this week that I HAVE to go easy on myself.  That was perhaps the only nice thing about treatment - I had no expectations of myself except to get up and get through the day, and I had permission to be good to myself.  So why should that change?  Maybe that's the gift that BC will give me, since I always felt I had to be doing, accomplishing to have any worth.  Nobody else cares, and it's just making me tired, tired, tired, and stressed.

When I was dx'ed it was as if my whole life was instantly brought into perfect focus. I could clearly see what was important and where my priorities should lie. I had been given the gentlest of wake-up calls (DCIS) and I wasn't about to ignore it and go back to sleep. Not that I hadn't lived life to the full before or been focussed on material or unimportant things, it's just that I had greater clarity about it.

As for humor, I've always loved it but probably held back sometimes not wanting to be flippant about everything but rather be more 'balanced'. Now I think humor IS everything and I want to spread it around with gay abandon. I feel I must make at least one person laugh EVERY day. Laughter is EVERYTHING to me. Especially other peoples laughter. I want to make people feel happy. I want to hear them laugh. Genuine belly laughs! That's what makes me feel good more than anything else.

I can also indulge myself now guilt free! If I want it and can afford it, buy it and enjoy! Heck what am I waiting for?

And I'm more forgiving too. I don't think 'you should..'. as much. I don't think about 'worst case scenarios' as much. I don't fear dying as much. I believe my kids are going to be fine. I believe I did a pretty good job as a parent, not perfect, but pretty good. 

It's now 3 months since my dx and I don't still have that perfect clarity and focus anymore but I remember how I felt and so I'm still living with those ideals and choosing not to step back onto that full speed 'gotta go fast, not sure why' treadmill of life.

Yep, I can relate to that article. Cancer has changed me. I doubt that other people have noticed a huge difference in me but I haven't asked them either. It doesn't really matter, I'm just happy to be here! 

My friend and co-worker discussed this topic today.  She was telling someone about some of the personalities in our office.  When she said that I was a type A, I corrected her and said that I used to be but now am a type AB positive.  She laughed and said that she had to agree that I am much less tense and rigid.  More ready to play.

 I now stress much less about minor irritants and enjoy life so much more.  Spend more time with the people I care about and doing fun stuff.  Don't plan out stuff like I used to, just throw stuff in a bag and go.  Try to see things from others' perspective instead of exerting my own will.  I go out of my way to tell others how precious they are to me and why they are special to me. 

Though I was an active community volunteer, I never considered myself to be especially compassionate or empathetic but now...I watch people differently and really listen.  I pick up on feelings that never occurred to me before.  I used to only live in black and white.  Not only do I now see shades of grey but all kinds of spectacular color. 

Even though having had cancer bites big time, I do appreciate most of the changes it brought about.  The thing that I really miss is my blissful naivete concerning doctors and tests.  That and my unscarred body.  Those changes are still hard to accept...

Excellent thread.  How have I changed?  I'm depressed.  Have trouble finding enjoyment and laughter.  Have no reason to believe it will ever get better.  No longer feel that I have "purpose" in life.  Tired of hearing that it's all in how I perceive things and if I just changed my attitude everything would get better.

 I have no reason to believe anything will get better.  Even the most 'supportive' of friends and family seem to want to 'get back to normal' which is a place I'll never see again.  The past is just an empty space; remembering it is only painful.  The future is not bright.  The present is just where I am until I die.

On the other hand, I have become an excellent actress, keeping all this from my 82 yo dad and other relatives, not to mention co-workers.  Nobody likes a loser, so I act like I'm all up and positive.  Maybe that just makes it worse because now I'm a phoney too.

No fun at all anymore.  Don't know why I'm here.  Wish I could disappear.

Beth