My onc sure knows how to depress me.

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Chelee
Chelee Member Posts: 513
edited June 2014 in HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer

I am just venting.  I have been dealing with things pretty good considering I'm a stage IIIA with 5 positive nodes and was NOT able to have radiation.  I have my good days and bad like anyone else.  I just had my 3 month follow-up appt. with my onc and while I was there I left a "FMLA" paper for her to fill out. 

I just went back to pick it up and did not look at it until I got home and one of the questions said: "Will the family member require treatment on a intermittent basis or treatment that will require the employee to work on a reduced leave schedule"?

She marked "YES" and then ADDED her comments that said "When patient has recurrence".   NOT IF...but WHEN.  Like no matter what I WILL recur.  Gee doc...thanks for cheering me up!!!  I realize that is a very real possiblility and I know I am more likely to recur then not...but WHY couldn't she put "when/if she recurs".  She isn't God...every BODY is different..literally..  I don't know why but that just pissed me off when I read that.  Now I'm depressed again...she sure knows how to cheer me up. Sorry for complaining but I know you guys understand where I coming from.  :(  I'm done... 

Chelee

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  • Maryiz
    Maryiz Member Posts: 975
    edited August 2008

    Chelee, I don't think I would dwell on the :"when."  She really doesn't know. Some people do and some people don't.  Lots of women go on at stage IIIA and do not have a recurrence.  You can go to the John Hopkins web site, Ask an Expert and see that her responses to stage III girls are very optimistic in this day and age of breast cancer.  I have found all my life that people say you will never be able to do this or that.  Look at the 41 year old swimmer in the Olympics, look at Greg Norman at 53 in contention for the British Open.  Truly, how can your onc know the answer without turning you inside out.  Stay positive, I REALLY think you are in a good place.  Love, Mary

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  • dhettish
    dhettish Member Posts: 501
    edited August 2008

    Chelee, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am stage II and my onc keeps going on and on about how agressive my cancer is. She would not let me have immediate recon because she told me she was sure I was going to have lots of lymph nodes involved. She told me if there is more than 10, she would order a full body scan as she would then be sure I would be stage IV. As it was, I only had one node involved. So I wonder if they just expect the worst. She just does not know.

    Debbie 

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  • lisettemac
    lisettemac Member Posts: 213
    edited August 2008

    ((Hugs)) Chelee.  Sorry she bummed you out.

    Here's how I viewed it -- I'm an employment lawyer.  Part of my job is to advise the company I work for about their obligations when they get a dr's note.  My guess was that she used the term "when" instead of "if" to make it easier for you to take leave.  Otherwise, it leaves a lot of ambiguity for the employer.  Anyway, that's what I took from it.

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  • AlaskaAngel
    AlaskaAngel Member Posts: 1,836
    edited August 2008

    Hi Chelee,

    Your onc's slip of the lip is interesting, Chelee. Patients and doctors see things differently because their worlds are actually different. Our oncs are dealing with sadness and disappointment and with the patients with the most problems most of their time, and that often includes being worn out from handling patients and families in the middle of the previous night.

    Her response would annoy me too. But at 6 years out I've come to realize that whenever a cancer patient walks in the door, most medical providers see "cancer" stamped on our foreheads no matter what stage we are, and believe the worst even when they don't say it.

    These docs do not have all the answers and you are living proof of that. But everybody wants them to, and any person can get very weary trying to be able to do everything for everybody and work miracles. Docs are not in charge of whether you are doing everything you can on your end to survive -- exercising, eating the most helpful diet, getting sunshine, etc. A lot of people don't or can't do those things, and they lower the number of favorable results. Do what you can on your own not to be one of them.

    AlaskaAngel

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  • may31
    may31 Member Posts: 18
    edited August 2008

    I don't blame you one bit for getting upset with her comments. Of course she does want everything in order if/when recurrence should happen but she should never assume that you won't be aware of what she has written or implied by her comments.

    I have had a recurrence after three years. The first time(04) was DCIS with microinvasion and I was one of the lucky 1% who had it spread to the lymph nodes. Last year they found three lymph nodes with cancer so I had chemo and radiation to the same side where I previously had a mastectomy. I work part time so I didn't require taking a leave and I told my supervisor to NOT assume I could not work while undergoing treatment. I know I was lucky but sometimes people assume the worst.

    Hopefully you feel you can speak honestly to your oncologist. I would tell her at your next visit that you were bothered by her remark. They are human and are not perfect. I believe that each patient can help both themselves and the medical staff by communicating their feelings along the way.

    Hang in there, girl!!

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  • marejo
    marejo Member Posts: 1,356
    edited August 2008

    Hi Chelee,

    Geez, what a blow that had to be to read.  As the others have said though, your doctor surely doesn't know this.

    I, too, am her2 positive (as you know) and I just celebrated my 3 year NED and am going strong.....AND plan to keep it that way.  Only God knows my tomorrow's and it does my heart and mind good if I keep my focus on that and not on what could happen to me tomorrow.  Today has enough worries of it's own...let's leave our tomorrow's alone for now. 

    Sending love to you and prayers for peace to surround you.

    Love,

    Mary Jo

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  • TammyLou
    TammyLou Member Posts: 740
    edited August 2008

    Me, too, Mary Jo.

    Fixed, matted lymph nodes wrapped around my chest wall.  Stage 3C.

    Almost 4 years later...still kickin'.

    Tammy Lou

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