Resources for men?

Kavika

I've been searching this site for resources for men as friends-lovers-partners of women with breast cancer.  Anybody know a good website designed for such men?  Thanks.

thenewme

Hi Kavika,

I just saw this and your other post.  You're wonderfully caring to be here for your girlfriend!  The fact that you're here asking these questions says a lot about you. 

My husband read "Breast Cancer Husband" by Marc Silver, which he said really helped to put things into a "guy" perspective.  I'd definitely recommend it.  

I also know there's a website called www.menagainstbreastcancer.org , but I don't know anything about it.

Of course, you're welcome to stick around here too - I've personally found this site to be the best one around.  There's a ton of great information and lots of caring and supportive people.  Don't be shy - ask any questions you may have and invite your girlfriend too.  

One thing I can say is that for me the hardest part was the very beginning, the shock and the fear and the unknown.  I was told to expect about a year of active treatment, and it was true - at about my one-year mark, I (we) started to settle down and get back some semblance of a "normal-ish" life. 

Hang in there, and thanks for being such a caring partner for her - she's lucky to have someone like you!

Kavika

Thanks for the website and book recommendations.  My girlfriend's attitude is quite positive, like 'okay I'll have the surgery and get implants and it won't be a big deal' but I'm thinking there's a WHOLE lot more to consider.  I know it's a mysterious journey, with many possible events, and at this point the door has only just opened ...

EstherMSKCC

Dear Kavika,

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's diagnosis. I'm an employee of Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and am aware of a number of resources available to help people cope when a loved one has cancer.

For example, the National Cancer Institute has a page that offers excellent information on this very topic: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancer.gov%2fcancertopics%2fcoping%2ffamilyfriends

The American Cancer Society also offers good advice on how to cope when someone you know has cancer: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancer.org%2fdocroot%2fhome%2fcgv%2fCGV_1_coping_as_a_caregiver.asp

After Breast Cancer Diagnosis (ABCD) may also be a useful resource for you - it offers support for family and friends of breast cancer patients: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.abcdbreastcancersupport.org%2fget-support%2ffamily-friends%2f

And CancerCare offers online and telephone support for those whose loved ones have been affected by cancer: http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/26/topic/redir.aspx?C=e62f5bca9b66457d9cce5810559d4617&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.cancercare.org%2fget_help%2fcounseling.php

I hope this information is useful for you and wish your girlfriend the best of luck as she goes through treatment. -Esther

Kavika

Thanks Esther.  I knew it was out there somewhere ... and now it is here too!  (oops! none of the above links work; I get page not found for all of them???)

I just read Ken Wilbur's book, which was heavy, moving, beautiful.  He married his wife 3 months after they met, she got diagnosed 10 days after the wedding, and she died 5 years later after every treatment under the sun. Heartbreaking stuff. It's not a breast cancer book for everyone, but what a mixture of spirituality, love, medicine, philosophy, cancer, deep living and tender dying.