Mom is refusing treatment/in stage IV

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cindyward
cindyward Member Posts: 9
edited June 2014 in Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
Mom has never been to a doctor in her life. She is in what appears to be Stage IV but it is just a guess. I've seen the cancer and it is nearing the collar bone and under the arm...appears very hard and has sores that bleed...very ugly. She is having a hard time breathing and can't seem to fall asleep. She refuses any drugs and medical care and we don't know what to do for her. Does anyone know what can possibly help to make her comfortable...herbal type remedies or anything?????
We feel so helpless!!
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  • wendy440
    wendy440 Member Posts: 21
    edited August 2007

    I'm sorry, I don't know an answer to your question, but I will pray for comfort for your mom, and for strength for you and your family.

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  • pdaly
    pdaly Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2007
    I know exactly what you're going through. My mother was diagnosed a year ago with stage IV. She had a masectomy and lymphectomy. She also refused treatment. No chemo, no rads.

    I'm going to be completely honest. I think she was better off without it. She passed away last week, almost exactly a year to the day of her surgery. For the last year, she had quite a few good days. We were able to go to lunch, go to the movies, have dinner out.

    If your mom has mets to the lungs, one thing I would suggest you ask her doctor about is the use of steroids. These helped my mom tremendously. Her breathing was easier and she had an appetite.

    You and your mom are in my prayers. Please spend as much time as you can with her. You will be exhausted. You will be frustrated and angry. Take deep breaths and enjoy every minute you can with her.

    All the best to you and your family.
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  • PuppyFive
    PuppyFive Member Posts: 2,808
    edited August 2007
    You and Your {{Mom}} are in my prayers!
    Puppy
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  • Chelee
    Chelee Member Posts: 513
    edited August 2007
    cindyward, As I mentioned in another post to you I am so sorry to hear about your Mom's DX. As you know I just went through this with my Mom. She did take treatment for Stage IV lung cancer but I'm not sure it did much good for her at such an advanced stage.

    So I can totally understand you Mother not wanting any treatment...but after watching my Mother go through this whole ordeal...I sure wish your Mom at the very least would except oxygen. (But it sounds like she is totally against all things medical.) And there is nothing wrong with that...it is her body and her choice.

    I want to find a webpage I found *after* my Mother passed away last week. It will give you MUCH needed insight on what to expect. I wish to God I would of known all this. I was so confused about so many things she did. Now I find out its all very normal and part of the dying process as they call it. If I had known all of this before hand...things would of been much easier on me & my brother. I have to find the website and post it later. But you hang in there and I will get it for you.

    Also, as Pdaly replied to you....it is all very normal for you to get angry, frustrated and flat out exhausted. Some times you have to give yourself a break and walk away. Meaning go cool down...try to get your mind off it a while and relax. It can be very overwhelming at times. Don't be hard on yourself. Your Mother *will* say and do things you wouldn't expect from her. So just remain calm and be patient and let her know your there for her. Enjoy each and every day you get with her. Some days they seem a bit better then others...so don't be surprised. When your Mom starts going down hill it gets even more difficult...not just for her...but all around her that love her. But she needs you all there with her. My Mother was so afraid she would die alone. So we always let her know we were there for her. Waited on her hand and foot...and I am SO GLAD we did.

    As far as things to help your Mother breath...I really don't know of anything unless she would except steriods or oxygen and I know she won't. I know hospice at the end of my Mothers final days had her sitting up and body and head tilted to the side a bit. It did seem to help. Gosh...I just wish there was something I could do for you. I am so glad your going to be there for her. If there are things you want to say to her...please say them now. I thought I did that...but now that Mom has passed all kinds of things come to mind. Take advantage of this precious time you have together. They can go down hill fast so be prepared. You hang in there...and if there is anything you think I can help you with...just let me know. I will be pasteing a link for you that I found to be very accurate on what to expect at this stage. I hope it helps you. I will be keeping you & your Mother in my thoughts and prayers.

    Chelee
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  • jansdaughter
    jansdaughter Member Posts: 265
    edited August 2007
    Chelee, I could have written your post. My sister and I took care of our mother the last month of her life and like you, we are SO GLAD we did. I thought I said everything to mom I wanted to say and then after she passed, i thought of some other things too.

    And you are so right when you said they can go down hill fast and it is difficult for them and for the entire family. My heart just goes out to you cindyward. Like Chelee said, spend this time with her, talk to her, hold her hand, say everything you ever wanted to say and then say it again.

    I'm not sure all the pain and suffering my mother went through for 7 years was worth it. We watched her suffer and decline for 7 years. Just respect your mom's decision and love her, take care of her. you might see if she will at least use oxygen to help her breathe. You might want to get Hospice involved. they are wonderful people. Take care, Dianne
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  • cats_love_me
    cats_love_me Member Posts: 109
    edited September 2007

    A sister of a friend decided to not to do treatment and do things naturally.  She didn't want traditional pain meds, however they did find natural remedies that did help w/ the pain.  or maybe they were homeopathic remedies. 

    I think it took a while to find something that worked to help relieve the pain.  She too had problems breathing, and it was really overwhelming for the family.  I could suggest asking hospice if they know of natural, pain killers to help w/ pain, and anything that may help / the breathing.  I don't see that friend anymore, since she stopped going to the workout class anymore, otherwise I would find out what they ended up using. 

    Best wishes, lots of hugs during this time.

    Connie

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  • fighting
    fighting Member Posts: 3
    edited June 2008
    God bless you.  I have just been given the news that my breast cancer has now moved into my chest bone. The only option given to me by my oncl was to do pallative chemotherapy to try and stop the progression.  I am very confused ( i understand where your mom is coming from) as I am not sure in which direction to go.   Should I let nature take its course or do I give the chemo a shot.   Basically, what I am asking is there anyone out there that is going thru the same experience and are there anyone out their that has opted against the chemo and just gone the natural holistic route?  or is anyone going thru the chemo......and how are they doing on it?   I am new to the web site and I would appreciate and be very thankful for your opinions.  God bless all of you and may he keep us all safe!
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  • waterlily
    waterlily Member Posts: 547
    edited June 2008

    Fighting-

    My cancer has spread to my abdominal cavity and bones.  I am currently taking a chemo that is in pill form (Xeloda).  I think it is manageable though I know these treatments only keep the cancer stable and I wish they could wipe it out altogether.  I do wonder about some of the other chemos and if they are worth the side effects.  Each person ultimately makes the decision about treatment based on their own needs and desires.  It's hard...

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  • badboob67
    badboob67 Member Posts: 2,780
    edited June 2008

    Fighting,

    I was diagnosed with bc at stage IV in February 2006. It had already spread to most of the bones from my skull down to my knees. At stage IV, treatments are called "palliative" because there is no cure for cancer--at any stage! You say your cancer has moved to your chest bone. Bone mets are very easy to treat and with the appropriate treatment, can be brought to stable and kept that way for years. You don't say what the pathology of your cancer diagnosis is (ER/PR and HER2 status). There are targeted treatments for the different types of cancer. I am ER+ and was able to stay stable for TWO YEARS without ever doing chemo; I was prescribed anti-hormonals and ZOMETA, a bone strengthener. I have recently switched to XELODA and AVASTIN because of a small progression in my bone mets. I have every reason to believe that this treatment can keep me around for a very long time.

    Everyone has their own decisions to make with this disease. I just wanted to make sure you understand that just because the doctors are saying "palliative" does NOT mean you are a lost cause or at death's door. Natural therapies/supplements/etc. may, indeed, be helpful for some. For me, I don't have a comfort level with them because of the lack of scientific studies supporting the claims of many. My doctor is open, of course, to anything I'd like to try in addition to my traditional treatment as long as we can be reasonably certain it will not interfere or make my condition worse.

    This was a very old thread that you posted to. Please drop by the "Recurrence and Metastatic Disease" section of the boards; there is much more traffic there. I am very sorry you have need to post here, but am very glad you found us. You will find so many warm, caring, and informative people here!

    (((HUGS)))
    Diane

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  • Mary111
    Mary111 Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2008

    If she is refusing conventional medical help, maybe alternative ways will help. At least they are far less invasive and scary to some people. I would contact the Hippocrates Institute in Florida asap and the Gerson Institute in San Diego, ca. I know some folks who refused conventional treatment and got better with the alternative treatments.

    Hope this infor helps.

    God Bless your Mom,

    Mary  

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  • Mary111
    Mary111 Member Posts: 4
    edited July 2008

    Dear Waterlily,

    A human body can just take so many pills, chemo, radiation, and the like! I would contact two very powerful places in terms of healing, yes, they are alternative treatments, but at least they do a whole body approach! Cancer is a whole body illness, not just a body part here and there. Please contact the Hipporcrates Institute in Florida and definitely the Gerson Institute in SAn Diego. Most people think that alternative treatments are a waste of time but they are a God-sent to some folks, really!  The Gerson program is fantastic, at least for me and my mother, not to mention other folks I know. They feed your body all those vitamins, enzymes, green juices and the chemo-weakened body needs such nourisnment very badly!!! So far the conventional treatment for you did not stop the cancer process because it did not address from the very beginning the cause of cancer! Nothing happens in a vacuum and there is a physical reason why cancer happened in the first place. The whole body approach is the key!

    God Bless you in your healing journey!

    Please let me know again how are you doing!!

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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited July 2008

    Fighting, why don't you join us in the recurrance and metatisis forum.  I was dx with mets over 2 years ago, my tx is fairly easy and I have been having a decent QOL.  I even worked a year into my dx before deciding to go on disability.  Even if you choose a natural route there is alot of good information you can find there that will make your journey easier.

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  • carmadi
    carmadi Member Posts: 10
    edited August 2008

    Hooray for you going the alternative treatment approach!!!    I was diagnosed in 2001.  I went the mastectomy, 6 months chemo and 30 days radiation routes. Now I take 14 different vitamins a day, a healthy swig of essiac tea and eat 14 raw apricot seeds daily.  No recurrance and I feel great!!!!  I did alot of reading on alternative treatment.........had I known then what I know now, I wouldnt have had the nasty chemo or radiation, althought at that time I was so scared and took my doctors advice.  Hope all stays well with you..........

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited August 2008

    I am glad I did the chemo and had the mastectomy and now I do eat healthy and take vit and calcium.  If I had it to do all over again I would choose the same thing knowing that I did all I could do to stay here for my kids and grandkids.

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